Jar Of Hearts
by FiercePrincess
Summary: Jenny's thinking of the guy who ruined her life, NOT Nate, but Chuck, when she finds a ticket home. Problem is, no one has forgotten OR forgiven. Agnst is around every corner. "Who do you think you are? Goin around leaving scars" Chenny/JenNate/Chair/Dair
1. Is It Possible?

JAR OF HEARTS

Chuck Bass. When that name is heard, what comes to mind? Womanizer. Dangerous. Handsome. Charming. Young. Billionaire. Out Of His League. But what about _heartbreaker_? _Life destroyer_? _Advantage taker_? The one person to ever understand this fucked up world I dragged myself into, and helped me fall deeper into it then I ever wanted. That, that is the Chuck Bass I know. The only one I can see now. And every time I do see him… my heartbreaks.

Part 1

"The Beginning" or "Is It Possible?"

Does it sound like I love him? I'm afraid it might sound that way… believe me though; it's not quite that way. I'm not sure how to explain my feelings towards him. People say this a lot but, it's complicated. The only place I can think to explain this right is the beginning. So that's where I'll start.

Don't worry. I'll shorten it a bit.

I was fourteen. I was naïve. I was way over my head. Hell, I was a teenage girl going to my first big party… _ever_. This felt like my ticket to the in crowd, much more than their little minion to return their library books and get them yogurt. All I had to do was make the invites. So simple I finished them with time to spare (ok, so that morning. The point is I got them done).

A black dress, made by yours truly, hugged my body as I got ready to leave. My father told me I looked beautiful, that his little girl was growing up. I thought he was right. You know what happened when I got there though? I was alone. Making awkward conversation with people I've only glanced at as they gave their greetings to Blair Waldorf (Queen Bitch- er- Bee). I just figured everyone had to deal with this kind of awkwardness before they got accepted.

But then someone approached me. Not a greeter, not a minion, not some waiter passing out appetizers, but the heartbreaking handsome Chuck Bass. _He_ wanted to talk to _me_. Crazy right? I mean, it seemed too good to be true, and this I'm ashamed to admit I was right about. I mean, why would a guy like _him_, want to talk to me? I was no one special. Just a young, Brooklyn girl in a crowd of Upper East Side royalty. Sure, I stuck out like no other, but that doesn't make me special. It just made me… different.

I'm going to go no further with that though; I think _everyone_ knows how that night ended. From then on I avoided Chuck; I attempted to escape conversations about him. I couldn't handle all of it. Blair warned me, she asked me if I was prepared for their world. I said yes.

Now don't judge me! What? Did you expect me to tell her I wasn't ready for the one thing I was dreaming of? That because of some jackass I couldn't handle their magical life style? So I lied. Not like they don't do it. Now that I look back, I must admit that was my first big mistake, besides for wanting to be a part of it all in the first place. All I wanted was the happiness, and popularity, and "friendships" (which I've now learned weren't very friendly to begin with…) that they got the spotlight for. But everything looks different when the lights go out. Little did I know.

Back to the Bass. A year later, with very little conversations in-between, I was at the van der Woodsen's apartment. After Chuck's dad died, Lily van der Woodsen (also my dad's girlfriend at the time) legally adopted Chuck, since she was married to Bart Bass once upon a time. I was there with a date when Chuck came in, seeming drunk as usual, with some high class prostitute. Totally embarrassed I decided to get out there as fast as possible. Before I left, I finally gave the ass a piece of my mind.

Jenny: 1 Chuck: 0. At least, that's how it was for twenty minutes or so. I come back to meet with my dad, but what do I find? One Chuck Bass, solo, barely glancing at his scotch. I'd calm down, not wanting an actual conversation, but Chuck seemed to have a point to prove. This point? His deepest apologizes for "that night", as he liked to phrase it. I was so taken back I could barely speak, and before I could, he was gone.

This was a moment of realization. I was more to Chuck Bass then some Brooklyn girl. As that year ended, and a new one began, I learned more about Chuck and myself. He changed, I changed, everyone seemed to be changing, and for the better. Until I hit the rabbit hole, with a devilishly handsome rabbit named Damien Dalgaard trying to lead me down it. Chuck saved me from that, something I imagined my brother doing, or even Nate Archibald (the guy who seems to always be there to be my Knight in Shining Armani). I still fell though. Even with his warnings.

With different heartbreaks through the year, all very painful, we somehow ended up in the same room. Enemy, familiar friend. I finally confessed my hatred for the world I was now in, that I regretted it all. In a very Chuck Bass manner, he told me he knew it was fucked up, but that was exactly what it was. The only way to survive was to pretend. So I guess, in a sense, I pretended I was in love with him… And I gave him all I had. And I cried, a _lot_, after it was all "done".

Taylor Swift song any one…?

Now I've been out of that world, for a long, relaxing time. Safe and sound with my mom, where Blair Waldorf can't claw my eyes out, Serena van der Woodsen can't call me a home wrecker, Dan Humphrey (aka my brother) can't give my disapproving looks, Nate Archibald can't see me broken, and most importantly… Chuck Bass can't see me as another one of his mistakes.

That's my Upper East Side life in a nutshell, with the exceptions of boys (Nate), smack downs (Blair and/or Serena), outburst (Telling my dad off… three times), and jobs (Own fashion line with insane model!). And so now that you know that, I think I can answer the question "Do I love Chuck Bass"?

Like I said, he broke my heart. A broken heart usually means you must have loved the person quite a damn lot, right? That being away from them is now killing you. Maybe even it coming down to you choosing their life over your own. _That's_ what heartbreak is supposed to be… right?

It makes me bring up the question (yes, I really am answering a question with another question) "Is it possible to be heartbroken over someone you don't love?" I believe it is, because Chuck Bass… you fucked up me and my life. I'll admit, you have a place in my heart, but saying I love you might be pushing it. I'll never know anything for sure until I come back home, and face the people from my past.

I fear that won't be for too long though. I found a train ticket home.

*Line*

A/N: What do you guys think? I like it, but I think it's a little awkward. Then again, I think ALL stories start off awkward (some more than others :x). So if you couldn't tell, this story is Jenny/Chuck-ish, but it's all going to be Jenny/Nate, Blair/Chuck, some Dan/Blair, MAYBE Serena/Dan, and if things need to get spiced up I will gladly throw in Damien or Georgy! :D If you think it's weird, PLEASE stick with it for at least another chapter or two! I have plans for it :) Which reminds me  
QUESTION: Should I stick to Jenny's POV? Should it change every chapter/different parts of one chapter between characters? Or should I just switch to third person?

Honestly I'm fine with WHATEVER, so it's all up to you! :D  
Anyways, love you guys! More soon! 3 (PS Sleep deprived, as always… so I apologize for spelling mistakes and stuff! :3)


	2. A Long Train Ride Home

Part 2

"Word Travels Fast"

Before I could even finish packing, a Gossip Girl blast went out, saying I was heading back "home". I don't even know how she found that out. Someone probably saw my mom buying the ticket, and putting together the pieces isn't that hard. So now everyone knows of my returning. Great. I'm sure there'll be a surprise party and _everything_.

Though I am morbidly afraid of what it'll be like back home, I have to say I'm kind of excited. I've been keeping up on all the gossip, scandals, hook-ups, and break-ups through Gossip Girl (thank God it makes it to Hudson). I know everything everyone else knows back in New York, which makes me feel like a spy. I know that sounds silly, but hear me out. Of course, everyone feels a little sneaky being told about everyone else's business; I have an advantage they don't though.

When was the last time someone talked to the dreaded Jenny Humphrey? When was the last time someone heard what _I_ was up to? When was the last time a picture of me kissing someone at a Galley that I was about to crash with my fashion show gone viral? - Sorry, I got carried away with that. I think you got my point though. - When was the last time anyone has heard anything about me? Since I was seen leaving was the last one.

Here I am. Getting blasts about Chuck's new girlfriend (he could have done way better in my personal opinion…), Chuck losing his new girlfriend to a yell out from Blair, Serena screwing with Nate (_again_), Nate dating some skanky new blonde (clearly I have no hatred towards her), and everything about Dan I was told anyways. Everyone getting Gossip Girl blasts is a little sneaky spy on their own, but I have the upper advantage. They hear about others and have the price to pay of being talked of. All I do is hear, and no words are spoken of me.

That is, until now. Once again I will be the target of who knows how many blasts, and what they'll be about. I can see the title now for if I even get close to Chuck, "Humphrey and Bass Seen Rekindling Their One Night Stand At Starbucks". I shouldn't even tempt the idea. No matter what is blasted though, I think it's all going to be pretty damn crazy.

Serena hates me still (at least I think). Blair still hates me (I think…). Nate probably stopped caring about me (I'm assuming). Erik wrote, but I'm sure he still has a grudge against me for, well, everything (I'm guessing). Vanessa doesn't want to be my "sister" anymore (at least it feels that way). Dan is still horribly disappointed in me (not that he's actually said that…). Chuck could live the rest of his life without seeing my face again (that's how I'm seeing it).

If you can't tell, I'm honestly not sure. I'd like to say that's the "fun part" of coming back home, but I know this for sure: it's not going to really be that fun. I said before, no one has forgiven OR forgotten. That doesn't mean they still care… I think. Ok, I _hope_. No matter what, I'm heading home, and I refuse to be a pushover to anyone.

Maybe.

*Line*

"Damn Train Ride" – aka Anxious

Damn train. Damn people on the train. Damn conductor taking their sweet time checking everything. Damn, uh… Damn window! Looking out the window can't help but bring back the memories of leaving. Plus, I'm a little on edge. I tried to tell myself it'd be ok, but I'm having trouble believing myself. It's not like I have proof to prove myself right.

I couldn't help peek at threads about me returning, against my better judgment of course. It was people from talking shit about to me, to people excited to see what I'll do, what Blair will do to me, or even a rare few that spoke up for me. At least I have some fighters, right?

They don't help my actual fight, as much as they wish they could. Because when Blair threatens to personally destroy my life, every part of it she can get her hands on, I'm really going to bust out a thread and say, "Oh yeah! Well I have 53 people in counting who want me to kick your ass!" I am so screwed.

Now finally the train is starting to move. I can't get over it. I'm actually returning back to New York. Damn I missed the city! First thing I'm doing, after I say hi to the family of course, is walking Central Park. Everyone thinks New York is this city of just skyscraping buildings and busy streets, but it's so _green_ if you look in the right spots. And it gives me peace of mind. Maybe I can figure out what I'm going to do about, pretty much, everything.

I know what I'm going to do second, unless I chicken out, as well. There's a certain boy I just have to talk to. It might be a huge mistake, but I don't think I have that much to lose. Or, it might make my time back in New York a lot simpler. _Or_ not…

*Line*

"A Text… Really?"

Question: Have you ever drifted off into a perfect sleep, where everything is bliss, and then you get a text from someone…? At first you're all pissy, because you were just so peaceful a second ago, but then you see who sent the text. Suddenly a warm rush of happiness shoots through your veins. Screw sleep, your life is so much better now hearing from them. Well I just got a text. And it's _not_ that kind. -insert extremely unhappy face here-.

What comes to mind when you hear the name "Nate Archibald"? Sexy. Hot. Gorgeous. Perfect smile. Perfect hair. Perfect eyes. Pretty much every word, and every adjective, to describe Upper East Side Royalty. And this one I won't disagree about. I won't make a list about all the jack-ass qualities. I don't think it's his fault. If I had that many people falling for me at once, I think I'd get in over my head too. I wouldn't be so fucking cold about it, but whatever… not my life.

As you can tell, I still hold a slight grudge to Nate. It's not that bad though, I still love him like a-a, uh. You know what? I'll get back to you on that. No matter what shit I get into, Nate always seems to be the guy who swoops in and saves me. For that I'll always feel close to him, and I'll always have this feeling dragging me towards him.

But things like that change. I'm not saying it's changed much, but it changed enough. When I left New York to Hudson, I was terrified of my ending, and even more afraid of having a new beginning. I thought I'd still have a few people back home to have my back, to tell me they missed me. Those people consisted of: my always loving brother Dan, my basically twin step brother Erik, over bearing father Rufus (with love from Lily too, of course), the very busy as an inter Vanessa, and lastly, my super hero Nate Archibald.

Everyone on that list lived up to what I had hoped for. Everyone but one. I set my standards pretty low for who would write me, what they'd say, because I had enough disappoint for one year. But Nate couldn't even disappoint me in a letter. He couldn't disappoint me at all. He never talked to me the _entire_ time I was away. And now this.

That text, the one that woke me from my bliss, was from the one and only Nate. If it was a deep apology or a confession of love, or something meaningful, it wouldn't bug me. Oh no. It's nothing near to meaningful. It's barely a sentence. All he sent me, all he felt was needed to be said… "Is it true?" Those three little words, the ones no girl wants to hear.

He couldn't even use four words, perhaps with more than two letters? Or maybe throw in a little emotion? How can I tell how he's feeling about it, if all he says "Is it true?"? Does he expect me just to reply "Yes" or "No" or write out a 360 text describing how my life has been without him? It's confusing. Nate's confusing.

What I hate the most about this text is that from it, I just want to call him up. Hear his familiar voice in my ear. It drives me crazy, clearly, but I always do what I shouldn't with him. It's like I'm always craving his love, yet whenever I get it, I lose it. For the longest time it's bugged me, how I always seem to lose him. But I think I understand now.

I know it's a big leap from his stupid text. It's just, I get it now. Whenever he loves me, or maybe even _anyone_, it's never unconditional. Whenever something comes up, or someone else comes strolling along, or he learns something he doesn't like, or hears something he can't stand, it's over. And he's always cutting you off, before you can even explain. Finally, no matter what happens, no matter what I say… I'm the one getting heartbroken.

"Why do you care?" Send.

… Fuck. Well he replied _way_ different then I thought (I doubted he'd even reply after that). It was four words. It has more than two letters. It has emotion. It shows how he cares. "Because I've missed you." Cue I'm-totally-screwed music, and I'm out!

*Line*

"The First Face I Saw"

As the train pulled up into the station, I couldn't have been more excited. It felt so exhilarating, pulling into the place I call home. My energy finally had started to kick back in, and I was ready to get off this metal dinosaur. So before the train even stopped, I grabbed my suitcases and headed for the door, making me the first off.

Imagine my face, happily smiling, searching for my dad, brothers, step-mom, maybe even Vanessa. Imagine how my heart is racing as I search for them. All the noises around me fade out. Unfamiliar faces are just blurs. Now imagine my face when I see someone I know.

Then imagine that look gone. I see their face. I know who they are. I know their game. But I have no idea why they're here. Why they'd waste their precious time to see me. Were they even here for me? They could have been here for any one, yet when I caught their eye, we were then locked into an intense stare. Only time could break it.

Slowly I started to drag my suitcases to him, only breathing with every step. That rushing heart rate is now gone. It's slow and peaceful. Something I never imagined. Not with them. Never. Yet here I was, counting every step I took to reach him. Getting close enough to stare into those deep eyes, and happily drown in them as they take me higher and higher.

In one, sly motion he flicked his cigarette bud down to the ground, not for a moment breaking our stare. His hand ran through his hair, making my knees a bit weak. He was now in motion as well, taking long, dragging steps to me. This all feels so serial.

My mouth barely opened. I had no idea what I was even going to say. I knew I had to say _something_. "What are you doing here?" A small gulp went down my throat. Maybe it was just the growing crowd, but I couldn't help but feeling hotter.

"It's the least I can do…" Chuck's perfect, handsome voice (I know "handsome", what a way to describe a voice. If you knew Chuck, you'd understand) slipped out between his lips. My eyes couldn't help but stray to the rest of his body before he continued to talk. Purple colored shirt. Black, silk over jacket. Pink and purple tie. All so very Chuck. I loved it.

His hand reached out for my bad, accidentally skimming the hand of mine that was already holding onto it. Dramatically, like in a movie, we stared at each other. Electricity shot through my entire body. It was just so… Amazing.

Quickly he yanked his eyes away from mine. "Everyone else is waiting by the car. I said I'd help you out. Hope that's alright." He sounded regretful (good), and a little flustered. It was nice to see Chuck Bass have other emotions then, well, Chuck Bass.

"Totally fine." Was all I could say with a weak smile. I was the one that was flustered. I just wasn't expecting to see _him_, _here_.

"Good…" Chuck's voice trailed off, and as it trailed off, a smile grew. A little one. One that I don't think he wanted me to catch. I won't tell him I saw it. My lips are sealed. But I'm glad I caught it. Because when he smiles, there's nothing else in the world you want to concentrate on.

*Line*

A/N: So what do you think about "Part 2"? I like it (for the most part). So to let you all know, I _tried_ writing a part as Nate, but it didn't go so well. I wrote seven, pretty long, paragraphs, but it didn't feel right. I still think I might try Chuck in the future… My least favorite part in this probably has to be the text stuff with Nate, just because it's so jumbled. Right now I'm trying to get Jenny's emotions sorted out. Hang on with me and her while we do that! x)

Questions: 1. Fave part? 2. LEAST fave part? 3. Chuck or Nate (at this point)? 4. Do you have someone that can text you at any time, and you wouldn't be mad JUST because it's them?


	3. 21 Questions

Part 3

"21 Questions"

As we left the platform it instantly got ten levels quieter. Which honestly scared the hell out of me, I was afraid Chuck might hear my heart wanting to pound out of my chest. I don't know why I was feeling like this, but it was just taking me over. It was probably just because I hadn't seen him in so long. Yeah... that's got to be it.

Feeling this way made it hard to speak. Not like I even knew what I'd say. It had almost been a whole year since we last saw each other. Which you'd think might actually help with finding things to talk about since we barely knew anything about each other anymore. But what would be a safe topic to bring up? I don't want to pry, make things even more uncomfortable then they are.

"So... When did you start smoking?" I asked with my weakest voice, taking second lasting glances at him. Breathing became harder as I watched a look of annoyance wash over his face. Shit. "Not to pry or anything. Just curious..." Every time I spoke I couldn't help but let my voice drift off. Chuck made me feel so intimidated, because no matter how much older I get, or how much richer my family becomes, I'll always be Jenny Humphrey from Brooklyn and he'll always be Chuck Bass the devil of the Upper East Side. Is that a stupid way to think about it?

There was pure silence as I continued to walk. Coyly I glanced over to him again, just to see there was no more Chuck walking beside me. I looked to both sides, still no him. Finally I just turned completely around. And to no surprise, there he was. Standing completely still in a non-stop moving crowd. He was staring at the ground, as if it would give him an answer. There was no more annoyance, but seemed to be pain. I never knew smoking was such a tough topic for Chuck.

Quickly, not wanting to waste a second of my chance to apologize, I walked back to him. When his eyes finally left the ground, and looked into mine, they became clear and calm once again. "Listen, I'm really sorry if I brought up something-" before I could even finish, he cut me off.

"No, it's fine. The answer just kind of hit me, and I'm not really sure if you care to hear it." Chuck sighed quietly. His eyes were bouncing off signs, people, walls, the ceiling, anything but me. He caught me nodding my head yes though, as he switched people. His lips barely parted, as if he was still debating if he should tell me. "Blair. Being with Blair, she wanted us to be the perfect couple in our twisted perfect way, and being perfectly twisted didn't include smoking."

I second questioned myself before I spoke, but I decided to say it anyway. "But you didn't even smoke, like, _ever_ even before you and Blair got together." I was going to add "Except the occasional joint I always saw you smoking a little ways down from school before classes started", but I assumed that would be better left unsaid.

A soft smirk barely, just barely, raised the corners of his lips. Like he knew I caught a snag in his excuse- or I mean- _reason_. "That is… Very true." Finally he looked me in the eyes, once again, ready to have a real conversation. "But when you're with someone who doesn't want curtain things from you, what do you when they're done with you? Do everything they hated."

I tried to hide it. I tried to conceal it. I simply couldn't. A small smile took over. It made me feel a tad bit guilty to be smiling at it, since it was kind of mean to Blair. Screw that. Blair's mission was always to destroy me. I'll smile all I want.

"So you smoke to spite Blair? Does she even see you smoke?" There was a playfulness in my voice, one I made sure he'd hear. He'd have to admit, it was kind of a silly idea. Smoking solely to piss someone off? That's like me dating Damien and dealing drugs; it was to piss off my dad, to be a teen in revolt. We do it because we can. To prove everyone else (my dad or Blair) that they can't stop us.

Chuck just kept his smirk up. As if I was going to get an answer from that. "And since when did you stop wearing so much eyeliner? I think I can see some of your eyelids!" Normally if this came from Chuck, I think I'd be a little offended (if it came from anyone actually), but his voice sounded free, hinting to his joking side he never wanted to show.

So he pitched with sarcasm, I'll hit with sarcasm. "It's the craziest thing actually!" I took a step forward, trying to get us to walk again. Everyone was probably already wondering where we were. "People in Hudson aren't big fans of raccoons. So it was either ditch the extra layer of eyeliner, or be completely friendless for my stay."

After I said that, a nerve inside me got hit. "Friendless". Something I've gotten to familiar with. Even before I became the new girl in Hudson, starting on the social rank as zero, I lost everyone here in New York. Once you remember how having friends feels, and realizing you don't have that anymore, only makes the pain twice as bad.

Who do I have?

"Are you upset you and Clarissa (out of the story: I have no idea what Chuck's new girlfriend in season 3 is named, but she looks like a Clarissa to me, so I'm going to go with that [hope that's alright…]) broke up?" I know I said I didn't want to step on any delicate issues, but he just confessed some of his feelings towards Blair, I think I'm safe. Then again their (Chuck and Clarissa's) relationship did end because of Blair…

We only took four steps, and Chuck stopped again. If I want to get any where I think I need to stop asking him these kinds of questions. "What is this, 21 questions?" He barely chuckled. He was trying to hide the hurt inside. Hurt I could somehow see.

Either Chuck was getting worse with hiding his emotions, or I was getting better at reading them. When the stone wall starts to show cracks, you know something is up. It's kind of nice though. There are no little hidden messages that, no matter how hard you try to get, that you miss.

I gave him a joking grin. "May-beee…" my voice was sweet and seducing. Giving off that feel of innocents, yet when the lights go out I'm a whole different girl. Not that I was _trying_ to seduce him, it was just how my voice came out. More than anything it was taunting.

That voice you use to answer a question with uncertainty. The one that you use to taunt your brother or sister with because it drove them crazy not knowing if you're serious. He'd never know if I was serious or not, unless he made me answer. But why would he waste his time on that? It was a perfect taunt.

No one spoke. We just stared at each other again. My breathing normal as his slowed down. A look in his eyes made it seem like he was about to answer. If this was a game of 21 questions, it'd defiantly be an intense one. I think I'd win.

"Everything happens for a reason." Chuck said nonchalantly as he scratched the back of his head. I'm pretty sure that's a sign of nervousness. Talking about this probably isn't the softest topic for him (my bad for bringing it up). Or maybe he just didn't want to talk to me. Which I guess is perfectly understandable.

As he said that, "Everything happens for a reason", I couldn't help but flash back to our hands skimming the other's as he reached for my bag. Then flashing back to Dan knocking Chuck out right after he proposed to Blair, and then to Chuck and I being… together. All these memories started zooming down my mind with him. Going from when he tried to hook me up with Nate at the party at Brooklyn, to the very first day we met at that party. It even dragged, and ended, on the horrible rooftop where he tried to steal what in the future he ended up stealing any ways.

I hoped my voice didn't come off to mellow as I responded. "Yeah…" My deep blue eyes couldn't help but to fall into his dreamy brown ones. "I guess everything does." My voice came out with that mellow I was trying to avoid, and with some relief. Maybe even happiness.

We can't be proud of everything we did. We can't change what people chose to do to us. And we can't change all that has already been done. But what we _can_ do, is embrace it all (yes, even those really shitty parts), because they may lead up to something great. More amazing then we could ever imagine.

Chuck exhaled as he started to walk past me, his breath just barely hitting my neck. That's when I was the one to freeze.

It all just might add up…

Quickly I caught up to him. Just in time for him to look at me. "They all probably think you didn't make it, and I just left, forgetting to tell them." He let out a laugh. A contagious one and it made me start to softly giggle as well. Chuck rarely laughed, at least to me, so it was nice to hear it. "What do you think they're thinking right now?"

"Do you think they even care?" We both stayed silent, answering my question. Of course they didn't. No one wanted me home. So why be worried about where I was? Chuck seemed to get that. "Ready for some more deeply personal questions as we walk back?" I smiled at him, with a slight joke tone to my voice. I don't think I'd go very far with my questions any more.

All he did was smile back. Just like that we were officially off to find my family. And our game of 21 questions continued. I felt like I was finally getting to know the real Chuck Bass, and it was great.

"Out Of My Comfort Zone (Which Is Surprisingly Home)"

We approached the limo that was clearly ours, a group of well dressed people just standing there (not many Upper East Side families do this kind of thing), while I was trying not to crack up. Question number 20 was "Angelina Jolie's lips, or Jennifer Aniston's boobs?" Clearly, if you couldn't tell, we were running out of non-prying questions to ask. And what made all of this even funnier was that I actually answered.

After he asked, I instantly answered. "Jennifer Aniston's boobs for sure! Because honestly," I stared down at my own little boobs, "these are kind of pathetic. Plus, I don't think I could pull of Angelina's lips." I puckered my lips up as much as I could.

Chuck, finally, let out a full on laugh. He glanced at them for a second. Normally I'd slap him, but under the circumstances I thought I'd let it slid this _one_ time. "They're not that bad." Then his eyes went to my lips, "I'm not into the big lip thing any ways. Yours are just… Perfect." He lightly smiled at me.

Of course I smiled back, but I still wanted to crack up. I probably shouldn't have answered it so quickly. It was like I've thought about it before, and I already knew what I wanted to say. I haven't thought of it before, obviously, but I could help but blurt it out.

When we reached everyone, my smile quickly vanished, and when I looked over to Chuck, he was already taking steps to distance himself from me. Was he embarrassed to be next to me? Was it really that bad with everyone? Or was he just afraid what they might think? Either one it is, I'm now officially freaking the hell out.

I took a quick look of everyone that was here to get me. Rufus was here, no surprise. Lily was here, she was here but I'm not too sure how happy she actually is to see me. Dan, of course he's here, he'll always love me no matter how much I screw up. Vanessa, _yes_ (I still have my sister)! Erik, boy have I missed that face. Serena, forced to be here no doubt. Blair-wait… what?

"Oh my God," I barely muttered out under my breath as I saw her face right next to Dan's. That was Blair Waldorf. The person who ran me out of the Upper East Side because _her_ ex-boyfriend made a mistake, just so happened he made that mistake with me, but whatever. Why in hell's name was she part of my welcome party?

Dan pushed past Lily and Rufus to get to me. Like the big brother he is, he threw his arm around my shoulder and pulled me in tight. "Good 'Oh my God', right?" He kissed the top of my head, which made me turn a little pink. He was never going to let me grow up. I'll always be his baby sister.

I tried to smile. I really did. But the happiness just wasn't rushing through my veins. I felt more comfortable, and had more fun, walking with Chuck here, then I was seeing everyone who (supposedly) loves me. Call me paranoid, which this probably is (at least, I hope that's what it is), but all I felt was judging eyes on me. They were all looking for flaws on me, and felt as if my body, my soul, just gave them those flaws.

Completely I turned around, my back now facing them, and gave Dan a huge hug. My eyes buried into his shoulder, trying my hardest to keep the tears back. "Of course it's a good thing Dan." I pulled away, hoping my eyes weren't stained Tear-Red. "I've missed you so much." Slowly I turned back to everyone. "All of you… I've missed all of you." Ten minutes being back and already I was lying through my teeth.

Everyone was smiling. Which would normally be a good sign, but they were just the smiles I've seen a thousand times. Smiles that turn into frowns, and then into anger; all leading up to hatred towards me. But then there's the person who's _not_ smiling, which is actually less scary then all the smiles. At least I know for a fact she hates me.

And no, it is not Blair. Instead it's Serena. Her eyes burning a hole in my soul. As naïve as it was, I was secretly hoping it'd all be ok once I got back and saw everyone again. Instead it seems to be back to normal. Great.

"Let's get back to the apartment, and really get this party started." Vanessa chirped in from behind Chuck's head. It was like she could see the happiness drain out of my face. For that I love her like a sister. She knows when I'm in pain, and knows when to help stop it.

I could go into the whole Nate thing. But I'm just not.

So like the insane, mismatched group we were, we all started to get into our limo. After the first four of us though, it didn't feel so big any more. Blair stopped before entering, peeking at everyone crammed together. Then she looked at Dan, the only other person still not in the limo, then back to us. A weak smile came and went.

"Since I arrived late, I brought my own limo. And since it's so crowded, I think I'll just take that." She said it in her very best Blair-like persona. What wasn't so Blair-like is what she said next. "Dan, would you like to join me? You know… Since it's already so crammed in there?" Is that a _real_ smile I see?

Dan shrugged, pretending as if he didn't care. Now I couldn't tell if it was a good I don't care, or a bad one. All I could tell was that he was hiding something under his plain-Humphrey face. Then his eyes caught me staring at him.

"Uh, sure. Why not?" He smiled at me, knowing I was trying to read him. "Don't worry Jenny, we'll get to talk in no time." Then, without another word, he slammed the door shut, and all I could do was watch them walk to Blair's limo through the back window.

It was weird watching Dan and Blair. She couldn't stop laughing (I honestly don't think Dan's the funniest person ever…), he couldn't stop smiling. They seemed so happy for people who use to hate each other more than hatred itself. It gave me a bit of hope that maybe after some time, time can change things. Maybe all I need to do is give Serena a bit more time to get use to me.

Serena caught me glancing at her, making her glare go from bad to death glare.

Or maybe not.

Awkwardly we all just sat there, quite as can be. It didn't help with my feeling out of comfort. It was just purely awkward. No one wanted to talk to the others. No one even wanted to talk to me. It felt kind of ridiculous.

I took a deep breath. Prepared myself for a fake smile. And just went for it. "So how's it going?" It was sent to no in particular, yet I was hoping anyone might answer.

Who knew an awkward silence was a deadly killer?

*Line*

A/N: This time I'm not really going to give my opinion. I just hope you liked it. Next chapter is DEFIANTLY going to be my favorite yet! And you may ask "Why is the next chapter your favorite Jamie?" and I will simply say "Because Question 21 hasn't been asked yet… ;D "

Sorry for the crappiness -.-' I am really sorry. It'll all change soon though! And the plot will thicken. Next chapter will actually explain A LOT (at least I'm hoping it will… :x)


	4. Changes, Hallways, & A Bottle Of Scotch

Part 3

"Something Is Different"

(Apologizing for grammar errors in advance. Jamie = really tired)

The limo slowly pulled over to the curb, letting everyone out. And trust me, I got out of that thing as fast as I could. The fresh air outside was truly a savior to me as I breathed it in. Dense-awkward moods make dense-awkward air. Ultimately equally almost impossible to breath. It really made me wonder how they survived the twenty or so minutes waiting for me.

As I thought about what they might have been talking about before I got there, and breathed in the nice and cool New York air, my eyes saw a face that my mind didn't quite register. I continued to think and breath (well... breathing is kind of a must; you know what I mean). I looked up at all the skyscrapers, until I looked back at that face, it finally registering. With that all my other thoughts just disappeared. No questions asked.

I ran over like an idiot, which I wasn't really caring about at the moment, but right before I ran into them I stopped to stare into their eyes. Beautifully blue as always. Then he smiled, and that hadn't changed much either. Still able to charm the ass off of anyone. Everything just seemed to be so perfect with him. Then again... He's Nate Archibald.

Before I could even open my mouth, which I was _just_ about to do, Nate beat me to the punch. "Well hello there Jennifer." His voice was sarcastic, because when has he ever seriously called me Jennifer? Even with a sarcastic tone, his voice was music to my ears. To think I wanted to rip his head off on the train ride home, and now here I was. Totally, and completely, captured just in his voice.

My lips fought to open, but I just couldn't. I had no words to say. I wanted to throw my arms around him and hug him until I couldn't hug him no more, yet my arms were just to nervous. Everything was so jumbled with him near. Finally my body agreed on what to do. I threw my arms him gently. "Hi Nate, it's been to long." Quietly I whispered into his ear. I pulled away at a normal pace, not wanting to raise any suspicions.

Gently he pushed a strand of hair out of my face, making pink start to take over my cheeks. I didn't want to over analyze it (well, ok I really _did_ want to over analyze it), but could this be a sign of him actually regretting not talking to me? A sign that he wants me back in his life. Or maybe this is just me regretting not trying to get him back in my life sooner. Either way, this feeling in my stomach meant something. Something I now desperately needed to figure out.

"Jenny Humphrey," Nate stared at me, examining my body, like he was trying to find everything that changed. But if he wanted that, he was going to have to look a lot deeper. "Little J from Brooklyn." He shook his head. Was he... disappointed in what he saw? "I've missed you." And there's that welcoming, charming smile I knew.

Once again I just wanted to strangle him in a hug. Why did his smile have to be so convincing? Because if you knew Nate, you'd know the rest of him isn't always so convincing. And I know better, but... I'm back now. Is it naïve to think things could be different this time? I don't think it's naïve, just probably not the best way to dive head first in with returning home. How about, for now, we settle for: I have a chance (hopefully).

Before I could say anything, Blair's limo pulled up, Dan exiting it happily. As happy, and captured within him I was, Nate suddenly just seemed less important, or maybe this just caught my interest more. Why, no _how_, could Dan be so happy next to Blair? I can't even count how many insults I've heard her say about him, to him, or laugh when she heard something about him. And there's probably, actually I know there is, a lot more that I've never even heard her say. Dan isn't, or should I say wasn't, Blair's biggest fan either. Yet here they were. Smiling at each other like close friends.

This couldn't help but give me more hope to being happy here. If two people who have hated each other so much can make amends like this, almost anything seems possible. There is a chance for anything. Whether it's Nate wanting me back, and I mean more then a friend, or Serena forgiving me and finally being my sister again. There has to be some hope-

And then reality set in. Maybe Dan and Blair are ok now. And maybe Chuck has become a better person. But that doesn't make the world spin right. Because as soon as Blair passed Serena, that smile that Dan gave her quickly disappeared, yet appeared seconds after she passed. It's the thing parents or adults don't notice. I feel trained in this field though, so I could definitely see the quick glance of hatred between them. Now that's reality. That hatred will always rule the Upper East Side, and just in general beat everything else.

Then, as Blair passed Chuck she, she... She didn't do anything. There was no glare of hatred. No glance anger. No fist tightening of revenge. Not even any disappointment in her eyes. It was like she was just Blair, and Chuck Bass no longer had a hold on her. I don't get how that's possible, but that's all I could see.

This reality is freaking me out.

"Should we go up?" I heard Nate's voice, but his face was no where in sigh. I was to hung up trying to figure out what the hell was happening with Blair. She clearly still hated Serena since there fall out, shouldn't her hatred for Chuck still show too? What he did was a lot worse. "Or are you having a ball standing in the middle of the sidewalk?"

I whipped my head around, making my hair fly, to look Nate face to face once again. A fake smile was all I could really get out. For some reason seeing Blair's calmness with Chuck is freaking me out. There are just so many possibilities. She could have gotten really good at hiding her anger over the summer. Her and Chuck could secretly be together. She could have a new boyfriend, so Chuck doesn't seem so important any more. Or maybe she really had learned to let go... Nah.

So, without even bothering to try and mutter out a word, I headed straight for the apartment doors. There was the same doorman as last year, Phillip. They got a new rug for him to stand on though, it's nice and red. They might of changed a picture or two in the waiting room, but besides for that... Hello home sweet home.

*Line*

"Back and Forth Through These Halls"

The elevator felt crowded, so once again Blair and Dan offered to wait for the next one. Now this was starting to bug me. I am all up for forgiving, but becoming instant BFFs? I just don't know. After everything they've been through, could they ever really be that close? One of them was scheming against the other. They just had to be.

But disregarding Dan and Blair's surprising new fondness of each other, this not so surprising and not so new tension was driving me to hell and back. In a way I wish we could just say what we all knew was true, and get on with it. Serena still hates me. And you could tell by just looking at them that Rufus and Lily were having marriage problems, _again_. Erik was kind of just there. Nate wanted to, I don't know, talk to me? Vanessa was annoyed with Blair and Serena, well no duh. Did I mention Serena wanted to slap me? Just those kind of feelings.

After a minute or so of the elevator going up, it finally opened to the very new apartment. The walls were repainted, new pictures were up, the kitchen was remodeled. You know what all this told me? _Besides_ the fact a lot can change in a year? Lily and Rufus were a lot worse off then I thought. All it did was make me have flash back to when my mom first decided to "have her space". At first it was normal, well as normal as it could be, and we acted as if it really was normal. But when my dad realized she wasn't ever coming back, even after that brief period of time she did, we changed a lot.

We got new curtains, the exact opposite color and design of the ones my mom loved. A new couch, even though my dad loved our old one. I was allowed to repaint my room and decorate it however I wanted (my dad likes to claim it was because I was getting older and I could use a change, but I know differently). We even got a new waffle maker! And what was going on with Rufus and Lily, they were all the same signs.

Just maybe with better, more expensive taste...

Vanessa and Erik started talking as they headed for the coach to sit down. Lily and Rufus headed for the kitchen which was set up for a big "family" dinner. Which really just left Nate, Serena, and me, so I smiled my best at the both of them before exiting. And I was about to rush over to Vanessa and Erik so I could maybe feel relaxed for a minute, but I felt a sudden pull on my arm. I spun around to see Nate smiling, with this look on his face like "You can't get away that easily." Which clearly made Serena get even more pissed off. Ha-ha.

"Do you need something?" I said, trying my best to hide my way-to-happy smile. It's ok to be super happy to see someone, but showing it like a crazy person never seemed like a good idea. Besides, how do I even know if this happiness is real? It could just be a time limited rush from seeing the only guy I've ever really fallen for. Getting my heartbroken by falling to fast, not realizing I'm just in the friend zone, again is not on my list of things to do well back in New York.

"Just a chance to really talk to you." Nate smiled a very happy smile, and I know, I just said showing to much happiness at once could seem weird, but he's Nate. Whenever he smiles it's acceptable. I don't even know exactly why he's smiling yet either. For all I know he's just missed having a girl to fall back on.

I glanced back at Vanessa and Erik. They were well enough off talking to each other. Getting stolen away by Nate wouldn't harm any one except herself. "Of course. It'd be really nice to catch up." I tried to smile, but I couldn't help but get a feeling it wasn't going to be as nice as I made it out to be.

We walked down the hall, side by side, so close we might as of been holding hands. We weren't going any where in particular, kind of just walking these familiar halls. I admired the new pictures and wondered if Nate had seen them as well, maybe Dan had invited him over for dinner; I didn't even know if they were still very close. I realized I really didn't know much about Nate at all.

"So how was your senior year in Hudson?" Nate grinned as he continued to talk, with his voice getting sarcastic, "Did Mrs. Jenny Humphrey rule the school?" I get that he was trying to be funny about it, but it kind of hit a nerve. It seems like no matter what school I go to, it turns into some kind of hell. Either I'm a pushover or a bitchy queen. Hudson was a split between both. Surprise, surprise.

I really didn't want to talk about school. "It was alright. Hudson boys just aren't the same as you New York ones, but it was alright. And prom was... Interesting to say the least." Well I'm stupid. If I wanted this conversation to stop, I wouldn't bring up a night like prom.

Nate got this curious grin, like he knew this was going to be fun to hear about. But I'll tell you now, it won't be fun to relive. "Really? What happened at prom?" His eyes were glistening anxiously. He seemed a little _too_ excited to hear my hell.

"You know what? It was stupid can we just-" I was cut off by Serena suddenly stepping in front of me. For once I was happy to see her annoying blond hair. And, yes, hair can be annoying, it's Serena.

Serena stepped right in front of me, so not only was she blocking me she was four inches away from Nate's face. Great. "Can I steal Jenny away for a moment? I haven't gotten a chance to welcome her back." She used her cheerful voice that I never hear while she's talking to me anymore. And before he could even answer she took me by the arm and started walking the opposite way down the hall.

A like a little girl dragging her dolly, me being the dolly, we reached the kitchen where Lily and Rufus had already to there room (they were probably arguing about something). I put on my best fake smile as Serena turned around, just to get her realist glare. Times like this I wish I could just throw my hands up in the air and tell her she wins. Because none of this feels worth it at this point.

"What do you think you're trying to do?" She whispered-yelled at me. There was no point in asking what, she was just going to yell at me for it any second. "Are you trying to get Nate back? Because I'll tell you now it's not going to work." Pissed, she crossed her arm, never letting her glare leave me.

I had to stop myself from rolling my eyes. This was just so... Serena. Thinking I'm here to take what's _not_ hers. "I'm not here to try and get anyone. I'm back to be with family." A sigh slipped out, with my regretting my words before I even spoke. "Which does include you."

For a brief second the anger left Serena's face, just for it to come back. It made me think, had she forgotten the fact she was practically my sister? I might not love her to death, and I know the feeling isn't mutual, but we are what we are. She'd always have a place in my heart. True it's downsized the last year; it's still there. I wasn't about to say that though.

"Blair ran you out of here, and her threat clearly didn't stick. But mine will." Before I could even blink she was up in my face. So close I could feel her breathing. This was not only scary, but weird. "If you try anything I promise you-" And then she stopped, taking a step back. Not because she wanted to, but because someone was making her.

I followed her eyes to the person behind me, to my surprise it wasn't Dan, or Nate, or my dad, or whoever; it was Blair. There she was. Just standing there, her eyes giving Serena the dirtiest of looks. I could feel the anger bouncing off the both of them, being stuck in the middle only made it worse. Now all I had to do was wait to hear, and feel, the punches that were thrown with their words.

Blair walked to my side, glancing at me while flashing a quick smile before returning her stare to Serena. "What were you saying, S? What do you have planned for Jenny?" That original evil Blair smirk got on her face, which made me a little excited to hear what she was going to say. "There really isn't much you can do. All you have over Jenny is the fact you use to date Dan. But I think we all know Dan's learned from his mistake..." Her eyes tighten and she got a fake smile before she took my hand and started leading me away.

This was getting ridiculous. First Nate walks me down one way, then Serena practically drags me the other way, and now I didn't even know where Blair was taking me. More importantly, I didn't even know what she wanted with me, or why she saved me from Serena. The one and only thing I'll miss about Hudson (besides for my mom, obviously)? It wasn't so damn confusing.

We continued to walk until we reached Serena's old bedroom, which use to be my old bedroom, which is now Serena's bedroom again. Not to be negative, but she decorated it horribly. It looked way better when I was living here. It was like she looked up "French Artists" and just picked the most expensive pieces she saw because she thought she was being artsy. So stupid.

Finally I removed my hand from Blair's grasp. "Ok, can I ask what the hell that was all just about?" I probably came off a lot more negative then I should have, I mean, I am thankful she saved me, but the thing is I have no idea why. "Last time I checked you hated me, yet here you are making Serena look like a fool to save me."

All Blair did was sigh and give me this look like I was stupid for even asking. "We have to stick together. Serena can be really scary when you're alone, but she's really not that bad. All bark, no bite." With that it made it seem like she told me everything I had to know, really I had no idea what she was talking about.

"Since when have we, been a 'we'?" I put bunny ears around the second 'we', not sure what she was talking about. The last time Blair was nice to me was... Well actually I can't even remember a day when she was just nice. Maybe at the end of her sleepover, where she gave me my props for making it back, but even for that I had to go through her evilness.

"Since I finally had my last straw with her." It wasn't that hard to tell that Blair was talking about the fact when they went to France together this summer, she ended up pushing Serena into fountain. No really knows what they were fighting about. Rumors went wild it was about Chuck, which I could never really challenge with anything else. "Us Serena survivors have to stick together."

Awkwardly I scratched the back of my head. This... Was just not right. "Well, thank you Blair." Barely I mumbled to myself, "I think..." I started to take a few steps to the door. "I think I'm going to go say hi to Erik, see what's up. But, uh, talk to you later?"

As I started to leave the room I heard her yell after me, "It's good to have you back Jenny!" I stopped to face her as she continued. "I mean it. New York was just as crazy, but it really wasn't the same without you here." With that she smiled. With that I left the room.

I know, I know. Shouldn't I be happy the person who wanted to completely destroy was now on my side? It was just to weird. We hadn't talked. We hadn't seen each other. I mean, the last memory we have together is when she found out about Chuck and I and threatened to ruin my life. Maybe I'm just being paranoid, but if going to Constance has taught me anything, it's that you can never trust any one once they've betrayed you (or you've betrayed them).

*Line*

"Question 21"

A/N: If you haven't liked it this far, I promise you this part will make it ALL better! (hopefully...)

The clock struck 2am, and I was now sure everyone was asleep. About an hour ago I heard Lily and Rufus get into a fight, just for it to die out twenty minutes later and their light click off. Vanessa headed home around 10 because she had a paper to write. Erik still had school tomorrow, so he went to bed around 11. Serena and Nate left a while ago, and Dan went back to the Brooklyn apart around 10:30. And I don't even know when Blair left, she just disappeared at some point.

Trying to not make any noise, I tip-toed out to the kitchen. I hadn't eaten anything all day. I was to nervous to eat before getting on the train, and then I forgot to pack any food. Then dinner was so awkward all I did was gulp down two glasses of champagne, and barely touched my food. It's kind of funny, 2am is the only time I felt comfortable to do anything in this place.

It was only after I opened the fridge and grabbed the milk carton that I realized the lamp still on in the living room. Slowly I set the milk down, heading toward the light. That's when I saw his figure, leaning over a glass of, what I could guess was scotch. He appeared like a silhouette, something someone would frame. Yet at the same time he looked like a mess, and his only cure was more alcohol.

This was the Chuck Bass I knew.

"Are you ok?" I knew the answer before I asked the question. Something was definitely going on with him. Even at the train station I could tell something was off. And I know, he was being nicer then usual and even laughed with me; that's what was so wrong. It might have been nice, but that's what gave it away that he wasn't ok.

It took him a moment to drag his eyes off his scotch and look up at me. His eyes were blood shot red already, yet his words weren't even slurred. "What do you think?" He looked at me like he actually wanted an answer. I didn't have a clue what to say. "I lost the only girl who has ever loved me for every rotten piece of me. I moved out of my apartment with my best friend back to my step-mom's place. And it's now 2am, I'm trying to drink all my problems away..." His words got softer as he finished his sentence, "and then Ms. Jenny Humphrey walks in."

Carefully I placed myself beside him, not wanting to make it awkward (or, more awkward than is). "Well... Is that a bad thing Ms. Jenny Humphrey walked in?" Which was a risky question to ask, because I didn't even know what I wanted the answer to be. Of course I wanted him to be ok with me, there was a line though, and I was afraid for it to get crossed to soon.

He took the bottle of scotch, poured into the second empty glass, then poured it into his own glass. He handed the second one to me, giving me a grin. "It's a great thing. Now I have some one to talk to as I try and sober out." We clinked our glasses together right before he chugged the whole thing down. "What are you doing up this late anyways?"

When he asked that, I was trying to figure out if he really cared, or was just asking to make conversation. Either way I was going to tell him, but Chuck is so hard to read sometimes you just want to try to see what he's thinking for the challenge. "I haven't eaten all day. Any time I've tried, it's been to awkward, because either my mom was panicking if I had everything, or Serena was giving me the death glare, or Blair kept trying to be nice to me."

As soon as I said 'Blair', I saw Chuck's eyes close tightly, like he was thinking. Getting over some one takes time, I can understand that. It took me practically two years to finally get over Nate, and he never even loved me back. Blair and Chuck were this perfect couple in a real messed up way, so I can see what getting over her would be tough. The thing was, Blair was perfectly happy now, yet Chuck was still suffering. It was like he didn't _want_ to get over her.

"Yeah, Blair's been acting different the past couple of months." Chuck poured another glass, just staring at the scotch as it splashed into the glass. Before I could protest, he grabbed my glass and filled it up as well. "At least one of us is happy, right?" I could tell he didn't mean that. Either he wanted her to miserable with him, or he wanted to be happy.

I sipped the scotch, it's always been a little too strong for me. "Don't you deserve to be happy too? You guys might have had a fall out, but that doesn't mean one of you has to be miserable while the other moves on with their life." In a way it felt wrong for me to give advice on this, I'm the miserable party in almost all my situations, and I'm still not happy about any of it.

"That's the thing... I don't know how to be happy without her." That's when he took his eyes off his scotch, and on to me. When you were little, and you skimmed your knee or your toy broke or even right after your parents yelled at you, you know that broken stare you have while the tears start to creep in? That's all I could see on his face. I knew Chuck was damaged goods, but now I realize he's much more then damaged. He's broken.

My hand lightly touched his as I removed the glass from his hand, setting it on the coffee table. My eyes never left his as I set it down. I don't know why we had so much fun when he picked me up. I don't know why we were connecting now. And I don't even know why my heart is starting to ache. All I knew was it was happening, and it had something, or everything, to do with Chuck Bass.

That's when he took my hand and stood up. I rose with him without even thinking, I was following him like a zombie as he brought me to the window. Lightly he let go, glancing at me quickly before staring out to the lights. "Look outside. Look at the apartments with the lights still on. The people walking down on the streets. Taxi cabs and cars zooming down the road." He looked back at me, my eyes meeting with his. "Where do you think they're going? Do you think some one is waiting for them wherever that is?"

"When I was on the train ride home, I wondered who'd be there for me. If my dad would even pick me up."Our stare was getting to intense for me, I had to look out once again. There was an apartment with it's lights on across the street, a man and woman sitting on a couch. I watched as they slowly moved closer, until their lips touched, and then I looked away. "But it was you. I wasn't expecting you, Chuck."

"I'm... Sorry it was me?" He said confused. I wasn't quite sure what he was asking me, but I was answering in the only way I knew how. "How does that answer my question?" Chuck said it like he wasn't sure if I even got what he asked me. I got it more then he'd ever realize.

I smiled softly, a light feeling filling my stomach. "I didn't know whether or not I'd have someone there. When I did get there though, there was you." I looked back to that apartment, the lights were off, and I had to wonder when going there if those two knew they'd end up so close. "What I'm trying to say is, I didn't think I would have any one, but once I got here I did. I had you. So what I'm really saying is-" His words cut me off.

Chuck's lips barely parted as he finished what I had started, "You don't always know who you'll have until you get there." His tone didn't match his words, like he couldn't believe what he just said. Which I can't blame him for, even I couldn't really put together what I was saying. Yet it all seemed to make sense as we locked eyes once again.

"Question 21," My voice was weak as I spoke, and I couldn't help it. Our eyes stayed in a lock, he didn't even seem to blink. Before I even opened my mouth, my throat got dry and it hurt to speak. "Do you still love Blair?" That's when our stare was broken.

He looked down to the still busy streets, practically gazing at the happy people who walked hand in hand. After a long moment of quietly staring, he started to move back to the couch, grabbing the bottle of scotch. Emotionless he started to walk towards his room, leaving me their watching him. Before actually reaching the hall he stopped, turning back to look into my empty eyes.

His dried lips parted to say one last thing, "I know there's a lot of people who don't like the fact that you're back," Tiredly rubbed his right, trying not to seem like he cared much at all. "But I'm glad your back..." And that's all he said before leaving off to his room, probably going to drink the rest of the scotch before passing out.

Quietly I mumbled to myself, feeling like an idiot. "Glad to be back..." But that was a lie. Being here was the scariest thing since... I don't even know. With all the stupid things I've done in the past, you'd thing this wouldn't be so bad, but for some reason it all seems so much worse then before.

And the weirdest part? The only thing, the only person, who's been able to make any of this seem bearable, just walked of this room. Giving me the answer to my question. Chuck still loves Blair, yet Blair has moved on. Now all I have to figure out is why I even care...

*Line*

A/N: Chenny! Chenny! Well, it's working that way at this point. Kind of. I'm my harshest critic, but I don't like the beginning and middle as much as the end. Maybe it's because I like the Jenny/Chuck interaction better, or maybe I just hate Serena so much that whenever I write with her in it I automatically start to care less (No offense to S lovers...). Who knows. Most importantly, I _**WANT TO APOLOGIZE **_about how long it took to get this chapter out, when it wasn't even as long as the last one (I believe). The last week of summer is kind of haze, mainly helping my dad move and what not, with last minute school packing. Plus it doesn't help that whenever I was at my home with my mom, she kidnapped my laptop almost 24/7 though it's _my_ laptop... :/ So you can kind of see my dilemma on writing. But I've survived my first week back at school, which means more chapters faster and better as I procrastinate actual work! :D

All in all, I really hoped you liked this chapter (at least the end). And you guys have NO idea what I have planned for this story. It's going to insane in the best of ways. Can't wait to get it out =]

PS: LOVE ALL OF YOU FOR FAVING/ALERTING/REVEIWING (had to do it in all caps, did it catch your attention? 3)


	5. A Date With Nate, A Night With Chuck

Part 5

"Who Are You Talking To, Nate Archibald?"

My eyes fluttered open as a small, tired yawn slipped out of my mouth. Lazily I turned my head on my pillow to see the time. 9 o'clock, great. Nothing like a good five hours of sleep to come home to… True, this is the city that never sleeps, but there's a limit for everything.

After talking to Chuck, I didn't feel like eating any more. Instead I put the milk away, wandered back to my room, and laid in my bed for an hour just staring at the ceiling. All I could think about was his tearful stare, only being able to imagine his pain. It wasn't like I _wanted_ to be stuck on him, it was just that way. Whenever I tried to think of something happy, I was just bombarded with thoughts of Chuck.

Slowly I dragged my body out of bed to see who was still here. As I walked, I heard nothing. Not a sound. Was no one really here? Between Lily and Chuck you'd think at least someone would be. I turned the corner, looking into the living room and kitchen. Still, no one. Maybe I could finally eat…

That's when I heard the elevator door bing open. My heart stopped as I waited to see who it was. A sigh of relief accidentally escaped as I saw Nate's welcoming smile. I seriously needed to calm down. Who did I think it was going to be? A robber who not only got pass the doorman, the check in clerk, and not to mention all the cameras? This was the safest place I could be right now.

"Hey, Nate, what are you doing here?" I smiled weakly as I pushed a strand piece of hair behind my ear. Suddenly I realized how crappy I must have looked in my old sweats and my dad's old, worn out sweater. No makeup. No hair done. No nothing. Yet he smiled back at me. That's the nice thing about Nate. He's seen me at my worst (physically and emotionally), but always came back with a smile. Well, eventually, sometimes he ended up hating me for a couple of months, but we always get back to liking each other.

He started to walk to me, still smiling. And I won't lie, it was nice to see it stay and not fade as he got closer. Once we got close, he looked me over. Then his eyes came to mine. "Looking good as always." A small chuckled came out of him, which made me giggle along with him. He meant it in a good way, I could tell.

That's when I felt my face start to blush, I looked away quickly. "So, uh, what are you doing here?" I looked back to him with a more confident smile. _Stay composed_, I told myself.

Nate went from happy, to what seemed to be offended. Was he here for something I should know about? "I'm here for you." He took a seat on the sofa's arm. "Clearly you forgot. Or did I get here early? I've been really bad with time lately." I waited for his facial expression to change, but nothing happened. He just stayed the same.

I tried my best to read his face, I really did. Nothing appeared to be a sign of him joking or anything. It was all just him being serious. Could I really of forgotten something to do with him today? That just seemed so unlikely. "You're here for me for…?" I trailed off, hoping he'd finish my sentence, like Chuck.

No! I need to stop myself. I refuse to let my mind to trail off back to thoughts of him. It sucks Blair's happy and he's not, I get it. But I can't drown in his misery with him. Especially when he doesn't even care if I'm drowning. My life back in New York will be about me and no one else. At least no one who leaves me alone once a hard topic is hit.

"Our date, of course." That's all Nate said as he started to grin. Now this, this I could tell was real unlike his dead serious face. All I had to figure out now is why this was real. There was no one way he actually wanted to go on a _date_ with me. Right…?

"Wait, you don't mean-" My sentence stopped before it even started. Nate just gave me this knowing look. Instantly I caved. I could already feel my heart racing a bit faster. "Right! Our date. Sorry, you are a little early. That's what must of thrown me." This was a familiar game. A game I had no problem playing. "Just… Give me a minute to change, ok?" I started to walk back to my room quickly.

A sarcastic laugh came back from the living. I stopped and looked back. "You're changing? Why?" Nate yelled down the hall. "I think you look beautiful." All I could do was hide my turning pink face and rush into my room.

This was all so weird. Nate was being so sweet. I mean, he's always been a sweet, caring guy when it came to me, but never like this. It was like he was just trying to be nice to me. And that's when my mind started to worry. What if he's just acting this way because he thinks no one else cares that I'm back, and he doesn't want me to be alone? What if he's just bored because he no longer has Blair or Serena or anyone? What if my dad begged him to keep me company so I wouldn't screw up my life again? Or maybe he did care…

Either way, I was scared. My emotions have been so scrambled since, well, last night. If it was just me, or even if it was because of Chuck, I don't know. All I do know is that it's really starting to get on my nerves.

Quickly I changed out of my laundry-day pajamas, zoomed through my still unpacked bags for the cutest thing I could find, and changed into it (a cute, but mature summer dress since it's about that season again). Then I had to go through all the shoes that were left behind in the closet. I found the best pair of heels that went with my dress and strapped them on. Next, makeup. I opened up my makeup case and kind of just went for it.

I looked at the clock. It only took me ten minutes. That's got to be a new record. Slowly I opened my bedroom door, not wanting to seem to egger, though I really was. When I looked out though, I didn't see Nate. I was about to call his name when I heard something. So carefully and quietly I started to walk down the hall. That's when I could hear what he was saying, and I stopped in my tracks.

Nate was on the phone with someone. I didn't want to be a snoop, but I had to hear what he was saying. "Yeah, I know. Don't worry about it. I'm at the apartment right now." My heart stopped, and I really started to hate the fact I could only hear his side of the conversation. "She should be out any minute now. She's super excited about this, don't worry. Ok. I'll talk to you later. Bye." He clicked off his phone.

I paced myself backwards a few steps, took a deep breath, and then walked forward with my best fake smile. I cleared my throat before I spoke, "Hey, you ready?" He smiled right back at me, which was nice, yet all I could wonder was "Is his smile just as fake as mine?"

And this, people, is exactly why I _hate_ New York.

*Line*

"What Do I Want It To Be?"

Side by side we walked down the busy street. Nate kept looking at me as I continuously tried to avoid eye contact with him. I hated this feeling that this was all just a game to him. That he was the player, and I was just another piece for him to move. I wanted to ask him about it, I really did, but I didn't want to destroy this over something that could be nothing.

Am I indecisive or what?

That's when I stopped, my breathing getting slower and slower. If my past life here has taught me anything, it's that if you're not going to do things head on, those things are going to take you out head on. So ready or not, here I go.

"Who were you talking to on the phone?" I stood my ground while Nate walked back to me. People were swerving around us, giving me glares for taking up space. I don't care. Nate gave me this confused look. "Back in the apartment, who were you talking to? And why did they care if you were with me?"

A look of thinking took over, as if this was going to be hard for him to answer. Which made it all the more worrying. "Jenny, I was uh… Don't be mad but I was…" His eyes darted up and down, back and forth, looking for the answer in the sky or the street. I had a feeling I was going to be mad. "I was talking to Dan. I asked him if it was alright if I took you out." There was something in the tone of his voice that didn't sound so convincing.

My eyes didn't leave his face for a second. Nate was not the best liar, clearly. "Really? And why would it even matter what Dan said?" And that's when my heart started to sink a bit, I had to mumble to myself. "It's not like he's cared how I've been the last year." The sad but true reality of my relationship with my big brother.

Nate stuttered as he began to talk, another sign of his honest being far from his words. "Because… I want to do things right this time." Now his eyes stopped avoiding mine, and looked me dead on, which caused my eyes to stray. This all didn't seem right. "The last three years I've known you, we've always screwed up. Whether it was me, or you. But I want to do it _right_ this time." Gently I felt his hands take mine.

"Wait," I took a deep breath, gathered my strength, and looked him in his piercing eyes. "So when you said this was a date, you meant it?" When he first said it was a date before, I assumed it was just another way of saying hanging out. Could all of this I took as lying really just be nerves? Or perhaps I'm just being foolish again…

"What do you want it to be?" Nate's words started to disappear as Chuck's began. "You'll only know once you arrive." Was this part of my arrival? Being here with Nate? Could all my freshman dreams be coming true right now? I looked back at our hands, butterflies just starting to take over.

Carefully I slipped my hands out of his. I will not rush into anything. It's time to take things slow for a change. No matter how badly I wanted to kiss his soft lips once again. "I want us to have today." I took a step forward, now standing right by his side, and took his hand. "Let's just talk. Finally get to know all the things we've missed in the past." A small smile started to take over my lips.

I couldn't help but be surprised when Nate started to smile back at me. His words came out perfectly, "That sounds good to me." And by the sound of his voice, it really did sound good. We started to walk again, still hand in hand. "Who knows? If you think it goes well, maybe I could finally call you my girlfriend." His grip tightened a bit. "For real this time. Not some one night make-out session."

My heart raced just thinking of that night. Never would I admit to him that was one of the best nights of my life. But I guess of course it'd be amazing if it was my teenage girl dream coming true. Making out with Nate Archibald in the middle of the night, on an empty sidewalk next to an empty street, with nothing but the New York lights behind us. That wasn't real though. That was a one night fantasy.

So I took another breath. Took another step forward. Looked up to the blue sky. And I embraced this place called home. Embraced Nate's warm hand holding mine. Letting everything I was worrying about go. True, it might not be the wisest thing to do, but I don't give a damn. This, this is what feels good. Tomorrow if I get my heartbroken, oh well, because today I have my happiness, and nothing can take that away from me.

And then my cell phone rang.

*Line*

"Way To Kill a Mood…"

By the time we got back to my building, I couldn't stop cracking up. The entire time we were out Nate's one and only mission was to make me laugh. Which, I really have to appreciate. It wasn't just one fake smile after another. This wasn't meant to be serious or life changing. Just fun. Just a fun day out with one another. That's all it was suppose to be. And that's exactly what I loved about it.

We both smiled at each other, me messing around with my spoon from ice cream, taking a final bite of it. All gone. Then I looked to see he still had half of his. It made me a little embarrassed. I couldn't help it though. Cherry ice cream is my favorite, and I haven't had it in so long. Plus, I mean, it's starting to get hot around here. That's my excuse for gulping it down if he asks.

Now, don't ask me, "Who called you Jenny? What did they want? Was it important? Why are you still with Nate, laughing and eating ice cream?" But since you're going to ask anyways, I might as well just answer them now. Who called? Chuck. Do I know what he wanted? No. Was the phone call important? No (well, I'm assuming, I never picked up). But whatever it is, it can wait. I wasn't going to let a call from Chuck ruin all my happiness from Nate. No way.

I mean, I do (kind of) care what Chuck has to say, but… I'm really happy right now. Here with Nate. And I really missed the way he made me smile, how he was never afraid to look me in the eye. No matter how much Chuck has changed, and no matter how much he made me think twice, Nate will always be Nate. So I should give it a shot, right?

"I had a really great time, Jenny." He charmingly smiled, holding up his almost empty ice cream bowl. I still can't get over the fact he took me to an ice cream parlor. When we got there he joked telling me I could only get two toppings. I mean, how adorable _is_ that?

As we looked at each other, I couldn't help but notice how perfectly white his teeth were. How absolutely pink his lips were. Picture perfect, as always. "Me too, I can't thank you enough for taking me out." And feeding me ice cream, I still haven't eaten anything today except for that. "You always know how to make me smile." Was that a stupid thing to admit?

Casually he shrugged it off, like it was no big deal. Maybe it really isn't a big deal, but it is to me. Especially since I don't really have any one else right now. "Kidding me? The fact you accepted to go out with me is thanks enough." There's no way he means that. "I don't think I really realized how much I missed you until I heard you were coming back… It was like; it just hit me I'd gone an entire year without seeing you. That's when I decided that was a year to long."

My mind started to race with a million thoughts. I had to decide if this was something I could believe, or if I was just fooling myself again. Or if Nate was just lying to steal my heart away again for no reason. How can I decide something like that right now? Nothing is making sense with Nate. I mean, for a second I think I know what's going on, but then I hear a suspicious phone call or he says something so out of the blue it's red.

Suddenly he started to speak again. "You know, I've always wanted to try chocolate and cherry ice cream together before." He smiled casually, looking down at his chocolate ice cream. "I bet it'd taste amazing." Then a smirk started to appear, and I had no idea where this was going.

I couldn't help but blush a little. He probably didn't notice the fact I just ate all of it. Now I feel _really_ embarrassed. Why did I have to be so damn hungry? "Uh, sorry… I kind of ate it all a second ago. But maybe next time?" I said with my weakest smile.

"I know you did." He said as our eyes got in a much more intense stare. When his eyes finally stopped staring into mine, and started to trail down to my lips, I kind of got the hint. Now all I had to decide was how to act on it.

And before I could even decide on what to do, his hand landed on my cheek. Carefully he started to lean in towards me. My eyes closed tightly, while my heart beat started to pound, and the butterflies started to flutter. This was all happening way to soon, way too fast, but I wasn't about to stop it. This was going to happen eventually, I decided. Why put it off?

But deep down I knew this wasn't right. At least, it wasn't the right time.

That's when I heard the last person I thought I'd hear at a moment like this. "Nate? Jenny? What's going on?" My dad's voice had a lot more concern then questioning in it, like he didn't care what the answer was, as long as it had nothing to do with Nate's tongue down my throat.

A sigh of relief barely escaped my lips, as I pulled my head away as fast as I could. Luckily I don't think either of them caught it. "Dad, Nate was just uh… Saying bye." I flashed him a knowingly look, basically yelling at him with my eyes to get the hell out of here.

"Oh yeah. I was just leaving." Nate took a few steps away from me. "It's always nice to see you Mr. Humphrey," he looked at me with a bit of guilt, "I'll talk to you later Jenny." And like that, Nate disappeared into the crowd walking on the street.

Before my dad even opened his mouth, I hugged him tight. I don't think I've ever been so happy to see him. Also, I never knew I'd be so happy to avoid a kiss from Nate. It just wasn't the right time. No matter how happy I am with this, taking things slow is the key. One of the biggest factors to Nate and I never working is we always rushed into it. Time to take things slow.

When I pulled away from my dad though, he didn't seem so pleased. "Jenny…" He trailed off, looking up the building to our apartment. "Come on, let's get inside to talk." Gently, he took my arm and started to drag me inside. So much for being daddies little girl this time around.

*Line*

"My Very Own Babysitter"

As soon as the elevator doors opened, the lecture began. "Jennifer! What are you thinking? You've been back in the city for not even 24 hours, and already you're letting Nate try and kiss you?" That concerned parent face that we all get at some point took over. "I'm really worried about you, and-" He stopped talking, his eyes catching the clock. Clearly he had some where to be. "Listen, I have to go. But this conversation is not over!"

Of course dad. This conversation never ends. "Ok. I'll probably be here when you get back." I couldn't help but grin. Would torturing him be so wrong? All parents need something to worry over. "You know, if I'm not out getting drunk with my fake ID or anything." I barely giggled while his face stayed the same. Shit…

The look on his face made it seem like he was about to cancel all his plans just to watch me. God I don't want a babysitter. That's when I heard Chuck's voice as he entered the hallway. "Don't worry Rufus; I'll keep an eye on her while you're. Craziest thing that'll happen while she's under my watch will be ordering the Twilight Saga on Paperview." He had to smirk as he said it.

Rufus turned to me, looking more concerned than ever. At first I didn't understand why he was so upset by Chuck saying that. But then I realize what he was probably thinking about. Not that I really forgot… "Don't worry, dad." I mouthed to him. I went in and hugged him, whispering so Chuck wouldn't hear, "I know better now. It'll be ok."

"Ok Chuck, I trust you." He was lying straight through his teeth. I don't know if that's a good thing I can tell when my dad's trying to sell his best BS or not. At least I know when he's lying to me then. Then again, sometimes it's best not to know. Without another word, but a lot of second glances at Chuck and me, he left the same way we came.

Chuck slowly started to make his way to me, giving me a very curious look. It made me wonder what exactly he heard. "So… You and Nate almost kissed?" That's when something happened. I have no clue what it was, but I saw it. Right before he grinned, he showed something. What the hell was that? What emotion is possibly trying to cover up with that smug grin? Grinning like he wanted to hear all the details about how I was going to get into Nate's bed.

I did _not_ want to go there, especially since I don't even know if I want to go there with Nate. I mean, I felt like I couldn't breath before Rufus saved me. Chuck wasn't about to be my love counselor. "Please tell me we're going to do something more exciting than watching Twilight. I am so over that vampire phase." Though I have to admit I like the idea of a guy loving one girl forever. It's a nice fairytale. It'll never happen for me, but maybe one day I will get a guy who will love me for more than a week of passion.

That's when he got a real grin, not one to cover up another emotion. "I know _just_ the place to go." His eyes trailed down me, observing my summer's dress. A soft smile just barely appeared on the side of his lips. "You might want to change into something a little more adult though…" With the way he spoke, I couldn't help but hear, "You look gorgeous, but not for the place we're going."

"Give me a minute." Quickly I darted back to my room to change into the hottest mess outfit I could find. Maybe a babysitter isn't the worst idea my dad ever had…

*Line*

A/N: Let me start by saying… Oh. My. F**king. God. It's been, like, over a MONTH since I updated this! And God am I sorry for that D: I knew going into this school year it'd be a lot harder, but I think I underestimated what was in store. I really hope I can be back now though. Things can only get better from here since I finally have the storyline all intact. Right now the next two chapters are pretty much set, all I need to do is type them up! Which, let's hope, will happen very quickly. I was thinking, trying to get an update once a week or two weeks? Sound fair? I love everyone for subbing/faving/review, you know the drill! Plus, I hope this wasn't a let down or anything! I wasn't going to have Chuck in it at first, but I really wanted some Chuck Bass soooo… Let's see where this goes x)


	6. Choices, Choices

Help. Seriously. H-E-L-P.

So, clearly I haven't posted in God knows FOREVER. And I'd like to say there's a "good reason", but there really can't be a good reason for, like, 2 months of no updates at _all_. Here's the situation: I have written over 5 pages for the next chapter. "YAY!" right? Wrong. The problem with these 5 pages, is I don't know if they exactly "flow". I mean, I could totally work with them to get to all the other points of this story I have in mind. The main, the most IMPORTANT problem is, I don't believe any part of it is very "Chuck", and I really don't want to get called out for him being OOC (out of character). Cause that happened before and I actually stopped writing the entire story... I don't take insults as seriously any more though. Anyways, back to the point.

My question would be:

Should I post these "eh" 5 pages, and just suffer with the crappiness?  
OR

Will you suffer with me for a week or so trying to figure out what to write instead? And rewrite the entire Part 6?  
The choice is yours. I put "Jar Of Hearts"'s "life" in your trust worthy hands :]


	7. What Did I Do With Chuck Tonight?

Part 6

"What Did I Do Tonight?"

My eyes opened up to a dimly lit room. It took me a moment to realize that it was _my_ room my hazy eyes were examining. I pulled myself up, out of the comforter I was gently tucked into. What was I doing in bed? Since when did I get here? Was my night with Chuck so wild I can't even remember what happened?

Slowly I put my bare feet on the cold floor, making me shiver a bit. I was about to head out my door when my mirror caught my attention, or should I say, what I was _wearing_ caught my attention. No, it's not some breath taking dress. Nor my dad's old shirt I use for pajamas. Oh no, instead, here I stand with nothing but my red lace bra and underwear on.

A short, high pitched scream escaped my lips for about half a second. Then I took a deep breath, attempting to calm myself down. Without even thinking I grabbed my robe and headed out. Chuck had to be here, and whether he liked it or not he was going to tell me what the hell happened.

All the lights were out in the apartment, the only source of light (besides the moon shinning through the open windows), was the fire place. Right next to that fire place was Chuck, leaning against the wall. He was just there, not even drinking. And suddenly I didn't feel like yelling so much.

"Chuck?" I said quietly, staring to approach him. His eyes came off the fire place, and onto me. The way he was staring made me wonder if he had seen me in my underwear, or maybe more (or should I say, saw _less_). "What, uh... happened?"

"You mean tonight?" A grin started to appear as I nodded my head yes. Already I could tell he was going to enjoy reciting this back to me. "Well, after getting completely drunk off your ass, and dancing like a stripper, I decided it would be best to come home. When we got in the limo you fell on me, and when I help you up, you kissed me..."

My jaw dropped. This couldn't be happening. No, this _wasn't_ happening. "You pushed me off right?" I took two steps closer to him, determined to get an answer. I think I might die if I don't get one. "I mean, you said yourself I was drunk off my ass!" The pace of my breathing started to speed up.

This look of guilt washed over his face. He scratched the back of his head, a sign that he knew I wasn't going to like what I was going to hear. "The thing is, I didn't notice you were that drunk at the time. So when we got back here, it was just instinct to go to your room." An evil grin came to his face. He had more to say, I could tell. "As you can tell by the sexy red lace you woke up in, we got very close. But, sadly, you passed out during foreplay."

"You're kidding me right? You are fucking kidding me!" It wasn't even a question, it was a demand. There was no way I was going to let this be the truth. There was no way this could have happened. Just, no. No. No. No!

As calm as he ever was, Chuck started walking towards me. His eyes looking me over, as if he was trying to see through my robe. Then a small smile broke when he reached about 12 inches away from me. It felt so far, yet he was right there. I could practically feel his warm breath. And as weird as it is, it kind of... Nice.

"Yes, Jenny." He shook his head, "I _am_ kidding you. You fell asleep on your bed as you were changing." His eyes were soft when they met mine. It was weird how even with my rage rushing only moments ago, he wasn't (he isn't) afraid to get closer and closer.

Relief rushed over me. Of course! I remember laying down really quick, half way through changing because I was so worn out from the train ride, the no sleep, and walking every where with Nate. My eyes only closed for a second. It just all felt so good, with a cool room, the most amazing comforter ever, and not having any chocking clothes on, it was impossible to not drift off.

Still, that doesn't explain how I got tucked in, how my lights were set on dim and not bright like they were before. Maybe my dad came home and tucked me in. I can imagine that. Rufus would probably be taken back by my made-for-"action" lingerie. But wait. How did Chuck know about it? About what I was wearing.

"I didn't have the heart to wake you up." Chuck actually sounded like he cared. Like it really would hurt his heart to wake me. I don't know how that's possible, how it's possible for him to care for me, but he sounded exactly that way. "So I just tucked you in. I, uh, didn't want you to get cold. I hope that's ok..." His words trailed off unsure of his actions. They were the right actions though, I can't help but admit.

Without thinking about it twice, just letting my anger go, I lightly wrapped my arms around him. I took a deep breath, taking in his natural smell. Then I backed up and hit him in the arm as hard as I could. "Jackass! Don't ever pull something like that again." I rolled my eyes, it was insane that I even thought for a second something like that could have happened. Even when drunk, I know I've learned my lesson.

When I stopped rolling my eyes, and looked back into his, it was like he was in shock. His mouth was just barely open, his eyes wide. Pathetic as it is, after a moment I realized he was in shock from my hug. Because honestly, when have _we_ ever _hugged_? All I could do was smile apologetically as he stared at me, his eyes still wide open.

"I'm, uh, sorry... That was stupid." I turned around to leave, not liking this awkwardness I caused. There's some types of attention I can live without. This shock attention is one type. But before I could leave I felt his hand take my arm. I turned around to see him hiding some emotion like happiness.

"You know, it's only nine. Do you still want to go out?" Chuck looked to the elevator, as if he desperately was wanting to go out. He looked back at me with that same desperate stare. That stare slowly tore a hole in me. It was just so... Sad.

Why am I stressing about his stare? It's not really my problem. Besides, he just asked me out with him. Well, not out, out. You know what I mean. You know what he means. Lets not make this complicated.

I gently smiled at him, trying my best to not look like was thinking of a million things. Especially when half of that million was about him. "Sure." My voice was uneven while I continued to try and get my mind back on track. Whenever a thought of Chuck left though, a thought a thought of Nate took over. How could I possibly hide the confusion on my face? Fuck my mind.

I turned around to walk, to actually get dressed this time, but then I stopped myself. I turned back around to face Chuck. This was going to be stupid, I knew it. "Nate _did_ try to kiss me. And I thought I wanted him too, but I don't know anymore. True I spent all day talking to him, it's just... I don't think I know him." All the words came rushing out like a waterfall.

"And...?" Chuck trailed off, waiting for more.

"And so I was wondering, since you guys are best friends, if you could maybe, sorta talk to him? To see if he really is into me this time." I felt childish, asking Chuck to be like my little fly on the wall. This is the kind of thing you do when you're eight and you don't know how your crush feels about you. You're to afraid to get your heartbroken face to face, so you use the mutual friend to do the dirty work.

Chuck slightly nodded once, not even looking at me. Maybe he wasn't the mutual friend. Maybe he was just mutual. Was this to much to ask from him? After everything we had all been though, asking Nate something like that out of the blue probably isn't the easiest thing. And I don't want to pressure Chuck, or abuse this some what 'friendship' we now have.

But then again, he could always just say no.

"I'll go get ready." No other words felt necessary as I left the room. Tonight I would dress up hot, go out and party with Chuck, but come tomorrow... Tomorrow I will be the perfect, pleasant, sweet Jenny that started to win Nate's heart four years ago.

*Line*

"I Swear I Know This Place..."

Chuck got out of the limo before me, looking around at the crowd outside. He looked back at me, offering his hand. I took his hand, carefully I exited the limo, not wanting to pull a Brittney Spears. The dress I chose? Probably a little _to_ short. I couldn't help myself though, if this was my last night of being crazy, I might as well go all the way out. It did make the ride over here awkward; I think it's just Chuck's natural instinct to checkout a girl in a short dress. Still...

As we got closer, the entire line quieted down, stopping the bustling rush to get to the front. Instead all the people stopped, and stared at us. No one spoke. We took a step closer. A couple of girls leaned in and started to whisper. We got five feet away. Everyone began to stare and talk. I heard my name, then Chuck's name, then both out names. Soon I couldn't even hear what they were saying any more. It was all over whelming. Is this how famous people felt? Eyes staring at them, only being able to guess all the things they were whispering.

When we got to the bouncer, all the voices stopped once again. Were they... Yes they were. They were ease dropping, wanting to hear what Chuck or I would say. Luckily Chuck said nothing to the bouncer, and the bouncer said nothing to Chuck. The bouncer just nodded his head at Chuck, letting us in. Well Chuck Bass, you sure do have your way into everything.

The club, whatever this place was, was booming. People were everywhere, drinking, talking, dancing, being completely stupid while intoxicated, you know, normal club activities. If the music and moving people didn't make it hard enough to get around, the lights were dim making it nearly impossible to see the next ten feet in front of you unless you really concentrated. Not to turn back into the shy, Freshman Jenny, I was nervous to be here.

That's when I felt Chuck's warm hand on my bare back. My head instantly turned around as a reflex. All I saw was Chuck continuing to lead me forward. He wasn't scared. He wasn't nervous. He was just as relaxed as ever. I looked back forward with a long breath, trying to be as calm as him. Then I heard his voice in my ear, "It's ok. You've got me." I got him. Right.

I was so concentrated on getting to the front of wherever this place was, I accidentally ran into someone. My cheeks started to burn with embarrassment. Just got back to New York, and already I was being the klutzy, shy Jenny from before. "I'm so sorry! I didn't see you."

The girl turned around with a half split drink in her hand, eyes glaring straight at me. Until this point I never knew how scary drunk, early twenty, brunettes were. "What the fuck man? You just spilled half my-" Right in the middle of her I'm-going-to-kill-you rant, she stopped. My fear grew more as her glare died down. "Wait... Oh my God are you Jenny Humphrey?" The girl shouted astonished with a drunken slur.

Oh shit.

My eyes started to scatter around nervously. This random stranger knew who I was just by a glance in a club. That worries me. Once again she shouted, "Jessica! It's Jenny Humphrey!" Her friend came rushing over, her eyes just as blood shot. They exchanged glances with excitement.

My voice was quiet as I attempted to talk her out of announcing my arrival. "Um, yes, I _am_ Jenny, but could you maybe-" What would be a nice way to put it? 'Shut the hell up' seems to rude. "Not yell it to everyone?"

Her mouth opened wide. I cringed, waiting for her to yell my name. At times like this I regret going to that party four years ago. I regret being Blair's minion.. Everything I could have done right, but ended up doing so wrong that now I'm on Gossip Girl's most wanted list. Then again, the day they got a "Jenny Finder" I knew I was screwed.

Before Ms. Tipsy could yell out her mouth again, Chuck stepped in front of me. Heard him whisper-yelled at her now sobering face. "I'll make you a deal," his voice got angrier. "You stop yelling her name, and I won't kick you out of here." I could only imagine the look on his face.

For a moment I was taken over by the threat. Not that this is, like, a Kodak Moment or anything. But the way that Chuck was _choosing_ to help me. Four years ago I wouldn't have ever pictured this moment. Hell two months ago I wouldn't be able to imagine this. It was good though, and I'm surprisingly-

"Shit! You're Chuck Bass!" Tipsy shouted even louder then 'Jenny Humphrey'. I really wanted to thank her for stating the obvious, but interacting with her more seemed like a bad idea, so I just kept my mouth shut.

All Chuck did was signal a guy. The guy looked at Chuck, then at the drunken mess. He looked back at Chuck one more time before taking her by the arm. "Excuse me miss, I need to escort you out." And like that she was being turned around to leave.

Suddenly Chuck took my hand, making warmth once again rush through my body. We started walking to the front of this, what I am still assuming, club. When we got to the front though, I realized this was no club. Rewind four years. Back to the tortured year of Chuck and Blair. Go back to the Burlesque Club.

"No way." I muttered out in amazement. This place was even more incredible then how I heard it was. With a smile of, well, pure shock, I stepped next to him. "I thought you sold this place, to help Nate or whatever." God I'm starstruck.

I looked over to him, just to catch him staring at me. Yet when I caught him, he didn't turn away with embarrassment. Instead he kept on staring at me, barely even blinking. And then I realized, I couldn't look away either.

You know when there's so much tension you don't know whether to laugh or smile? Well that's what happened. A small giggle with a big smile couldn't help but appear. As soon as mine started to show, so did his. So here we are, two young adults in a burlesque club, staring at each other on the verge of laughing. Another moment I would never imagine happening.

Then before I could even blink, he looked away to the stage. He tried to hide his nervous laugh. "I'm sor-" It was as if he was about to apologize, but he stopped. "I like this place. So why the hell not? I have the money." Hell the Chuck Bass I know. Money gets you everything.

I won't lie, my heart sank a little. That's fine. I'll just smile and stare politely right on through (at the girls). It made me think, is it rude to just stare at these girls? That _is_ what people pay to do, stare at them. Still, it feels weird. Watching these girls move so smoothly, like all they wanted to do was dance in such a seducing way.

I felt like we were back in the fifties or something. A simpler time. A time where five bucks was a fortune. Love was made in a cabaret bar. Maybe women didn't get all the respect they deserved, but they had a way of being sexy with class. "It's like a fantasy world." My voice said in complete disbelief.

A fantasy world for girls and guys to stare at high class strippers, but a fantasy world none the less. The girl on the center of the stage dropped her dress, turning her head mischievously to the crowd with an unforgettable grin. What a grin.

But when I looked back to Chuck... Burning red, with a tear on the corner, his eyes stared up at her. My smirk of amazement went away, no longer feeling like laughing. I gently skimmed my hand against his. It got his attention. He looked back at me. I didn't even know what to say.

"Brings back memories," he shouted over the music. Did he always get so sappy being here? Or was tonight special? By the way his came out, I got the feeling this wasn't how an average night at the club was like.

Still...

Out of nowhere he took my and pulled my close. We started to move. "Let's dance." Was all he said

"Sure." Was all I replied back.

*Line*

"You'll Always Just Be 'Chuck Bass', Won't You?"

The limo was playing quiet music as we drove back to the apartment. Tonight was all so weird. The talking. The dancing. Everything about Chuck was different, in a strange, sweet way. It made me wonder if he had normally became this way, or if this was just a side no one knew of.

I heard a vibration, then a musical chime. Both of us instantly reached for our phones. I sighed, while nerves started to rush. It was Gossip Girl, and already I saw a photo of Chuck and I. Quietly I started to it to myself.

_What's this? Chuck and Jenny dancing close at the newly re-bought Burlesque Club. Oh Chuck, haven't you learned from last time? And Jenny, darling, I think we all expected better from you. Has a banished year in Hudson taught you anything? Two days back and already playing with fire. But that's ok, I love watching explosions._

_Oh, and thanks Jessica for the photo. Sorry your friend got kicked out. Royalty is SO over protective... Keep me posted!_

I rolled my eyes as I looked away from my phone. "Can you believ-" Right as I looked over at Chuck, he leaned in to me. His eyes shut tight, mine wide open, he got me on the lips. With all my strength I pushed him off. "What the fuck are you doing?"

He lunged at me again, getting half of my lips. I pushed him off again. Chuck didn't give up, he took one of my hands and tried to get me again. Did he not understand a push meant "no"? Finally I just slapped him right across the face. That was pretty much a world sign of "Back the fuck up". I think he got it that time.

"Are you crazy?" I couldn't quite control my anger. Last time I just went along with his kiss, and didn't slap him, I lost my virginity. Things could only go down hill from here. Right as I was about to say more, the limo stopped in front of the apartment. "To think I actually thought you changed." That was stupid on my behalf. I won't lie.

With a burning sensation in my body, I fiercely opened the car door to the cold New York air. Even that couldn't cool me down. I looked down to his barely drunken self in the car. "Don't speak to me." And with that I slammed the door in his face. That face that knew exactly what it was doing when it went for my lips.

I don't know why he decided to do what he did. I don't know what was going through his mind when he did it. But honestly? I wasn't about to wait around and ask those stupid questions. I should know the answers by now. He's Chuck Bass. No matter how electrifying his eyes were when he picked me up at the station. No matter how sweet his words were as he spoke to me. No matter how much I think he's changed. He's Chuck Bass. And he'll always be Chuck Bass.

So I'll say goodnight on this note. Crawling into my cold bed, with those freaking dimmed lights. Tonight I'll fall asleep (that is, if I can even sleep) with the feeling of Chuck on my lips. I'll be up wondering how the night could have ended differently. Most importantly, I'll be waiting for tomorrow, to see what life, New York, has in store for me. Because at this point I can't even tell you up from down.

Goodnight Chuck Bass, you bastard.

*Line*

A/N: So, yes. This is the dreaded chapter I couldn't decide whether or not to rewrite or post. Finally I was just like "Screw it. We can deal with this." It's not dreadfully OOC, but it's not really dead on either. But like an amazing person said "I love it when characters are OOC. That's what fanfiction is". Plus I totally know how to write off of this! :D And, who said Chuck doesn't have a reason acting the way he is? Everyone has a reason. Well, usually... ANYWAYS! Happy New Years People! Lets hope 2011 is amazing!  
Now that this headache of a chapter is over, I'll be sure to be getting these out wayyy faster.


	8. Continuation?

Continuation?

To start, does anyone still care?

If yes, continue to read.

If no, this won't concern you.

Hey guys... So it has literally been forever since I wrote for this. Honestly I don't even know why I stopped, probably some family disaster or something like that. Anyways, I don't want to focus on that. Just, I checked my email the other day and realized some started following this, which shocked me a bit. I started reading the story again and I started to remember everything. I finished reading all 7 chapters and it got me thinking... I actually love this story. I love how I wrote Jenny. I love Chuck. I love the plot. I love all of it.

Pretty much I was wondering if anyone wanted me to continue writing? Because I have no problem to start writing again. I know it's been a really long time, but if anyone one is up for it... So am I.

Do you think this story at least deserves an ending?


	9. Call Me Little J One More Time

PART 7

"Call Me Little J One More Time, And You're Dead"

Today I woke up refreshed, like I actually got some sleep for a change. Though I'll admit I did have a nightmare, but I won't get into that. Well maybe I will. Or I won't. I mean, it's just a dream gone bad right? Why make a fuss out of what happened in my sleep.

As I made my way to the kitchen, I could smell the waffles. Turning into the kitchen I expected to see my dad, Lily by his side, making waffles as always. Instead there was a different, much stranger sight. There was Dan, making waffles in a wrinkle free, collared shirt. Blair standing by him, smiling as she went looking back and forth between Dan and Erik. And I honestly have no idea what Erik was doing, he was staring down at some book, talking to himself.

Carefully I approached them, afraid to mess up this alternate universe I was entering. When Dan saw me he smiled, opening the waffle maker. "Just in time sleepy head." It was freaking 8am on a Sunday. What time did he expect me to wake up?

"Thanks." Was all I said as the waffles were slid onto a plate that he handed to me. I took a seat next to Erik, and took a look at the book he was murmuring out the words to. It was in French. Totally passed that class with a B. "Preparing for finals or something?"

His eyes ran across a line one more time before looking up. He gave me one of those Erik smiles, and looked over to Blair, "Yeah. With three weeks of school left I really have to study up. Blair's helping me." Oh how sweet. I wonder what she's getting in return.

Slowly I started to flood my waffles with syrup, waiting for someone to say something. Oh no. The room went almost completely quiet. Only the sound of me cutting my waffles, Erik mumbling to himself, and what were Dan and Blair even doing? They would glance at each other, Dan tried to keep a straight face, then Blair would look over what Erik was reading as if she was paying attention. It was like they had an inside joke going. If they do, they're not very good at hiding it. They probably didn't think I was watching them either.

God this is weird.

It was awkward eating with all the silence. Like my chewing was super loud. I finished as fast as I could, desperate to escape this kitchen, this alternate universe. My dishes made a crashing noise, no one turned around. Is it just me, or is everyone acting really odd? That's when the elevator doors opened. Aah normalness.

"Hey," Serena let out coldly, letting the smile she gave to Erik and Dan drop as she laid eyes on Blair and I. "Where's Chuck?" She said while smirking at me. If there was a line, she just crossed it. Though I feel like there's no line at this point. It's all fair game.

Suddenly Dan stopped what he was doing, deciding to acknowledge the world outside his and Blair's little joke. Concerned he turned to me, "Why would Chuck be here, Jen?" Great. Fucking great. Now I'd have to explain what did, and did _not_, happen. Thanks Serena.

With a tiny shrug I looked as innocent as possible. Everyone had forgiven Chuck. We've all moved on. Well, as much as Dan and Rufus would allow themselves to forgive. "We went out to the burlesque club, that's all. Someone took a stupid photo of us and sent it to Gossip Girl." Dan's eyes laid on me curiously, not believing the words flowing out of my lips. "Seriously, Dan."

No one spoke. Erik cleared his throat, continuing to read his book. I caught him glancing up at everyone. I don't blame him for hiding. If I could pretend I wasn't there, I would. But no, I'm the target. Wouldn't matter if I had the bible in front of me. Serena had me in her aim, and I was going to get hit.

Without another word I walked away from the sink, starting to head back to my room. That's when I heard footsteps following me. I turned around to see Serena right behind me. Ugh. "Can I help you?" attempting-to-destroy-my-life-bitch.

"You spend all day with Nate, then party all night with Chuck? I think you're biting more off then you can chew, Little J." Her voice had that perfect hint of bitchiness. I'm sorry, she's just really ticking me off. "I may not be on the best of terms with Blair, but going after Chuck will definitely bring her to my side, not yours. You just got back. You're still just... Little J."

I think she knew that drove me insane, calling me Little J. Each time she said it I clenched my fists a bit tighter. That name was dead and gone, just like the Jenny that went with it. I wasn't some scared little girl who wanted to be the queen. And I'm not that backstabbing, manipulating Jenny from last year either. I'm Jenny. No matter how weird that is.

With a polite little smile I took a step closer to her, my voice low so they couldn't hear in the kitchen, "Call me Little J one more time, and you're dead." As I said it her face, only for a second, showed fear. Quickly she got it back to her evil glare, trying to pretend like it didn't phase her. Hey, I'm kind of proud I even got the glimpse of fear. Me, scary again, it was kind of nice.

Over Serena's shoulder, I saw Blair start to approach. Oh hell no. I'm just not going to deal with this. No matter how nice Blair is being to me. This spelled trouble. Almost instantly I turned around and continued to walk to my room. I could hear Blair come to a stop as she reached Serena, which made my feet stop as well.

Sadly I only made it to my doorway before turning around to see why Blair had followed. Unless she needed me, I would watch from afar. Those two being right next to each other still scared me a little. Solely based on the fact you really never knew what either of them would say or do.

The farther the better.

With a slight, fake smile, Blair began to speak, "Do we have a problem here?" Her voice was full of fake joy, looking back at me before turning to Serena. Why did she have this look of... Concern (was that it?) in her eyes when she looked at me? Like she actually cared. That was too weird.

Now, I know it's probably a good thing Blair is on my side for all of this; I still find it strange. Picking me up was awkward, but the type of awkward I could deal with or understand. Here she is now though, at my home, in the morning, tutoring my stepbrother, acting all best friend-y with my brother, and now sticking up for me for the second time to Serena. This really was some alternate universe I stepped into. And I'm still deciding if I like it or not...

For a moment Serena was silent, which was a real treat for my ears. Usually that girl can not shut up. Finally after a moment of nothing but fake smiles and attempts not to glare, she spoke. "I was just talking to Jen about the latest gossip blast." That was when Blair's threat from the other day must have came to mind, because a nice smile suddenly appeared as she straightened her posture. "Warning her not to do anything stupid with Chuck..." Well that was a load of bullshit. She was about to claw my eyes out.

Awkwardly I cleared my throat, making my way closer to the two. Really I should have stayed hidden under my door way, but I couldn't help but feel like explaining a little. Last thing I wanted was Blair to think I wanted Chuck. That could cause some issues. "Blair, I don't like Chuck. We just went out as friends and honestly I don't even-" that was when I got cut off by Blair putting her hand up to stop me.

Once I saw her hand, I realized how screwed I was. She was going to tear me up now, join Serena's side again. That so called "we" she made up would lose its existence in three... two... And Blair snapped, just not how I thought she would.

"How many times do I have to tell people?" Blair sighed out angrily, her eyes widening like we were idiots who didn't get it. Which I guess we were... "Chuck and I are over, he's not my property. And honestly?" The smallest sigh came out of her lips, as if she didn't want anyone to actually here it. "I don't want him as my property. At all or ever again." Like that she turned around and started for the elevator.

So I knew Chuck would be a tough topic for her, but not in this way. Instead of telling me to stay away from him, she pretty much said he could be anybodies.. Instead of avoiding the question, she straight up said she was done. What shocked me the most, instead of fighting over it, she walked away.

Maybe Blair has really changed. Maybe I'm not crazy. Maybe I'm over analyzing everything. Maybe I just need more time to get use to New York.

Or maybe I was right about everything being off. Because the second Blair reached that elevator, I watched Dan chase after her, grabbing her hand even so she wouldn't go inside it. Dan had no luck though as she pulled her hand away. Instead she entered the elevator, looking away from my brother's desperate stare. Right before the doors shut, he hopped in too.

I was so consumed in watching, well, whatever that was, I forgot Serena was still in front of me. Suddenly she seemed even less important then usual. I decided to not waste any more time on her. All she was doing was bitching me out on a lost cause no one cared about. Without a word I turned my back to her and walked into my room, shutting the door and locking it. At that moment I felt sort of stupid, why hadn't I done that earlier?

Note to self: Walk away. It's simple.

*Line*

"What Are You Doing Nate Archibald?"

For hours I locked myself in my room, trying to avoid Serena as long as possible. Not like there was much for me to do anyways. Erik was busy with school. Dan was busy with Blair (that still doesn't make sense to me). Nate hadn't called or texted me since our awkward goodbye. The one person I could hangout with without caring was, surprisingly, Chuck. Except I had no intentions to talk to him after last night.

It wasn't until I brought myself up from laying down that I looked at the clock. Whoa. For the past two hours I had literally laid it bed, making shapes and animals out of the rigids in the ceiling. It was about time I got up and moved around some, even if it was just walking in circles. Once my feet hit the floor though, I felt lightheaded. All my blood started to rushed back into my head.

While I was regaining my balance I heard a door shut. Maybe it was due to the lack of blood my brain had; I decided to step out of my room and take a peek. Slowly I made my way out towards the livingroom, scratching the back of my head with a yawn. Not doing a damn thing was exhausting. As I stretched my arms, showing off my belly, I saw who it was. At first I felt like gasping, seeing him when I looked so terrible, but my gasp of embarrasment was beaten by my curiousity to what was going on.

There was Nate, sitting on the couch, leaning over at what appeared to be my purse. _The fuck..._, was my first thought that went flying through my mind. Not everything is what it appears to be though, so I quietly walked over behind him. For a moment I breathed slowly, looking over his shoulder to see what he was doing. His hands were pushing past the makeup, lipgloss, random change, that kind of stuff. What really caught my attention was what he stopped to look at: old reciepts, business cards, and my wallet. That was when I hit my limit.

Very quietly I took a couple steps back, until I reached the hallway. After taking a deep breath I took a step forward, clearing my throat oh so casually. Then I put on my fake surprised face. Here I go, "Nate? Is that you?" My voice sounded so innocent and genuienly shocked, hopefully it wasn't too over done. Though I knew the sound of my curiousity really got through, because that _was_ real.

Like he got poked in the side, Nate flinched and practically jumped off the couch. He had the most confused look on his face. Was it really that shocking I caught him? This was my house afterall. Except by the way it looked right now, no one was around. Which sort of made this whole situation a lot wierder...

"There you are!" He let out a not-so-charming chuckle to go along with his not-so-convincing voice. Never had I seen him like this, so off his game. Sort of a side that never caught my eye. Still, he continued this pathetic attempt of an excuse, "I came up here to look for you. We have to talk."

Hell yeah we need to talk.

Politely I smiled, "We do? What's up?" I would be polite and allow him to go first, just to hear what he had to say. Though nothing could explain or jusify him searching through my purse. Really this would be fun to hear.

Nate's compsure slowly came back to him as he straightened up and put on a real smile. He made his way around the couch, over to the side I was standing. After a short breath he started to speak, "I know about that post with Chuck on Gossip Girl..." He trailed off, as if for a dramatic pause or something, except it didn't phase me. I just wanted to hear this. "And I know it meant nothing. Chuck talked to me this morning, about everything. Like the post, and that other thing you asked him to talk to me about."

That took me back for a second. The funny thing was, it wasn't the fact Nate was okay with the Chuck thing and still wanted to come over and try to be with me. What shocked me, which made this little tiny smile form, was the fact Chuck actually talked to Nate for me. Even after I slapped him, called him crazy, and practically said he could never change, he still talked to Nate for me (which I'm not sure I even wanted any more). That made me re-think what I said last night...

I must of looked like an idiot, standing there thinking about Chuck. It was kind of funny, here I was standing right next to Nate, who wanted to go out with me it sounded like, yet my mind would rather ponder about Chuck. Those thoughts slowly faded out, and I snapped back into reality.

The fact he wanted me, and only me, wasn't the number one thing on my mind. Wondering why he was looking through my _purse_, was going through my head. I wouldn't let him get away with that, "That's great but... What were you doing going through my purse?" Obviously he was looking for something, but I had no idea what that might be.

Almost in seconds his face flashed emotions of shock, confusion, and then sudden happiness. A charming smile spread across his lovely pink lips before he chuckled, shaking his head like he was in on something I wasn't. That was when he pulled a folded piece of paper out of his pocket, handing it over to me. "I was trying to find a good place to hide this note so you'll find it."

Suspiciously I took the note, not sure what to suspect as I unfolded it. It was his boyish hand writing in which he scribbled down, "You are the only girl I see. The only girl I want to see. I know we've had trouble in the past, but I want to do it right this time. Give me a chance and I promise you won't regret it. Call me. - Nate." By the time I got to the end my stomach was full of butterflies.

With a grin I looked back up at him. He really wrote that for me? It made me feel like I did back when he came to the fashion show for me. Naive Jenny was coming back, because when I finished reading that note I once again forgot everything else. My arms went around his neck, resting my head on his broad shoulder. Man it felt ncie...

Guess I would have to thank Chuck for this, whenever I saw him next. In the back of my head I knew this was probably a stupid idea. New Jenny would take this risk though, she didn't have much to lose. Plus Nate was hard to resist with that smile, that laugh, the way he signed his name. He was too alluring to me to say no; he knew all that. For now he won, and I was in no place to argue.

Besides, it wasn't like anyone else in this city wanted me...

*Line*

A/N: So I pretty much realized this was the work ever to tell you guys I would start writing again... lol I had rehearsal everyday after school, shows from 6pm-10pm, last minute prom shopping, I got a job interview, saying bye to brother before he left for some Air Force training, Mother's Day, not to mention the normal homework lode as well. I pretty much wrote this during random hours or half hours between all the craziness. If it's a little rough I apologize. Still I hope you like it and now that all that shit is taken care of I should have more free time to _actually_ write.

Please tell me what you think of this chapter! It's about to get complicated and I'm really excited for it. Cause in New York nothing is ever as it seems~


	10. You Won't See This Coming

Part 8

A/N: Honestly, if you hate this and think it's to off character and blah blah blah, I get it. But I worked really hard on this, and I actually love the way it turned out. So if you hate it, sorry you hate it. If you love it, then yay, we both win. All I'm gunna say.

"Something Is Off"

After another long day with Nate we finally reached my apartment. Right before we went inside through Nate's phone went off... Again. Through our entire time together he kept getting texts, which he _always_ had to check. He even left to take a phone call. I mean, I don't want to be a naggy girlfriend (or whatever I am), but isn't it rude in general? No matter who you're with.

Patiently I just stood there, waiting him to finish texting. For our first real date out, this sucked. It was like he wasn't even going to try and impress anymore now that he got me. Sure, you threw out a line and you hooked me, that doesn't mean you're allowed to act like you have to stop riling me in. Because believe it or not, I'm not even close to being caught.

Finally his fingers stopped hitting his iPhone at twenty miles per hour. At least he was trying to be fast about it? Got to be positive somehow. He took a step closer to me, placing his hand on the door handle. "Should we head up? Have a better ending then last time." Charmingly he winked at me, except it did nothing. No suddenly fast heartbeat or getting weak in the knees. Instead I stood there.

After much negotiation in my head, deciding whether or not to give him more of a chance, I decided. "You know I'm actually really tired. Maybe it is best if we just stop here." I said in my sweetest voice, though it probably sounded a bit fake. Being around him I felt unappreciated. Sort of like he could be anywhere else and it didn't matter.

Or he could be with whoever he was texting so much. Clearly they meant more than me.

His warm hands took mine, but it didn't feel comforting. Instead it felt bothersome, like my hands were going to get all warm and sweaty. His dashing blue eyes caught my shy ones, that were desperately trying to stare down. That's when he gave a little pull that brought my body closer to his, which made my breathing slow down.

We were coming to that moment again where he was going to kiss me; I could feel it. Closing my eyes I wished my dad would pop up again, interrupting us. As much as my lips were craving him, everything else in my body was shouting no. Today he was a douche who was only focusing on whoever was on the other line that he was texting, not concentrating on me. No matter how badly I wanted him earlier, he doesn't deserve me now.

What do I do? My eyes were already shut. My hands were slightly shaking in his. My heart was going a million miles per hour. All the sound around me started to blur out. I was going to kiss him, wasn't I? Whether he deserved it or not I was going to. There was no avoiding that. Fucking Nate Archibald, I swear to god if you were anyone else.

Seconds felt like hours until there was finally contact. His soft (almost girly soft) lips hit mine, just staying there as my lips forgot how to function. Instead of opening my mouth I just kept it shut. He might of stolen a kiss, but he wasn't about to get the good stuff. So I gave him a short, strictly lips only kiss. Like it was your first ever kiss and you had no clue what tongue was.

As I pulled away I took a deep breath, because he just stole some of mine. Yes, I am still extremely pissed at him for everything. And yes, my heart is no longer craving his love. But damn... That boy knows how to kiss. Even with lips sealed.

"I'll um... See you later." With that I twirled around and hurried inside the building. I'm mad at him, totally mad at him, but my face was glowing. I could even feel my cheeks go a little pink. For so long I hadn't been kissed like that, with some passion. Not a drunk Chuck Bass going for my lips without giving a shit about my feelings. I was pissed at Nate for the worst first date ever, but he still made me happy. Especially when he did that thing with his lips.

The elevator was empty as I got in. I waited for the doors to shut before geeking out. Excitedly I jumped up and down, twirling in a circle. After that I even did a victory dance of fist pumping the air. Trust me when I say I looked like the biggest idiot alive. I totally loved it though. Nothing made me this happy lately.

Minus when I was with Chuck at the station. Or at the house. Or at the club. Or in his limo. Or when he kissed me...

As the doors opened I stopped spazzing out and calmed myself. I had no clue who was home, and I really didn't want to explain my happiness. Calmly I made my way to the living room, no one was there. Well fine, I would just hate to my room. Have some alone time to decide what to do about Nate and his rude behavior. Maybe I should have a talk with him, make sure he knows I'm not that easy like I use to be. He needs to act like he could lose me any second, because he could.

My smile slowly faded when I saw Chuck's light on. Should I go in? Might as well thank him for the whole talking to Nate thing, even though it sort of sucks right now (despite the kiss). We were both young adults. I could handle this. He could handle this. No pressure.

Quietly I approached his open door, nervous about confronting him. Not like anything could go wrong. No matter how it was between us last time, we could still talk about this. It was a simple thank you. Even children could do that peacefully. And though I won't always admit it out loud, Chuck was a nice guy and he, in a weird way, cared about me.

"Boo." I whispered ever so quietly in a playful manner as I stepped into his room. I must have been oh so terrifying with my frightening boo. Standing there with my hands behind my back, looking innocent and harmless as can be. I'm not sure why, but whenever I got around him I felt like returning to my old, shy self. After a while my outgoing self would kick in; for now I was nervous and quiet.

Chuck closed his book, setting it down on his bedside table. He rolled up his sleeves before pulling himself up in bed; showing off his toned arms (had he been working out?). I heard him clear his throat as he looked me in the eyes, "You're so scary, Jenny." The sarcasm just rolled off his tongue with a quick eye roll. Oddly enough that was followed with a slight, almost unnoticeable, smile.

Rolling my own eyes I made my way to his bed, taking a seat by his feet. My eyes glanced from his face to his feet. Even when he was casual he seemed dressed up. From head to toe. Everything from a nice collared shirt to fancy socks. If anyone had style it was Chuck. Though I wondered if he ever took a break from always trying to impress everyone. Not that I minded looking at him...

Trying to break some tension I poked his foot. Which I felt stupid about doing right after I did it. I closed my eyes tight, shaking my head. Stay focused Jenny, don't get caught up in that smile. "I, um, just wanted to thank you for the Nate thing. Especially after, you know, I slapped you." Nervously I laughed, getting the strength to look him in the eyes. It was a nice change to see brown eyes instead of blue ones. "He took me out today and I have to thank you for that."

At that moment complete silence fell across the room. It was sudden, out of nowhere. No one spoke or moved to break the tension. Instead our eyes were locked and our lips were closed. What was going on exactly? Was it something I said? I couldn't tell. So I stayed silent, looking at him, waiting for him to speak or something.

Slowly he moved his body next to mine. I couldn't help but notice his hand was less than an inch away from mine. If he scooted a _little_ closer it would be on top of mine. But that was just something I noticed. His head titled in, almost like he was going to kiss me; all I did was take a deep breath, keeping an eye on his lips.

After another long pause his lips began to open, his words following right after. "It was a bad idea for me to talk to Nate for you. At the time I honestly didn't care, you know, because you slapped me and everything." His face had a hint of regret, like he knew that was his fault. Though I guess I can see why he would be upset with me for smacking him. "But I think he's up to something." Those words sounded so weird coming out of his mouth.

Hearing that instantly made me laugh. Just laugh. The king of con-artists was telling me Nate was up to something? That had to be a joke. Not to be rude, but Nate probably couldn't even think up some complex plot that would make even Chuck concerned. Wait... Why the hell was Chuck even concerned?

"What could Nate be up to that made you grow a conscious?" I laughed, leaning in a little myself, just to make the moment a little more intense. It couldn't hurt (probably). Besides I always had this urge to push the moment whenever we were together. He brought out the more daring Jenny within me; even if it was doing something as silly as getting closer to him.

Chuck rolled his eyes, like he was saying he didn't have to be helpful right now. Like this was some great favor he was doing me. Though I still don't think Nate could do anything like that. Be a douche who doesn't call, write, message, or contact you in any way and breaks your heart, maybe. Not a planning mastermind. That roll belonged to Blair and Chuck, and Serena once in a blue moon if she actually got a good idea.

We both stayed quiet, completely silent. The only thing that was speaking were our eyes. His were so calm as they barely moved. Instead he just kept staring into mine. My eyes, on the other hand, were opened wide, trying to figure his out. It made me move in only a centimeter closer. What are you saying Chuck Bass?

Before I could move any closer he stood up and made his way across the room. That made me stand up as well. In interest I took steps closer. It was like he was trying to get away from my gaze, but I was locked on him. The way he talked, the way he looked at me, the way he took those steps away; it was all part of the mystery that always made me want to know more.

It was all just interest though, nothing more. Interest about who he was and why he was that way. The secrets he had dragged me. That's all it is.

When I took a third step closer, it seemed like he finally snapped. He wouldn't let me get another step closer. "Nate is definitely into someone else." Chuck's usually controlled voice sort of blurted out. Knowing it would repel me backwards. "I've seen him texting with that stupid grin of his, and if that wasn't enough he's not very secretive with his phone calls either."

My love struck brain slowly put some of the pieces together. Nate had sent so many texts, he had even taken phone calls. Every time he insisted it was business, which of course I believed. He was lying to me... No. He said it was business and that's what I'll believe. It was to believe either Chuck (the guy who tried to get at me last night and has never gave a damn) or Nate (the guy who might of broken my heart before but has never had a cynical thought in his life). The choice was obvious.

Laughing in disbelief I made my way away from him. Shaking my head ever so slowly, trying to show how I wouldn't accept his words. There was no way it could be true. It just couldn't be. "Do ever stop lying? I mean honestly, Chuck. This is low for even you." My shot at happiness and he was dragging it down.

All the sweetness in his face was sucked away almost instantly. "Whatever, Humphrey. I thought you smarter this time around." He spoke bitterly as he rolled his sleeves down, grabbing his jacket off the bed. His eyes were now shouting with anger. "Have fun figuring this out on your own." Like that he was out the door and to the elevator.

Am I being stupid to not take his warning? Possibly. It was such an empty warning though. All he had for proof was what _he_ heard and what _he_ saw. I'm sorry but that's not enough for me to throw Nate away. Nate was too sweet anyways. He would never hurt me on purpose. Whatever Chuck heard, he heard wrong.

*Line*

"A Mysterious Noise and A Mysterious Message"

Around nine I stepped out of the shower. Steam consumed the bathroom as I grabbed a towel and wrapped it around my body. I wiped away the fog on the mirror to see my fresh, clean reflection. There was something about taking a shower that sort of reset me. Going from tensed, over thinking Jenny back to relaxed, care free Jenny. All my worries were miles away.

So I thought I was home alone, but when I opened the bathroom door I heard someone laughing from down the hall. It sounded nothing like my dad or Lilly, so obviously it caught my attention. Holding my towel tightly to my body, grabbing my phone off the counter, I made my way down towards the living room. As I got closer I noticed all the lights were off, the glow coming from the room was coming from candles.

What the hell was going on...?

Before I could take another step forward, I heard a girl start to speak. Still I couldn't tell who it was. Then there was a guy, and after a second of thinking about it that was definitely Dan. That really grabbed my attention. I got to the end of the hallway, barely sticking my head out to see what was going on.

When I laid my eyes on who was in the living room, I almost gasped out in shock, but I stopped myself. If I gasped they would hear me and they would stop doing whatever they were doing. And I have to see what they're doing, because you never see Dan and Blair alone together. At least, that's what I thought.

Blair let out the most adorable giggle as she smacked my brother's arm. She had the happiest smile I have ever seen on her lips. "Shut up!" Her hand traveled down his arm to his hand, which she took in hers. "You are such a dork." With that her body moved in closer.

From a distance I admired them as their gaze got more intense. Their bodies got closer on the couch. Was this honestly happening? Blair Waldorf and, _my_ brother, Dan Humphrey were getting a little too cozy on the couch. Starring into each others eyes, holding hands, scouting closer to one another. I thought this morning was an alternate universe, but shit just got ten times weirder. Here I was, staring right at it, still I couldn't believe it.

If all of this wasn't weird enough, something truly unbelievable happened. My eyes widened in shock as my brother's lips locked with Blair's. It wasn't a short and sweet kiss either. Once they met both of their bodies moved in closer. Dan's hand landed on her showing leg; her arms wrapped around his neck. Blair tilted her head as she kissed him more and more until they practically reached the point of making out (or at least getting there).

I was so consumed in watching my brother get on top of Blair I almost completely zoned out, so when my phone vibrated I don't even know what happened. All within the same five seconds my phone went off, which caused me to spazz and drop it. By the time my phone hit the floor they had already heard me. Dan got off Blair and stood up while Blair continued to sit there, her jaw dropping a bit.

Thank god I held onto my towel because I could of just as easily let that drop too. As fast as I could I grabbed my phone off the floor and darted back to my room. Quietly I shut the door, taking the biggest breath of my life. That, right there, was so many levels of awkward. And I knew they heard me, I mean obviously they did. Now I just had to wait until one of them knocked on my door.

Dear lord let it be Dan.

Though I did decide I wouldn't greet whoever it was in my towel (no matter how much I pulled it off). I stripped down and began to look for something at least decent. Nothing to flashy, that might seem weird. Still, I didn't want to just open the door in my pajamas acting like I didn't care. Finally I just put on one of my dad's old shirts, tying it with a hairband in the back, and a pair of short-shorts. It was casual, but not like I was aiming to impress. Perfect.

Right as I buttoned my shorts there was a knock on my door. Guess it was easy to narrow it down to me since my room is the only one with a light on. Taking one more calming breath I grabbed another hair tie off my dresser, walking to the door. As I opened it I began to put my hair in a cute, messy bun; still trying to act super casual.

Like I had hoped for, it was Dan standing in front of me. Clearly he took a moment to clean up as well. His shirt straightened out, collar put down properly. It was cute he tried to clean up, but after what I saw... Well, let's get real here.

"So, I had no idea you'd be home and," His words mumbled together as his lips couldn't decide what to say next. Which I couldn't blame him. How do you explain that? "After you left a lot happened and-"

Maybe it was rude of me, but I wasn't going to let him finish that sentence. Out of all the letters he sent never once did he mention Blair, like at _all_. He never mentioned a single girl or feelings for anyone. "Obviously a lot has changed, you had your tongue down Blair Waldorf's throat." I crossed my arms as if I was upset, though I'm not sure I am. They both clearly seemed happy, which wasn't a bad thing. It was just super weird to imagine. "What the hell, Dan? Where in the world did this come from?" Seriously, where in the freaking world did this come from.

That was when Blair appeared behind Dan, her arms wrapping around his waist. She rested her head on his shoulder and looked me in the eyes. I get that they're together now, or whatever this is, still just seeing them was super weird. Especially since the two were all cuddly and close and sweet to each other and... and... dear I say it damn adorable.

Blair whispered something into his ear before kissing his cheek and looked back at me. Man, why did they have to actually be cute? It made all of this worse. Blair began to speak, "When I got back from Paris," after pushing Serena in the fountain, "I ran into Dan at the old French theater down in Brooklyn. I was so upset I didn't even attempt to ignore him." She laughed a little bit, her arms letting go of him. "Dan saw how upset and then he-" At that moment my phone vibrated again.

I put my finger up as a signal for them to stop talking. Dear, little, perfect iPhone, thank you for knowing exactly when to make a noise to stop my the girl who use to want to kill me talk about how she got with my brother. Sometimes you have to take a moment to appreciate the little things in life, like phones saving you from awkward moments.

Honestly I forgot it went off earlier in the first place. That was when I saw I sad two new messages. I slid to unlock it and typed in my password then went straight to my messages. Two new ones, both from Nate. Interesting.

The first one read: "_Hey Jen, can you come over? I want, no need, to see you. Get here soon._" So he _needs_ to see me? I think Nate is wanting a bit more than he got earlier. Maybe I could pay him a visit. But right, the second one: "_Seriously. Get here right now._" Now that is... Odd.

With pure confusion taking over my face I looked back up to the weirdest couple I had ever seen. Without a word I dropped my phone in my pocket, going over to my closet and grabbing a jacket. I wasn't wearing the sexiest outfit alive, but it was hot in that careless kind of vibe. As I put on my jacket I looked between them.

"I get it. You guys are together and happy. Awesome." My smile might of came off fake, I couldn't help it. My mind was just somewhere else. God am I a bad person? My brother was happy, that was all good, but I could deal with his happiness later. Other things were happening now. "Promise not to tell a soul, but I really gotta go."

Like that I walked past them and headed for the elevator. Something didn't feel right about these texts, and I as on a mission to figure out what that was.

*Line*

"There's Always A Plan"

My taxi pulled up to Nate's apartment as the wind began to pickup. I stepped out the taxi thanking the fact that my fair was in a sexy little bun. As I made my way up the steps someone pumped into me. It was so rude, they didn't even apologize. Though this is New York after all. Still I turned around just to see some man hop in a limo and drive off. Yep, he was definitely in to much of a hurry to mutter a simple "sorry".

Jerk.

Whatever, I won't let them ruin my day. Everything had been going so well (minus Chuck being an ass with his little theory of Nate possibly seeing someone else). Instead I am determined to stay positive and continue to have a good mind set until that clock striked midnight. On my way inside the building I smiled to every single worker I passed. Which they would either take as sweet or think I'm mocking them since I don't have to do a single thing.

The elevator was empty as I entered it, so for the next minute or two I would be allow as it traveled up to the top floor, which meant I was left alone to my thoughts. That alone was a scary thought. My mind had the freedom to wonder from why Nate so desperately needed to see me, to how Dan and Blair had been keeping such a big secret, or to what evil plan Serena had planned for me since the whole team up with Blair thing didn't work. More importantly my mind couldn't help but think of Chuck. How did he always get on my mind? Even when there was nothing to think.

Either I was thinking about when our hands touched at the train station. That little smile that caught all of my attention. The way we laughed together when I told him I'd choose bigger boobs. How he spoke about nobody waiting for him when he got home. His hand when he offered to dance with him. How soft his lips were, how he tasted when he kissed me. When he tried to warn me about the impossible. No matter how many times my brain said he would always be the same sleezy jerk, my heart kept telling me his spots changed.

By the time the doors opened I almost forgot why I was here in the first place. How did my mind get on Chuck anyways? That needed to stop. It was to distracting from things that really mattered, which was (suppose to be) anything but him. Right now I had to focus on Nate and our relationship, or something like that.

When the doors opened though, I heard some talking coming from his bedroom. Crap. Was Chuck here? That would make this way awkward... and extremely confusing. Why would Chuck be here if he needed me to come over so desperately? Why would _anyone_ be here? Is it weird for me to think that it should just be him and me? Maybe I'm asking to many questions. Now I need to go out and get the answers.

When I stepped down the hall, right before I called his name, I almost completely froze. Earlier with Blair and Dan I might have had trouble telling who was speaking to whom, but with these voices I had no trouble. I heard Nate's voice, that was clear. What scared me though, what made me freeze, was the voice I could recognize without a doubt. That other voice, that other person, that sickening laugh was coming from none other than Serena van der Woodsen.

My instincts told me to run in there and teach them a think or two. Scream at Nate, slap him maybe. Oh god and what I would do to Serena. Right about now I wanted to yank on her pretty blonde hair and push her against a wall. She has screwed me over way to often.

No. I have to calm down. This could honestly be anything. Since I left I haven't pretty much spoken to either of them. For all I know they could still be really close friends. True Gossip Girl never mentioned them hanging out or anything and no one spotted them anywhere, but that doesn't mean anything. They've known each other for their entire lives, there is the simplest explanation for why they would be alone together right after he texted me to come over.

Maybe he texted me so Serena could apologize, and they knew if she texted me I would ignore it?... Yeah. That's kind of a long shot, isn't it? Still, positivity is my goal. Until proven otherwise this is a good thing.

Before I turned the corner into his room though, I stopped. By spying on Dan and Blair I had the chance to figure out what was going on between them. It was sneaky and unfair to their privacy, but it wasn't like it hurt them. If anything it'll be good for them to have someone who knows of their little affair. Spying on Nate and Serena couldn't hurt. It would only give me an advantage on the situation, and that really couldn't hurt anyone if I knew what was happening. It would give me a game plan for entering.

So just like before I stopped right before his door way, leaning against the wall just in case my shadow could be seen. Man was I becoming the sneaky girl since I got back. All those minion traits from when I was freshman were coming back to me. Always keep your eyes and ears open, gossip was around every corner. This time literally.

The two continued to talk as I kept my breathing low. "I told you everything is going great with me and Jenny." Nate said with a slight laugh at the end. Awh, he was talking to Selena about us? That was... Odd. Odd, but cute.

"I know you have it under control." Serena's voice started to get all pouty sounding, "And I don't mean to bother you when you're out with her. You know I get jealous." What the _hell_ was that suppose to mean? It made me lean in a little closer.

Nate let out one of his charming laughs before he started to talk, "Don't worry about it. Everything is going like you thought. If not better." I heard him take a phew steps. Where was he headed? "She's totally head over heels. Even caught me going through her purse and fell for the note idea you had."

If I wasn't so curious to where this was going, I would have barged in already. Things are going better than they thought? I was head over heels? Note idea? Why did I have this feelings I was going to look really stupid by the end of this conversation? I shouldn't of allowed myself to fall for him so fast. This wasn't good.

"Seriously? And that girl calls me stupid." Serena laughed out, I could only imagine her rolling her eyes. Note to Serena: you _are_ stupid. "She'll be putty in your hands in no time." That was when there was a long pause that felt like it went on forever, though it was probably only seconds. "Then we'll crush her and show her once again she doesn't belong here any longer."

By now I wasn't quite sure what to do. On one hand, I wanted to fall to the ground crying. Then on the other hand, I wanted to run off and pretend I was never here. And if I had three hands, I wanted to barge in there and finally give Serena, and now also Nate, a piece of my mind. I am not some stupid, naive, hopelessly in love girl. That was the old me. I will not be her again. Ever.

So I gathered up all my strength, kept back those stupid tears, and finally took a step inside his room. My arms across my chest, getting my bitchiest face on. Show them you mean business. "Crush me? How did you exactly plan to do that?" Hopefully my voice didn't sound as shaky as I felt saying it.

It was like when I entered the room everything froze. Simply by the look in their eyes I knew I had caught them more than off guard. Right now I was literally the last person they ever expected to see. Which was good, people let more slip when they're off guard. I was aiming to get the truth out of them.

Nate's lips opened and closed as his words stuttered, trying to form a single word, "Jenny... We were just talking about... about..." His words stopped going, but it was clear that in his head he was still trying to figure out a way to make all of this make sense. His body stopped moving and his eyes seemed to stare off into my mine, still just as lost.

"About how you don't belong back here and you should run back to Hudson." Serena stepped forward, rolling her eyes at me. Just her posture made it clear that she thought she was the number one person in the room, like she owned the place. If she wanted to own this place, go ahead. I had no desire to be the head bitch in here. "You could never do it, Jenny, and you never belonged here. But for some strange reason you keep coming back with this idea you can make it." She took a step closer, getting up in my face. "Each time you end up failing and hurting people who matter." Oh? Like herself?

Without a thought I brought up my hand and bitch slapped her pretty little face so hard. This was definitely where she had crossed the line. As if she knew anything about me, had the right to judge me. I know I wasn't the greatest person, but each year I have grown more and more. Being away for senior year only helped me grow more. For her to stand here and judge me like she could read me like a children's picture book was not acceptable.

Angrily I looked into her surprised eyes, "You. Are. No one. Special." I stopped between my words for two reasons: 1. To prove the point of how pissed off I am and 2. It was hard to even speak at this point. I want to be strong, I do, but it is so hard. They, people like Serena, always make it so hard to move on and get over it. Oh no, there is always a problem with a past. "No one even likes you anymore, not even Blair. The only person who does is... Him." My eyes shifted to Nate, still glaring.

A moment of silence came over the room once again. Which made me realize, I had more to say. I had things to say to Mr. Pretty-Boy. My eyes continued to look right into his as my glare (hopefully) burned holes into him. "What have I ever done to you? Besides for begging for your attention, fall for you, becoming a complete idiot and fall in love with you." Sighing I took a step back, admiring the scene in front of me. "What I don't get is why you'd ask me to come over when _she_ was here. You really are dumber than I thought."

Never had I agreed with everyone else and called Nate an idiot. Sure, I'd say he could be a bit clueless, or that he didn't catch on quick. That was always because I thought it went with his good natured-ness. Now it was clear he was mindless.

Nate took a step closer to me, just for Serena to put up her hand to stop him. She had him whipped good. They really were meant to be together. She was controlling and he was easily controlled. God it made me sick just to look at them. All these lies and I've been back for only a couple of days. It made me wonder if they had this plan all along.

Confused more than usual Nate did speak, despite Serena's warning hand, "Jenny, I never sent you a text. My phone is in the other room." What I hated about that was I could tell it was true, he didn't text me. Guess he isn't that dumb.

When my eyes fell on Serena though she shot me a glare like 'yeah right'. If she didn't send and he didn't send it, who did? No one else could have- Feeling like an idiot this whole situation suddenly made sense. He warned me something was up; I didn't bother to listen. He was the only person who even had a clue, who could even get to Nate's phone and know this would be happening.

Chuck Bass... Did you do this because you care?

Without a word I made my way out of the room, walking quickly down the hall. I had to get out of here. I had to get some air. The tension that followed me was so awkward and thick you could cut it with a knife, and you could gladly take the knife out of my back to do it.

Right as I got to the elevator, pressing the button as fast as possible, I heard Nate call after me. I wasn't even sure of what he was saying, all the words seemed to get slammed together. Just hearing his voice made me twirl around in anger. Standing my ground I put my hand up to make his lips to stop moving. I only had one last thing to say to him. One last thing and I could the rest of my life without seeing his beautifully deceivingly face again.

"Don't pretend you care," I shook my head right as the elevator doors dinged open. Slowly I took a step backwards into it, still keeping eye contact, "You're just as heartless as she is." I clicked the lobby button and watched the doors close and his body disappear.

*Line*

"Are You Waiting For Someone? Are You Waiting For Me...?"

Quietly I made my way into the empty club. There were three people here; the janitor who let me, obviously me, and the shadowed figure of a man sitting on the couch with the best view of the empty stage. My footsteps were short and quiet, his body slowly becoming visible. He was slouched over with a drink in his hand. Just the way I pictured him.

Is it weird I found it beautiful? The way he seemed so miserable and alone, when he could have anything he wanted. How I could see how broken he appeared, and how he could easily be fixed. That deep down I knew his secret, he does care and he is a good person, but to the rest of the world he'd gladly appear as the bad boy without a heart. You can appear totally miserable, but I know the truth Chuck, and I'm going to hold it against you.

Without a single word I walked in front of him and stopped. His eyes went front my waist up until he stopped at my eyes. We both stared each other down. Deep down Chuck and I were a lot alike. He was trying to read my eyes, I was trying to read his. He secretly (well tried to make it unnoticeable) checked me out, I secretly pretended not to notice. He cared about me, I cared about him (no one has to know about that).

A little smile formed before I walked right in front of him. I leaned down, taking a deep breath. Then, without a thought... I slapped him. That made me actually have a smile, not a fake one I gave my taxi driver or the janitor when he let me in. A real smile. The expression on his face only made it grow more. This was actually, kind of, hysterical.

"That's for setting me up for getting my heartbroken." I giggled a little, standing up straight again. Saying made me feel like such a baby though. Nate and I were only really together for, like, two days. I guess it was the getting my hopes up that hurt, thinking there would be a future. Guess it was better to find out now then later... Still I wanted to have a reason to slap him. Just cause.

Looking me dead in the eye, his eyes wide, he stood up to stand right next to me. For a second his mouth was just open, hanging in shock. "How did you know that-" He stopped himself and shook his head, "Why the hell did you slap me? I was doing you a favor." There was regret already sinking in to his upset voice. It was cute.

God. What _is_ wrong with me? I have slapped Serena, told off Nate and decided I was done with him, then I slap Chuck, and now I'm realizing everything that's so cute or handsome about him. Did I notice before and choose not to acknowledge it? I always knew he was a good looking guy, I mean anyone could see that, but it wasn't just that. Realizing it made me smile or laugh.

He was so silly, acting like Mr. Tough Guy when all I could see was the sweet guy who risked hurting me to save me. All I could see was this guy who had a soft side. Or a guy who might be the biggest liar I've ever met, but the only person around here who was honest and said it exactly how it was. I was drowning in the thoughts of him I never allowed before.

Now, I had another plan in my head and up until now it was just a thought. Earlier it seemed a bit crazy; now that we were standing next to each other, so close, it didn't seem so crazy. Either way I made a choice. I was already spy Jenny, now I'm going to be impulsive Jenny. "And this is a thank you for doing it..." My words started to fade as I closed my eyes. This wasn't crazy, not at all.

My body almost stopped itself, but I made myself do it. I leaned in and I kissed him. I kissed Chuck Bass. My lips lingered on his, resting for a moment before they barely opened, just the slightest. Again I kissed his rough lips, putting more into it. Once my lips were comfortable, I didn't want to pull away. My heart was racing like no other, and I couldn't tell if it was in a good or bad way.

Opening my eyes I pulled away just to see his were still closed. He... Closed his eyes? That meant something. You can kiss a million people and your eyes can stay wide open, but the second your eyes close there is a story behind it. Mine were closed too though, so that meant something as well.

We both stood there in silence, looking at one another. I don't think either of us knew what just happened. Am I insane? Probably. Do I give a single fuck right now? Not at all.

Right now would probably be a good time to explain why we just locked lips. The logic made sense, at least to me. "Do you remember when we were alone in the living, and you were staring down at all the people, the taxis, and the apartments across the street?" I took a short breath before looking back into his eyes (mine had somehow wondered to the ground). "You asked me if I thought someone was waiting for them to get there, if they knew someone would be waiting." Shrugging I placed my hands on his shoulders; I had nothing to lose.

Chuck's eyebrow lifted in confusion as he continued to look me in the eyes. He didn't even shrug or push away my hands. "How does that have to do with..." Slightly chuckling he looked at my lips and then back to my eyes. His eyes were filled with so much confusion, but they still sparkled just as bright. "Whatever just happened."

"It made me think, I want to be that person waiting for you..." I trailed off, moving my body in even closer, "I had two options: go home and wait until you came back, or take a chance and see if you were here, maybe waiting for me?" I asked ever so sweetly. Right I was playing all my cards. Being sweet, yet strong. Flirty, yet straight forward.

Honestly, I was sort of trying to be like Blair, because that would keep his attention.

"Listen, Jenny, that's sweet, but let's get real. There is nothing here and nothing will be here. I was doing you a favor, that's it." Chuck sighed, taking my hands off his shoulders. As if all I said meant nothing he started to make his way out.

I was _not_ about to settle with that. No. I already pushed myself this, I was not going to become a fool by doing so. Instinctively, with a bit of anger, I shouted after him, "You know, you try and act like this big shot but you're not." That got him to stop and turn around. With purpose in my step I marched over where he now stood. "People see you as this liar and cheater and player, but you're not. Out of everyone you are the most honest, real, and trusting person there is. No matter how backwards that sounds, that's who you really are. You know it."

Actually saying that out loud, knowing I believed each word coming out, felt sort of freeing. This illusion of who he was trying to be wasn't true. As much as he might hate it, he is a good person. Not exactly to every single person he meets, but when it came down to it. He was the only one who would admit what type of world all the Upper East Siders lived in. How it was corrupt and by pretending you survived. Everyone would be scared to say that, even if everyone knows it.

"You don't know me!" Chuck yelled right into my face, making me flinch backwards. There wasn't even alcohol on his breath. All this anger was him. "You're back for a few days, talk to me a couple of times, and suddenly you act like you know me inside and out. You're not that special." Angrily he rolled his eyes, shaking his head at me. "Get over yourself."

What I was about to do would either be my stupidest decision yet, or the bravest thing that has ever worked out. I am not the strongest chick alive, in reality I'm just skinny and tall, muscle I'm sort of lacking. Still, with what I did had I pushed him against the wall. Without hesitation I walked right up to him and kissed him again, keeping my body against his as he leaned on the wall.

My eyes were shut tight and I loved that fact; I could only hope his were too. The moment I felt his hands on waist I knew this was going somewhere good. Barely pulling away I began to kiss him more and more. Our lips were playing a game of a tag, and tag backs were totally acceptable. Breathing was an option we could have whenever our lips were free, but that option did not last long.

So Nate was Serena's little minion with her twisted webs. So my brother was hooking up with the girl who once wanted me dead. So I had pretty much no friends here besides my step brother and the girl who betrayed our friendship for a guy who ended screwing her over anyways. So my dad was having slight marriage troubles. I don't give a single fuck about any of that.

At this moment, at this incredible moment, Chuck Bass' hands were around my waist. His lips were on mine. His eyes were closed (yes I peeked to check). Nothing in the world mattered, because right now was the only moment that I cared about.

Worst brave decision I've ever made? Well we'll see in the morning.


	11. Breakfast and a Break

Part 9

A/N: So... I got suspended for a few days and one of my stories got deleted for going against policy or whatever? Though I don't see how it went against anything. But that kinda put a damper on writing and made it impossible to post anything. On top of that a lot of personal stuff happened sucking up all my free time from when I was not working. So this is super late, and I'm sorry for that. Honestly.

"Breakfast At Humphrey's"

When I woke up in the morning my bottom lip was soar, probably from last night. Oh gosh last night was by far one of the best thing that has ever happened to me, and a _lot_ of great things have happened to me. Last night was just full of so much passion and raw attractions it felt amazing. Never has a simple kiss made my entire body go insane. I want that feeling again, I want it now, it was so perfect. Yet, here I am, laying in bed alone, slightly biting my lower lip like Chuck once did.

Slowly I rolled out of bed and walked over to my mirror; brushing my hair until it looked good, but not to good. Next was to apply a light pink tint to my lips, not so noticeable but still made them look extra desirable. Some neutral eye shadow to give me more color, and, of course, some black eyeliner to help my blue eyes pop. I was trying to make it look like I didn't try to look beautiful; instead I wanted to look as if I rolled out of bed looking this cute.

All for you Chuck, all for you.

In one of my shorter night shirts and a pair of short-shorts I walked down the hall towards the kitchen. Before taking the final step, before exposing myself to whoever was out there, I peeked around the corner. Shoot. There was no Chuck, just Dan pouring some juice. That probably meant Blair wasn't far behind. Casually I walked in, pretending like I didn't look slutty in my pajamas (which I kind of did), pulled myself up and sat on the counter.

Dan glanced over at me with a smile, but as he saw me he simply chuckled. His eyes went back to his juice, taking his sweet time to drink it. He was probably put off making some witty comment about my morning appearance. Finally he set it down, staring at his orange juice as he started to speak, "You look really comfy right now." His voice couldn't of sounded more sarcastic.

"Actually I feel very freeing," I grinned happily over to him. Honestly though I felt awkward, my ass freezing on the counter as I pretended to be happy that Dan was who I found in the kitchen. Had I missed Chuck? Had he left already without saying anything to me? Thinking he'd wait for me was probably stupid. Casually I tried to bring it up, "So did Chuck leave already? I heard something early while I was trying to sleep." Lie, I didn't hear a thing. But that was pretty sly, huh?

So Dan pretty much gave me the most confused look ever. Caught him off guard with that one. "Um, no. I woke up around six and it was dead quiet." He shot me one last weirded out look before turning around and putting the orange juice container back in the fridge. Thanks for the offer.

The first thing that popped into my head though was where Blair could be. Did our awkward little run in last night make her leave early last night? If so I didn't mean to be a cock block to Dan. It was nice to know he seriously moved on though, and for real this time. Last night, with the candles and home cooked dinner, it looked sweet and romantic. This was the kind of thing Dan had been probably dying to do for a long time, but never had the right person to do it for. Weird enough that was now Blair, and it seemed like she liked that cliché kind of thing.

Sighing I hopped off the counter. Getting ready was a complete waste of time, Chuck probably wasn't even here. At this moment I wanted to hit myself in the head. He pushed me against my bedroom door, he was holding me in his arms, kissing my lips, and I turned him down. I told him I couldn't let it be that easy this time. Replaying it in my head I must of sounded like the dumbest chick alive. I went after him just to shut him down. No wonder Chuck would leave without a goodbye.

Before I had a chance to mope back to my room and fall back on to my bed, I heard a door shut down the hall. Smiling a little too hopefully I looked up. With my luck it was going to be Erik finally getting up, about to go study with my Blair again. My luck seemed to change though, because instead it was an already dressed, staring down at his phone Chuck.

A small smile started to spread across my lips, but quickly I stopped myself. Dan couldn't see I was happy to see Chuck, that would bring up way to many questions. Also I might as well still try my play-it-cool strategy since he was still here. It was a good strategy, so why waste it? At the same time though he had to see I was still interested. My move from last night couldn't jeopardize this thing between us.

Instead I decided to smirk, to remind him of what had happened the night before; just in case he had forgotten of how amazing it was. Slowly I made steps closer to him with the hope of him looking up soon. When there was still nothing I held back a sigh and in a sweet tone began to speak, "Well you sure seem popular this morning. Lots of meetings to get to?" Barely I teased, hoping it would just get his attention off that thing and to my adorable self.

Luckily that seemed to do the trick. His eyes peeled off his iPhone's screen and instead went to me where they stayed. Still, there didn't seem to be a dying urge in his eyes to keep them there like last night. Maybe some of the heat died out while we spent the night alone. For some reason I thought it would make everything even more intense by not sleeping together the very first night. Cause more sexual tension or something. Clearly that isn't how Chuck Bass roles.

Not caring at all, Chuck shrugged as he made a step past me. "You know me, Jenny. I'm high on demand." After walking past me, I heard his steps stop, which caused me to turn around to face him again. Little did he know I totally caught him checking out my ass with that soft, sneaky smile of his.

So he still was into me and possibly the whole idea of, for lack of a better word, us.

That made me roll my eyes; he was so full of himself in this modest way. What once came off as douchey now seemed goofy. It was part of what I liked about him. All the bragging he did was justified. He was high on demand (though I didn't exactly love the thought of having to battle not only other girls, but people dying to simply do business with him) and he knew that. Now he was using that fact to taunt me about how he could be doing anything, anyone else today.

I could only hope he would choose not to. It made me question if hard to get was the best approach, because it hit me right now I'm not exactly in the position to make him work for it. He was the one who was hard to get, and I really wanted to catch him. Instead of trying to be caught I should try to reel him in with something worth getting.

It slowly hit me that I hadn't replied to him; my eyes were staring right into his, barely even blinking. That was alright, because it didn't seem like Chuck had noticed my lips had been kept shut. Ever so sweetly I began to smile, now walking past him and to the kitchen again. Carelessly, trying to act as if I could float like an angel, I pulled myself back up on to the kitchen counter. My eyes kept on him, while out of the corner of my eye I realized Dan was right next to me, while made my flawless act fall a bit weak.

"Yeah, everyone wants you for some mysterious reason." I rolled my eyes to Dan, which made him roll his eyes back. Good, he was oblivious (which didn't surprise me to much. It _was_ Dan after all). But it made me actually think for a moment. Chuck told me that I knew him. Even though it came out sort of sarcastically, it actually made me think.

After all the time we had spent talking, and all the time we had spent _not_ talking (if you know what I mean), I felt like I did know him. Not completely, but more than probably anyone else at this moment. I have been seeing his sweet side and how even when he's being all tough, he isn't all that tough. He was high on demand, that fact couldn't be argued, but just because he was high on demand didn't mean he was going to fall into it. Maybe somewhere in that busy schedule he made room for me. Maybe.

Chuck looked over at Dan, who was now staring at his laptop. He was probably messaging Blair, planning another little secret date of theirs. My eyes came off of Dan and went back to Chuck, waiting for his eyes to come off Dan as well. I was crossing my fingers something good would come from this moment. Dan would only be staring at that screen for so long.

That was when Chuck began to walk towards me, causing my heart to go a million miles per second. Ever so gently his hand landed on my thigh, and as he leaned over the counter to grab an apple his hand went up as well; going right up my shorts. He did it so effortlessly, like he wasn't doing this with my brother in the same room. At that moment I wanted nothing more but to pushed up against my door, kissing him.

Please tell me you want the same, Chuck, because if you're just doing this to toy with me I can tell you right now this won't end well for me... Why? Because this girl I decided to be, the one who doesn't care about what others thought and doesn't need anyone to care for her, love her, has had a slight change of heart. As in, I might be a big enough idiot to not only want some type of relationship, but I want it with- dare I say- Chuck. That sounds bad already.

My breathing slowed down as he put his face closer to mine. It was like he was testing me or something. Seeing if I was willing to take the risk to get any closer. Which was a risk I wanted to take, but Dan was seriously _right_ there. This little thing we do have could get shot to hell in a matter of seconds if he even caught a glance.

No. I'm not going to let Dan once again help destroy a chance at a relationship. I'm a big girl, I can make decisions for myself. More importantly I won't let his ideals affect mine. Not like he was Mr. Perfect anymore (I mean, he never was, but in his mind).

Carefully I began to lean in, going extremely slow. Probably not the best idea if I wanted to beat the Dan timer, but I couldn't help it. Honestly I was nervous. Last night I was so high on determination and confidence that fear didn't have the chance to seep in. Now I had shaky hands, butterflies in my stomach, all those things screaming at me that I did care about this.

Not wasting a second more, I barely touched his lips with mine. My eyes closed only for the brief second when our lips were together. When they opened though all I saw was Chuck looking right back. His hand left my upper thigh and instead he put it on my side, out of Dan's sight. Right as I was about to go in and kiss him again, I heard Dan turn around in his chair. That made me instantly stop as I tried to calm down and catch the breath Chuck was stealing away.

Confused, Dan looked over at us. At first I was freaked out, thinking that he might of started to catch on to what was happening. But then he started to talk and all my fears went flying out the window. "What happened to being high on demand?" He slightly teased at Chuck, which actually I didn't mind because it gave me a chance to smile without being questioned.

Taking his hand off my side, Chuck took a step back. "People will wait for me," Came out of his mouth so smoothly. That charm that seems to go with every word he says. No one else could talk like him, with so much confidence and pride in everything he said. You know what I'm talking about.

Like that Chuck started to make his way to the elevator. At first I just watched him walk away, realizing how much I hated that. He walked away like he didn't care about a thing, about that perfect kiss (even if it only lasted half a second). It was always so hard to tell with him, decode what he was thinking, but I'm getting better at it. Like I can tell by the way he's glanced back three times that he just might want me to follow.

Quietly I hopped off the counter and followed him down the hall, making it there right as he stepped inside the elevator. Almost instantly his head went down and he began to look at his phone... So maybe I read that part wrong, about him wanting me to follow; didn't mean I was about to give up. "So do you really have a lot to do today?" I asked somewhat quietly. Still there was no response. I was about to sound so pathetically desperate, "Because I was thinking, if there was any chance-"

My words were cut off by his iPhone being put in front of my face. His phone was on his calendar for the day. Every appointment on it had "canceled" written right next to it. Which meant what I thought it meant, but I wasn't about to ask and sound like an idiot if I was wrong. You know that feeling of wanting to be right, yet knowing there was that huge possibility you were wrong. A good example would be raising your hand in class, confident with your answer, just to be completely wrong and you look like a fool in front of everyone. Cue wanting to crawl in a hole and disappear.

I couldn't have that type of mistake with Chuck. I'm trying too hard for him. Does that show? Here I go again. My mind needs to calm down. He's just a boy...

"I canceled them when you sent me back to my room like a five year old." Chuck chuckled a bit as he said it. Bet I'm one of the first girls in a long time that turned him on and then turned him down for anything more. His hand took mine, his thumb rubbing the top of my hand. I couldn't help but flash back to when I first met him, before he took me to the rooftop. "Clearly I have some work to do to prove myself."

Hearing that alone made me die inside. Prove himself. Chuck wanted to prove himself. Prove he's the guy from Grand Central. The guy who talked to me in the living room at 2am, admitting his fear of being alone. The guy who went behind his best friend's back to make me know the truth. Prove himself. Those were two words I wasn't prepared to hear come out his mouth.

Casually I took a glance back over at Dan who was still staring at the computer like a zombie. When I looked back at Chuck he wasted no time to pull me inside the elevator with him. So I wasted no time to kiss him; wrap my arms around his neck. After all, that was the number one thing on my mind from the second I woke up. Clearly it had been on his mind too, wasting no time with his hands going down my back.

I didn't want air, I didn't want to waste any time to breathe. All I wanted was to kiss him until those doors started to open, because that really was all the time we had. Which sucked ass, but it beat nothing. To be quite honest I'm not even sure what this was, all I knew was we both seemed to be enjoying the game of seeing how long we could go without stopping for emergency air. His hands seemed to be having fun exploring my body too.

That's when I heard the elevator ding. With like ninja reflexes I hit the "door close" button, just to steal another second. But after kissing him one last time, I pulled my body away; taking a deep breath to try and become stable again. It was terrible, this stupid smile wouldn't leave my face. I must of looked like a twelve year old girl. Kissing Chuck just does things to my body that I can't even begin to explain, in the _best_ of ways...

Once again the doors began to open, so I took a step back. God forbid let someone in the lobby see us. It sucked knowing he would probably deny it to hell and back, and it sucked knowing I was pretty much okay with that. Don't get me wrong, I am loving making out with him and taking charge myself, but I am expecting no miracles. He is still Chuck Bass, despite what he says about just wanting to be Chuck. Keep my standards low so I won't be disappointed; if anything I could be pleasantly surprised.

But that's when I saw his fingers hit the close button (what did I just say about being pleasantly surprised?). When I looked up Chuck's eyes were still on me, a mischievous look on his face. "You don't have a single clue to what you're getting yourself into." He bluntly stated while looking me in the eyes, leaving me no room to question his words. Out of nowhere a slight laugh came out as he shrugged, "Quite frankly I'm not sure what I'm getting into either."

Was I really confusing to him? I guess that's a good thing, at least he doesn't think I'm easy. "So you'll admit that we're getting into something?" Maybe I was to eager to ask that, but I was eager to get an answer. Right now I feel like we're dipping our toes in the water, and for me it's about the right temperature to jump in.

The elevator felt quiet, the only thing you could hear was noise from the lobby, and that wasn't very loud to begin with. Practically it was dead quiet. Asking might have been a little to risky. Someone once told me: don't ask questions to answers you don't want to hear. This might have been a good time to imply that rule.

"I'll pick you up in my car around noon for lunch. Don't be late." Chuck let go of the button, taking a step towards me. My lips waited patiently as he looked at me, with this look of intent. As the doors began to open he gently removed a piece of hair of out of my face, pushing it behind my ear so cliché like. Just like that he exited, acting as if nothing happened at all.

So much was happening though, so very much. Especially everything within me. There were butterflies in my stomach. My heart was racing. My mind was blurred by vision of being up against him. I had this adrenaline to literally do anything if it would get his attention. My hands were shaking. Even my lips had a slight tremble, wishing his would have touched mine again.

Get your shit together, Jenny Humphrey. It's one guy. More less it's Chuck Bass. True he's said he's changed, and you've witnessed that. Don't give in yet. He still has a lot to prove. He still has a lot to do. Don't jump in.

But I can make no promises that I won't fall in.

*Line*

"The Problem"

I messed with my hair as I stared at my reflection in the elevator doors. Right about now I was a hot mess about seeing Chuck. The only upside to acting like such a mess, I was looking pretty hot doing so. Since I had no clue what lunch meant, I tried to be a good balance of hot yet innocent.

Pushed my wavy blond hair over my right shoulder, bangs swept off to the side of my face (except they kept trying to fall in front of my eye). My lips were painted with a dark tinted pink, adding shine to draw attention to them. An appropriately short, blue summer dress going above my knees. Nude colored wedges to add to the cute feeling of summer, yet it was still neutral so it didn't draw to much attention. To top it off: no tights at all. Usually they're my best friends with casual dresses, but this time I decided showing more was better with skin.

As I leaned in to get a closer look at how my eye shadow turned out the doors opened, making me almost fall forward. Luckily I caught myself and quickly regained my balance, stepping out pretending I didn't almost fall flat on my face. Normally I was quite graceful, trust me, and today is not the day to become a klutz.

Walking with a purpose I walked straight to the doors, not giving Vanya a chance to look me over or ask questions about where I was going (though he's done a pretty good job learning not to ask what we were up to). I pushed the door open as the hot summer air hit me, making chills go throughout my body. Going from air condition cold to getting hit with a sudden heat wave felt weird. Warm was fine as long as sweating didn't occur.

For a moment I just stood there, looking at all the cars on the street. Where were they going? Was someone waiting for them? Those questions haven't left my mind since I heard them. That was when Chuck's car pulled up in front of the building. Chuck was coming here, and I was waiting right outside for him.

Happily I took my time with each step towards his car. My eyes staring right at the black tinted windows, wondering if he was staring through them too. God I sound so pathetic. Constantly thinking about him like we were in some dramatic fairytale. It was real life. He was probably on his phone, texting one of the businessmen he canceled on earlier. That would be more like it.

Once I made it to the door I gave him no chance to open it, if he was even planning on opening it. When I opened the door it sure didn't look like he was rushing to open it. Actually he was on his phone: reality. So without saying hello or even saying a word I took a seat next time, shutting the car door quietly. There was only silence.

This, right here, was the definition of awkward silence. Sort of jokingly I said, "Thanks for getting the door." Crossing my fingers behind my back that would lighten up the mood. Whether it worked or not, I'm not sure, but it did get him to set down his phone.

"You're not a princess. You don't need someone opening doors for you." Chuck cleared his throat, finally looking at me. Right now I'm not even sure I want to be looked at by him; my face was probably going a bit pink from that verbal bitch slap.

Rolling my eyes, I crossed my arms and sat up straight. Fine. If he wanted to play it that way, I'll play. "And you're not a prince." One of my bitchiest laughs yet slipped out without a thought. I have no problem playing the bitch, I had a lot of good years practicing that. Hell I was worse than Blair sometimes. I took out Erik, my brother and best friend, just because he was telling me I was going to far. Though I will admit it I was going a little power hungry/physco bitch at that point just to prove I could be that bitch.

Chuck glanced at me, looking over my body, pretty much looking me over to see what my body's posture was in the situation right now. A simple slouch or a shaking hand could give him the sign that I was taking offense to him (which I was but he couldn't know it). "Never told you I was." Was his only response before picking up his phone again.

Seriously? Did he seriously just say that? It was not like I was asking him to be one. Never once has it crossed my mind that he was a prince. No, Chuck was the Dark Knight. The bad boy every girl craved in their dreams but never imagined of actually getting. Though the Dark Knight was starting to become sweeter, you could even say softer, he still had his bad-boy side. That side I was not exactly in the mood for.

Keeping the silence going I got out of my seat and went and sat on the seat furthest away from him. I pulled my hair around my shoulder again, it had fallen out of place, and played with the ends trying to seem bored. Of course all I could really think about was what I could do to steal his attention. Alas, I looked over only to see him looking at his phone even more intensely. Right about now he was probably wishing he never canceled a single meeting.

Gently I pulled at my hair, hoping it would help stop a frown from forming. Focus on the pain of my hair instead of focusing on the disappointment of this... This... Date? I'm not even sure what to call it, but it wasn't going like I imagined in my head any of the hundred ways it did while I got ready this afternoon. My standards were set pretty low for him as it was. Trial and error I guess, and this was falling under error.

My fingers tapped on my bare knee as I admired all the people on the street we were passing by. There were some cute couples walking around, holding hands, smiling. Didn't exactly help me feel much better about my situation but it was nice to watch. Happiness like that still exists, it is very much out there, without a single doubt. Achieving it, now _that_ is the real goal. It's something that if you want it, you have to work for it.

I'm probably being way over dramatic about this. I know I am. It's a blessing he sort of, kind of asked me out in the first place. All I needed to do was put my game face on, with a sweet smile, and put in an effort; for him and for me. Give him a reason to be looking at me.

When I looked back over to him, he no longer had his phone in his hands. Our eyes got in a lock as he made his way next to me. His index finger ran down the nape of my neck ever so slowly. Short blasts of chills went through me. Serena once told (obviously when we were still friends), that Blair told her that that was one of his weaknesses. It is one of those I heard from someone that someone else said, kind of things, but right now was living proof it probably was.

I adjusted my body to face him. His hand stayed on my shoulder; making me feel the warmth of his hand on me. It was surprisingly comforting, I really liked it. Breathing in slowly I gave him a small smile. In my head I was thinking over and over again what to say without sounding like an idiot. Almost giggling I spoke softly, "That really wasn't the best way to start." No shit, captain obvious.

Chuck barely nodded, "Better things can still happen though." With that he placed his hand on my bare leg and then ran his hand up. It was like he knew that was my kryptonite; instantly got my heart racing (as if the eye staring and his hand on my shoulder wasn't enough). And I could only imagine what he meant by those innocently played words.

Before I knew it I was biting my lip, and in that moment I realized this was about to turn into an exact replica of last night. But I don't want an exact replica. "I bet better things can." I laughed a little bit, straightening my back; trying to show I wasn't tempted. This would all just fall into a pattern, something that would happen every time. "Like maybe actually talking?"

"Words only get so far..." Chuck whispered out before leaning in and kissing me. Our lips barely touched before he kissed me again, leaning in more. Clearly words only could get us so far, but that wasn't going to stop his tongue from trying anything.

My brain was screaming at me to stop, that this wasn't smart. My brain was right and I knew it was, but that wasn't stopping me. Like a fool I just kissed him back... Ever so gently I put my hand on top of the hand he had on my leg. With that I took his hand and placed it on my other shoulder. Right now I just wanted to kiss him.

A few seconds later it was clear to see that wasn't what he had in mind. His surprisingly soft hands took the strap of my dress and began to pull it down. The innocence in my mind made me have the reflex to stop him. At first there wasn't any resistance from him; that didn't last long though. Once again he began to pull at it, but I couldn't let that happen. I pulled away like little Jenny Humphrey should have that night at the party.

I put my hands on his shoulder and pushed him away, shaking my head as all my thoughts tried to escape, yet they stayed inside yelling as if I actually knew what to do with what was being said. Barely I began to speak, in the weakest voice I've had in a long time, "No..." Was at first all I could mumble out, "This isn't right. This is not what today is suppose to be." My eyes were shut tight so I wouldn't have to see his charming, perfect, handsome face as I denied him once again.

"We can make today be anything." Chuck spoke with no hint of irritation in his voice. That was a surprise to me, I thought he would sound pissed off. His words still were trying to talk me into it, he just wasn't upset doing so. Probably because he believed he could talk me into it if he tried hard enough. "Stop worrying."

And with those words I couldn't do it. I just couldn't. Confident Jenny was gone. Right now it was, dare I say, Little J again. The girl who texted her brother to save her because she had no way of saying no. The girl who would've done anything to be liked. Except I was different this time; the number one goal in my mind was not to liked and I had the strength to walk away from this poisoned kiss. Maybe I actually want that kiss this time, but you know that feeling where everything just seems wrong? It was taking over every inch of me.

Calmly as I could I started to hit the tinted glass that separated us from the driver, "Stop the car." I could feel the car start to pull over to the sidewalk and a breath of relief escaped. Biting my lip, which probably was teasing him more, I looked him into those puppy dog eyes. "I can't do this." At least I couldn't do this _now_.

Without another words I leaned over to the door, not wasting a moment to open it. Those bare legs of mine I was going to try and use on him I was now using to leave him. Ironic how things work out, huh? Still I took a step outside to the bright world and my eyes began to squint to find my way back home. I took one step before hearing Chuck come out right after me.

"Where are you going?" He sighed out, daring to take a step closer to me. He was shaking his head, disappointed in what I was doing. Sorry for being a let down, Chuck, it really isn't anything personal... It's just me realizing what, well, this meant to me.

My lightly tinted pink lips curled into a small smile, giving him an innocent shrug. Here came another question I'm afraid to know the answer of, "What is this to you? Tell me honestly, I won't get mad." Mad at myself, yes; not at him. "I just need to know." Inside I wanted to whisper to him how much I had I was loving this new him, but I couldn't deal with old, ass hole Chuck again.

His eyes rolled at me, like he couldn't believe I was actually asking that question. Hadn't he realized by now? This was not some normal hookup between some girl he met a bar. Had he realized that? I'm not one of those girls. I won't be as easy as them. I'll speak up and I'll question him. Above the rest, my heart was a factor in the equation of getting my clothes off.

God I hate feelings right about now.

Chuck ran his fingers through his soft brown hair, running his fingers through his hair absentmindedly making me want him more. "What do you want me to say?" He genuinely sounded confused. That was the best, worst answer to hear too. It meant he wanted to say the right thing, but had no clue to what was the 'right' thing. "I want you."

For a brief second my heart went into over drive, and then it stopped. I replayed how he said that in my head twenty times before deciding to respond. "You want _me_? Or you want to _hook up_ with me?" There was a very thin line between the two. We both stopped talking, just looking at each other. The silence was a good answer. "Kiss me, right now. On the street." I stepped right in front of him, giving his eyes time to observe my body.

We were like mannequins, standing in the same poses as people walked by us; some glancing to see what was going on. Some looked like they waiting for us to start fighting and yelling, but no. We just stood there with more silence then before. That was our issue, we really suck at communicating now that hooking up came into the equation as well. Before, before I kissed him, I had never felt so comfortable talking to someone. Now he was back to being a jerk and I was back to being afraid.

I was looking into his eyes, seeing all the conflict of making a decision that they showed. His eyes seemed so open, the part of him that was always honest. It made me wonder if he knew I could see into him like that. I also wondered if he could see into me through my eyes. Was I an open book to him? Or was I one of those diaries with a lock and he couldn't the key?

Yet all there was was silence. Not a single word or movement from him. Come on Chuck, I know- I thought I knew- you're better than this. You don't even have to kiss me, just tell me you want me to stay. Something. A single word would be nice.

He was quiet, yet my eyes were drawn to his lips. They didn't even quiver or look like they were going to say anything any time soon. With a sigh I took a step back, "Sorry wasting your day, Chuck. I'll see you around." And with that I just turned around and began to walk away.

I'm probably being a drama queen, this is Chuck after all. It took him two years to tell Blair he loved her. How could I assume he'd admit he liked me (if he does) within a few days? But to be honest, it doesn't have much to do with him. I want to be around him whether we're talking about our emotional sides, laughing at the train station, dancing at his club, making out in the hallway, sitting awkwardly in his car, or standing in silence on the sidewalk... That's the problem.

In the very beginning I asked if it was possible to get your heartbroken by someone you didn't love, and I said I thought it was, because Chuck did break my heart and I sure as hell didn't love him. Maybe that was a sign. A warning sign perhaps? A sign that he does mean something? I'm not sure.

The world works in funny ways, my dad would always tell me that, and the funny thing was... I wanted to Chuck to work. I wanted him to work with me.

What the hell is going on with me...

*Line*

A/N: I know it's totally OC, but they tend to be, so if you don't like it... Sorry. I did work hard on it though. And I know it's very up and down with Jenny's feelings and what not, but that's suppose to be the point lol. Plus it sucks because I want Chuck/Jenny so bad already, but it would too OC I think? And I don't want to piss anyone off. So yeah, if you hate it, sorry. Next would should be more interesting come out sooner.


	12. Saints and Sinners

Part 10

A/N: This is going to be good.

"Coffee For One"

It had been a four days since I left Chuck alone on the sidewalk. I had been trying not to think about, which was a lot harder then I thought it would be. Not only have I been trying not to think about him, but I have always been trying to avoid him; which contradicts the not thinking. Really it was just a big jumbled mess in my head. The only place I ever got to think was when I stopped at Starbucks in the afternoon; sadly that peace didn't last long.

Here I was, being antisocial, alone in the corner of Starbucks. Drinking my mocha with a shot of espresso- honestly I haven't been sleeping well- reading It's Actually A Funny Story to focus on fiction troubles instead of my own. Everything was sadly perfectly like every other day when these two girls took the table in front of me.

They looked strangely familiar, I think they went to Constance with them, you know, once upon a time. Clearly they didn't see me or else I don't think they would be so loud about their upcoming affairs. First it started off as a normal conversation, discussing how one another were doing. Second they got on the subject of boys, of course. It was the third subject that actually caught my attention; a certain party was coming up, and it was thrown by a certain bad boy.

Apparently to celebrate school getting out this upcoming weekend Chuck was throwing a masquerade ball. It was going to be called "Saints and Sinners"; your choice of playing it nice or getting a bit naughty. That sounded like something Chuck would be into. All you needed was a dress and mask, let the night make up the mystery.

For a while I just sat there, listening to all the girls debate what dress they were going to wear or where they were going to get it. Half way through their conversation I would be able to spot these girls solely based on their obnoxious voices, and the fact they wanted to go matching. Just look for the two, loud, matching girls. To bad the masks could hide their voices.

Honestly I had to stop myself from laughing, imagining them pushing their way through the dance floor, hoping to find some desperate guys to dance with them. So many people would be there by the sound of it that it really would be hard to figure out who was who. You could be absolutely anyone, and no one would have a clue...

The thought of going went back and forth in my head, trying to decide if it was worth. In a matter of seconds the answer was clear: I had to go to this party.

Taking one last sip of coffee I stood up and passed the girls without letting them see me (I'd just _hate_ for them to know I was ease dropping the entire time). I threw my cup in the trash and headed out onto the crowded street. Like a bad ass I slid my aviators down to cover my eyes as I made my way to fabric story. An imagine in my head for the perfect dress was already on my mind.

I can't sleep. I can't think. I can't eat. I can't even smile without you crossing my mind, Chuck. At this point I'm a love sick puppy. I don't regret leaving him on the sidewalk, that was a great decision; what I regret is not trying anything after that. This party could be the perfect opportunity to win him back and win him for good.

First I have to go and make the perfect dress; make it a little naughty. Next Saturday night I won't try and be the new, sweet Jenny. No, Saturday I'll be ready to be a sinner.

*Line*

"Vogue and Advice"

My feet were kicked up on the couch; I was taking a break from working on my dress to read Vogue. Besides for being envious of how gorgeous all the models looked, some of the clothes were actually good inspiration for my dress. There were some dresses that were the perfect mix of modern and masquerade. I was even folding the corner of some pages to mark to look back at later. I _was_ aiming for perfection after all.

Right as I flipped to last page I heard the elevator ding. As stealthy as I could I made my body completely flat, holding the magazine up against my chest. Since the sidewalk thing ended so awkward for both him and me, I had been doing my best to avoid him. Actually I hadn't seen him once seen then. I was doing such a good job up until now, and now he might walking straight at me.

It's not that I don't want to see him, obviously I want to see him, just now with this masquerade ball I wanted it to perfect. Steal his breath away with my dress. Make him wonder who the beautiful blonde was. He would fall so hard without even knowing who he was falling for. At least, that's the fairytale I was expecting in my head.

That was when I heard a girly laugh, that almost broke my heart, until I realized I knew that laugh. Pulling myself up, setting the magazine on the coffee table, I looked over towards the elevator. Yep, I was right, there was Blair laughing ever so happily with my brother by her side. Not in a negative way, but I still wasn't understanding this relationship between them. They were so-... Different.

Different. Chuck and I are different, even more different than Dan and Blair were. Why I was being so spectacle of them? Both had such a lovely smile on their face, a real happy one. They were making it work, they were probably even falling in love with each other if they hadn't already. No matter how weird it was, it was cute.

"How do you do it?" I asked out of nowhere. Clearly that caught them off guard, I don't think they even noticed me yet. It was random but I really wanted to know, or here some answer. "Being together after so much, being so different." I stood up and started to walk towards them, actually hoping to have a conversation about it.

The two looked back and forth between each other, as if they were trying to figure out who would respond to me. Oh gosh they were doing that couple thing where they were talking without words, I could tell. How intense were they? How long had this been going on? I won't ask those questions though. Those don't matter, because despite any of that they were good.

Clearing her throat Blair I took a step towards; her hand was still intertwined with Dan's. Her mouth kept beginning to open, then shut again, like she was trying to figure out how to start. Slowly she glanced at Dan, who just her one of those warm smiles even I love. Having a little smile of her own, Blair looked back at me, ready to speak.

"Well... We're really not that different, Jenny." Blair shrugged, her smile growing bigger. Oh I bet her thoughts were filled of all the fun things Dan and her had in common. Thinking about it myself, I guess they did have some things in common. "We like a lot of the same things, and everything we don't have in commons well," she stopped to think for a second, "I guess that's part of what I love about Dan. That we're not identical." Blair looked back at Dan before leaning in and kissing him.

Somehow they found the perfect balance between having things in common and being different. If we dated someone we were identical to, there wouldn't be anything exciting about dating them. Dan and Blair thought the same way, yet their total views were different. They made it blend together.

Of course it just made me think of how Chuck and I could blend together. We had a good amount in common, probably even more if we took the chance to talk again. Still it was obvious we had a lot that separated us, but I can say right now all the ways Chuck was different from me, I adored more than anything. It was what made him him, and he was incredible in his dysfunctional way.

Dan took a step forward, standing next to Blair again, and shot me a confused look. "Why suddenly so curious about us?" I couldn't blame him for asking like that. I did practically find out and then run to my room, ignoring what they were telling me. Said I didn't even care, and now I was showing the exact opposite reaction.

"No reason." I said it like there was no emotion left inside of me, but I felt like breaking some. What sucked was that I couldn't tell anyone about what happened between Chuck and I. To many questions would pop up for a relationship that is slim maybe. There was no need to put myself through more struggle than I was going to have to. If anything ever became real I would definitely tell Dan, but right now wasn't that time.

Right as an awkward moment was about to set in, the phone began to ring. Dan let go of Blair's hand and went over to answer the phone. It was like being saved by the bell, giving me a moment to slowly escape back into my room and back to work on my dress. Except Blair was sort of glancing at me, which it made it a bit awkward with me trying to escape the conversation I started.

As I twirled around to go down the hall to my room, I saw Dan put the phone against his shoulder so the person on the other line couldn't hear him. Oh gosh that means he was either going to say something Blair or I, and when his eyes landed on me it was clear this was not my moment to try and escape.

Even more confused than when I asked him how they made it work, he stared at me, "Jen, Vanya is saying the mask you ordered is downstairs?" Like an overprotective brother he started to walk towards me some, having this look in his eye like he was about to hurt someone. "Are you going to Chuck's party...?" He was saying it like it was such a big deal, like if I went I was going to die or something.

Shrugging I began to walk to the elevator, stopping before entering and turning to Dan. "Yeah, I mean, I'm not invited but I'm going." I laughed as if it wasn't a big deal. Which really it shouldn't be one, but Dan's big brother mode was clearly kicking in. "But what's the big deal? Aren't you guys going?" So he had no right to get upset at me.

"Well, yeah, but..." Dan trailed off like he was deciding what he was about to say next wasn't a good idea; it only made me want to know it even more. Usually your first thought is the most honest one, and I could only imagine what he was thinking right now. "Never mind. You're not fourteen anymore. Ignore me." Just by how the words seem to barely escape his mouth, I knew there was so much more he was dying to say.

A bit of a bitchy smile spread across my lips. This battle I sort of, kind of won. At least he's not going to argue with me. "Thank you." I stepped inside the elevator and pressed the button to go to the lobby. "I'll be okay, promise." I had to throw in. Whether he believed me or not, I would be.

Right as the doors shut all I heard was my brother try and whisper "I'm worried." and then there was total silence as I stood alone. My breathing slowed down with each floor I passed. The back of my throat began to get a little soar as this weird sensation to cry was taking over.

I had been in Hudson for so long. Letters were sweet, phone calls were good, but there was just... Something about hearing my brother say he was worried about me that made me want to cry. Easily I was the luckiest girl to have a brother like him. He was overprotective, he looked out for me, and when needed he was my personal super hero. Dan did so much for me, and I couldn't even bare to tell him I was going to the masquerade to get Chuck.

In my mind it felt like if I told him about Chuck he would only be disappointed in me and my choice, though I didn't exactly choose Chuck I just fell, in guys. I forgot how much Dan's approval could mean to me, but clearly my heart hasn't. True I have gone against his warnings, more than several times, but he always forgave me. Once I get my shit together with Chuck, Dan would be the first to know. He deserves that.

Taking a long, deep breath I fought the soar feeling in my throat and held back the tears. I would have to make sure to not give Dan anything to worry about. I am going to grab my mask. Head back up to the apartment, grab Vogue, go to room, make sure the mask matches my dress, and then start going in to overdrive to make sure I was going to look flawless in my dress when I go to win Chuck over on Saturday.

"I'm Here With You"

_Dark blue, dark blue. Have you ever been alone in a crowded room? Well I'm here with you..._

My head had been spinning this past week. Could you blame me though? Dodging Chuck and making my dress was stressful enough, but there were all those little run-ins with everyone else that added on to the stress. Because whenever I was around other people I had to fake a smile and pretend as if I wasn't going crazy in my head. Which, of course, I was totally going crazy.

What really sucked was I didn't have anyone to gush to about Chuck. True, I could have blabbed to Dan or Erik or maybe even Vanessa, but they wouldn't be able to handle it and freak out. So instead of talking about him to anyone I wrote down in a journal (I refuse to call it a diary) my constant thoughts of him. It helped me keep in check what was fantasy and reality. You know, what actually has a chance of happening what is me obviously day dreaming.

Tonight was special though. A masquerade, pretty much a free card to let anything happen. Masks were a must and your outfit depended if you wanted to show the world if you were a saint or a sinner for the night. For me I was a sinner with the intentions of a saint. Despite all the odds against me for tonight, I think I've fought off enough as it is, and I can win this night over. More importantly, I will be winning Chuck over.

My dress was a dark, dark purple; if there wasn't light on it, it would appear black. There were pickups from the waist down, giving it some character. A slight v-neck went down, showing off what cleavage I had to offer. To give myself even more of a reason to be looked at, silver lace majestically trailed up the side until it hit my stomach and blossomed like a flower.

I was very pleased of how it turned out for something I had a little over a week to work on. Thank god the mask I rush ordered matched as well. Everything leading up tonight was going so well, I will admit, got my hopes up kind of high. It could be a good omen, right? If there was a reason for it to go wrong I would have seen a sign. Or maybe I missed it... Regardless I was about to step into this party and go for it.

Taking a deep breath I walked up to the bouncer at the door. Crap. There was _actually_ a guest list, I couldn't just sneak it. Actually, let's get real. Here I was, a hot girl, dressed up to dress code, batting her long eye lashes ever so innocently. If that couldn't help get me in, guess it would mean going through the back door like last time. You would think I would finally be past that.

Biting my lip while batting my eye lashes I approached the bouncer. Right before I opened my mouth I saw a couple who just walked in. Long, beautiful brown hair on the girl; she was dressed insanely good. With her was a boy with short brown hair; he was also dressed pretty well but nowhere as good as his date. That's when I saw his slightly scuffed up black dress shoes; that was, without a doubt, Dan. And he would have no other girl on his arm than Blair.

Like a light bulb went off in my head, I started to smile sweetly, "I'm with Ms. Waldorf and her date." I stood there while he looked down the list, seeing if there was a plus one with Blair or Dan. "She might not of mentioned it. I'm really just here to hold her stuff while she's off dancing." That sounded pretty believable too. From experience she has made me do stuff like that.

After a minute of the guy continuing to look at the list, then to me, then to list, then to me, and so forth. It was making me get a bit antsy. This could not be my stopping point for the night. That was when I saw him crack the slightest smile, "Head on in before you lose um." He let a cute laugh slip to go with that smile, "Have fun." And like that he went back to being serious with his job.

I shot him a quick smile before heading into the ballroom. When I took my first step in, before I reached the crowds of people, I completely froze. It was like I was Little J again with her first party again. Being away for a year really did make me feel small again. These things were like a bike though, you just have to get back on and start peddling. So with a deep breath I took a stop into the crowded room of everyone I did not know, hoping to find the one I did.

Each step I took led me more into the ocean of masks and outfits. I think I over estimated my capability of finding Chuck. This was a lot more people than the last masquerade, or any other party. Guess as you get older the venues and affairs get bigger too. Though I can't be too surprised, Chuck is one to go all out.

Minute after minute passed by and I was literally getting nowhere. Not only was it sort of impossible to walk past everyone, but whenever a new face passed by it only took me a second to realize it wasn't him. It was driving me insane. At point I started to question if he was even at his own party. Giving up wasn't an option though, even if it meant I stayed here alone while everyone left the dance floor. I was going to find him.

It was amazing how alone I could feel in such a crowded room. Where are you, Chuck? Why won't you find your way to me? Sighing I continued to trudge through all the girls in their big dresses and the guys who were doing their best not to lose their masked girls. It was depressing to be the only one without a partner on the dance floor, so I made my way over to the drinks. A little break wouldn't ruin my chances of finding him.

Right as I turned around to grab some champagne; my body froze. At that moment my eyes gazed over the drinks, the people, and somehow looked right into his. I knew they were his, without a single doubt. His light brown eyes that if you catch them in the right lighting can have a hint of gray, and even from this far away I could see that sparkle in his eyes, the one that gave me butterflies. This was definitely Chuck.

Without a thought I made my way over to him, feeling confident in how amazing I looked right now. As I reached him some nerves started to kick in, nothing I would let stop me from this though, clearly. I took a breath while staring at the ground, gathering up my strength, before I took my final step towards him and all my confidence came rushing in. And the second I looked in his eyes again, I knew I could do this.

"What's an old devil like you doing standing here alone?" I asked in a bit of a seductive voice. I had to get him interested in me, and like everyone knew, Chuck liked the mystery in a girl. Nothing said mystery like an alluring voice (that and I don't want to come off too strong just yet).

His eyes were already on me; my voice was just the final hook. Already a small smirk got on his perfectly pink lips. It was sort of saddening how fast he seemed interested in me, because, well, he didn't know it was _me_. "Waiting for a beautiful angel like you to come over." With those words he took the smallest step closer, but it _was_ a step closer.

With his step, I decided to take a step too. We could play the mime game, I don't think he would mind me doing what he was. "Oh but I'm no angel." I bit my lip only the slightest bit, knowing that would drive him crazy a little bit. Probably wishing he was the one doing it.

Not saying a thing I felt his hand take mine, causing a whirl wind within me. This was going a lot faster than I thought it would, and again it kind of hurt. So quickly he was willing to go after some random girl because she was hot and approached him. Though I did walk in here hoping for that, so I guess my complaining is irrelevant.

People stepped out of our way, like they knew we were important, as we walked back into the ocean I just got out of. When the space on the dance floor became tighter I didn't hesitate to pull my body closer to his. He didn't object at all, placing his hand on my lower back as we began to dance. Our hands were still tightly together; it made me really happy. Here we were, just dance together, not caring who was around or saw- though that wasn't exactly a worry for us.

I was drifting off so much into that moment that I almost missed what Chuck said, "I must have done something right to have a beautiful girl like you find her way to me." Smoothly he twirled me around before pulling me back into his arms. "I can only imagine where this night could go." He winked through his mischievous black mask.

Yes, my heart dropped more seeing him flirting with me thinking I was another girl, but like I said, this was my goal. Never thought I would be so damn good at. I could feel his hand going lower on me already. This was going so easily. Guess Chuck knew how to get girls as well as he knew the back of his hand. Speaking of his hand, he just got it where he wanted it to go: my ass.

Get your head together, Jenny. This was the moment you were aiming. Just go in and do it. Don't think to much or you'll freak yourself out. "Well it can go wherever you want..." I almost whispered out, holding my breath while I began to lean in to kiss him. My eyes were open to see he was leaning in too, and a that moment I knew once our lips touched I wouldn't be able to control myself from being upset.

This was such a bad idea.

"Is that right...?" He whispered back, beginning to lean in closer to me. Our bodies were swaying ever so slowly together, going perfectly to the beat of the music. In a matter of seconds his lips were close to mine. "But I have one question for you." His hand brought me in a little closer, which made everything feel a lot more intense.

Breathing slowly I put on my best poker face grin. Feeling him breathe would not compromise this. The fact his words seemed so sweet wouldn't make me crumble. "And what would a devil like you care to know?" Smirking I brought my face closer to his, like I was testing him to see how close we could get before something actually happened.

At that moment the song stopped, and so did we. My hand was still holding his, and his arm was now holding me by the waist. Neither of us spoke as we looked into each others eyes. I was almost holding my breath, wondering if this was really happening to me right now. It wasn't like I could stare off somewhere to escape the tension. No, our eyes were in a deadlock and all I could do was focus on that sparkle in his eyes. I had to keep myself from holding his hand any tighter. This was more than I could handle.

Chuck leaned in again, only to stop an inch away, causing my mind to go in a whirl. This question, it had to be something good or else he wouldn't be looking at me like this. Finally his lips opened to begin to speak, "How far were you going to go before telling me it was you, Jenny?" And that was when he kissed me ever so slowly, ever so softly, and just so... Perfectly.

Giggling a little I kept on kissing him, playing tag with our lips again. If I could explode of happiness; it would be happening right about now. This plan went about a million times better than I could ever imagine. Not only was I kissing him in the middle of the dance floor, but he knew it was me, _without_ taking off the mask. Nothing could make this better.

After kissing him one last time I got my strength together to pull away. I tried to hide my dorky smile, but I'm afraid I looked quite foolish. You know what though? I'm over it. Now wasn't the time to call myself foolish. I just designed a dress, snuck into some ball to go after a guy and to get him go after me; though he had no clue it was me. That was foolish and it turned out great.

"Until I got to kiss you," I laughed a little; leaving out the part that if I kissed him without him knowing it was me, I was going to cry. Feeling more comfortable I brought my body as close as I could to his. As we slowed down, I rested my head on his shoulder. "I felt so alone in this crowded room." Up until I found him.

Unexpectedly I felt his lips touch my forehead, something that just caught me off guard. Not in a bad way but I have never really imagined Chuck sweet and soft that way. As the past few weeks have proven though, there was a lot to him I wouldn't have guessed. "Well I'm here with you..." Chuck's words faded away as he pulled me in and we continued to dance together.

Before I knew it everything seemed to fade away. All the people around us disappeared in my eyes. All the music and noise started to slowly fade too; all I could hear was him breathing. The only one I could see, the only one I could concentrate on, was holding me right now. Nothing, and I mean _nothing_, else seemed to matter than Chuck's arms being around me.

I still couldn't believe this was actually happening. What were odds? Clearly I had been on his mind the past couple weeks like he was on mind. Something I need to realize and really accept is, as well as I get to know him, I'll never be able to read his mind. He was random and emotional just like everyone else, and some things weren't worth questioning. That included this very moment.

No questions, just him.

*Line*

"As Long As I Have You"

I was leaning against my door, messing with Chuck's bow tie, with the dimly lit hallway. No one else was home yet, so it was just the two of us. The masks were off because, let's get real, they weren't needed anymore once we were in the apartment and knew we were alone. Finally it gave me the chance to see his face; a sight I have been missing for weeks.

"Is this where you kick me out again?" Chuck slightly laughed, still giving me that winning grin. It was hard to tell if he was being serious or not. The grin was a yes, but his eyes still seemed innocent, like he wouldn't mind if I turned him around right now.

My decision had been made a while ago though, if we got in this position, what I would say. Before I thought it would a bit hasty, but it really wouldn't. You never know... "No, I think you earned your way inside." I kissed him once before turning around and opening the door. Even though I was nervous, my mind going a million miles per hour, this was a good idea. I knew it was.

Carefully I started to take off my dress as I heard him close the door behind himself. I zipped it down the rest of the way and let it fall to the floor, exposing me in my skimpy lingerie (yes, I planned ahead in case it came to this). I gathered all my confidence and went over to my bed, taking a seat at the end of it; staring up at him as he walked over in front of me.

With slightly shaking hands I went and undid his bow tie, just throwing it to the inside like I didn't care. When he leaned down to kiss me I began to undo the buttons on his shirt. Soon that was off and onto the floor as well. Seeing him shirtless was a bit intimidating; he definitely had been working out. Next were his pants...

Gently he pushed me down and got on top of me. My hands were feeling his chest, still in a bit of shock of how great it felt. His hands were doing the same with me; feeling up every part of my body. This didn't feel like last time. It felt a million times better. This was the first time that I've gone this far with a guy and actually felt like I wanted to be doing this.

The world could be burning down, but as long as I have you... I think I'll be okay.


	13. Cuddling, Forgetting, and Hipsters

Part 11

"Rude Awakening"

My eyelids began to flutter open to the sunlight that was seeping through my window. From what little I could see, it appeared to still be a bit early. Good, that meant no one would come in and bother me any time soon. I could naturally wake up on my own pace. Waking up in a nice, quiet, relaxing environment and-

Chuck. Right. How could I forget the handsome guy whose chest I was resting my head on? Which, by the way, was better than any pillow I have ever slept on. Waking up next to someone was weird, and it made me realize I have never experienced that before. When Chuck and slept together for the first time we never fell asleep. On top of that I never slept with anyone or even fallen asleep with a guy while cuddling. It was weird to think about.

Now was not even the time to think about the fact the first guy I'd ever cuddled and fell asleep with was also the guy who stole my virginity. No, I would not look at any part of our relationship like that. It did feel really nice to have his arms around me though; knowing he chose to fall asleep like that. More than anything, it was just nice he was here.

My eyes began to shut again; I wanted to fade back into a light sleep and stay like this for a while longer. I never had felt so comfortable in my life, and I wanted to absorb this feeling as much as I could. Our breathing started to get in sync as my thoughts disappeared. Everything was continue to be perfect... Until there was a bang on my door that caused my entire body to fling upwards.

"Jen! Get your butt out of bed!" I heard Dan laugh through the door. I could never understand how he could be such a morning person. Guess once he become so happy, everything become better as well. "We're all out here eating breakfast, come join us." With that I heard his body stop leaning on my door as he began to walk away back towards the kitchen.

I took a couple deep breaths, trying to get my heart to calm down again and not be in panic mode. Sadly I don't think there's a single way I would be able to go back to that kind of paradise this morning. Now both my mind and heart was racing at high speeds. At least I had that moment while it lasted; something I can look back on and remember peacefully. I'll just have to figure out a way to get that kind of peace again.

I doubt Chuck would mind another sleepover. Speak of the devil...

As I looked down, there he was wide awake, propping himself up on his elbows. Even after waking up he looked so handsome with that charm that always seemed to be with him. "Nice wake up call you got there." Chuck smirked with his words before leaning up and kissing my neck.

That made me roll my eyes, except it did feel amazing having his lips on my skin. Even after last night I can't get over how great it feels to have his lips on me. I can't even get over the feeling when his skin touches mine. "Well I'm just lucky my brother was polite enough to knock and not just barge in." I chuckled, falling back onto my bed. That would have been _so_ bad if Dan walked in.

While I fell back on my bed Chuck crawled over, on top of me. Our eyes were in a brief lock before he leaned down and kissed me nice and slow. My arms wrapped around his neck, pulling him down a bit teasingly to kiss him more. It was nice to feel like I was a little bit in control, though I think it's obvious he's the one who can pull on the strings. Including his hands running down my body again.

His lips left mine and went to my neck again. Quietly he whispered out to me, "We should have a repeat of last night." Which made me instantly begin to nod my head; it was like he read my mind. Than again, it was Chuck, and he's a guy. I bet that was on his mind the second we stopped. That's when the most adorable laugh came out, "Like right now."

With that I rolled out from under him, holding back my giggling. So this was what Chuck was like the morning after. Energetic like an excited puppy or something. It was oddly one of the cutest things I have ever seen, and as much as I would love to enjoy that right now, I can't. I had Dan and who knows who else out there waiting for me, and me alone, to come out and eat breakfast with them.

"No." I laughed some more, throwing my legs over the edge of the bed. 'No' was a word he would have to learn to deal with when it came to me. I wasn't going to bend that easily this time. Now where were my comfy pajamas? Everything on my floor was a mess.

Right as I leaned forward to grab my comfy shorts, I felt Chuck pulling me back down. Shaking my head I hit his arms away; it gave me a chance to stand up and grab my shorts. As I put him on though, he took my hand; kissing it. It was sweet, but then he started to pull me closer again. Playing along I leaned in, giving him a small kiss. Chuck's grip finally loosened, so with a smirk I quickly pulled away.

Grabbing one of my shirts I started backing up for the door, feeling for it with one of my hands as I walked. "You stay here and hide out while eat breakfast or something. Just don't get caught in here." Honestly I wasn't sure what to say. He couldn't get spotted in here, but leaving would be a pretty difficult task. Guess I would just let him figure that part out.

Flashing one more smile I left my room, shutting the door tightly behind myself, and headed out towards the kitchen. Breakfast included: Dan, Blair, and Erik. My father and/or Lily was probably not far behind; I could hear him laughing down the other hall. It would be smart to be on my best behavior, because I can just see Serena with or without Nate randomly appearing to put a damper on my day.

I loved this place, and it rocked living here (especially now with Chuck literally only being a few doors down), but sadly the bitch still lived here too. Why do I have this feeling I have a better chance of leaving, moving out, before she does? Seriously Serena, you've relied on your parents more than any one of us. Even Erik is more independent than you are.

The fact she used Nate to mess with my heart has nothing to do with all my hatred; that's just stuff I've saved up from the past I never really got a chance to express.

"Hey everyone, sorry that took me a while." I laughed, taking a seat next to Erik who was cutting up some waffles. Oh waffles... How I have missed you pulling my family together one breakfast at a time. "Literally had to wrestle out of bed." Literally, and they would never know.

Dan just rolled his eyes, bringing over a plate of waffles to me before sitting across from me; next to Blair of course. He just rolled his eyes as he drank some of his coffee. "Yeah, I'm sure it was a struggle, Jen." Sarcasm went ever so fluently with his voice. Obviously he thought I was just being lazy and refusing to wake up like every other teenager alive.

Like normal I ignored his sarcasm and began to cut up my waffle. I've learned to just let Dan's usually weak attempts at jokes or humor to go past me without an effect on me. Half smiling at Blair and him, kind of giving them this knowing look, I stole the syrup away and poured it everywhere on my plate. When it came to breakfast, I pigged out.

I was half way done with my waffles, leaning on my elbows (probably not the most lady-like position ever), staring at my plate and the shapes the syrup morphed in to. Made me flashback to when I was little and my entire family got together. Family (past tense): Dad, mom, Dan, and me. Family (present tense): Dad, Lily, Dan, Chuck, Erik, Serena, me, and Blair(?). Funny how something as simple as breakfast could distract my mind. Not like I had much to say in the conversations happening around me anyways.

But that's when I heard Blair gasp. Everyone's eyes went shooting away from whatever they were looking at to her. One hand was covering her mouth, like she was in complete shock. That's when I noticed her eyes were on me. Slowly, trying to figure out what was around me or possibly on me, I looked around to see what made her gasp.

When I looked back to her a small grin was starting to appear on her lips. Then, randomly, she started to laugh... A lot. Blair pulled herself together, still keeping a grin, and pointed towards me. "Um, Jenny, did you have fun last night?" My eyes tried following to where she was pointing, but it was at my neck.

Quickly I grabbed my phone to use as a mirror to reflect the spot. Right where she was pointing, on my neck, was a hickey. A round, perfect lip size, hickey. All the color raced out of my face, leaving bright pink to remaining on my cheeks. Shit.

I looked back at them trying to look innocent, but it was to no avail. Dan was already leaning over the table to get a closer look. "Jenny... What did you do last night?" He already had a disapproving tone in his voice, before even knowing. Well, if he did know I would get more than a disapproving tone in his voice. Of course he had to throw in, "This is why I didn't want you to go to the party."

Right as he said that my dad walked in. With lightening speed I put my elbow down on the table, my hand on my neck covering the hickey, and put that sweet, little girl smile my dad loved so much. There was no way in hell my dad was going to see a hickey on my neck. No, just no. I might be a little reckless and taking risks, but I still want my dad to believe I'm back to being a good girl.

"You didn't want her to what, Dan?" Rufus asked, sipping his coffee lightly. He was such an Upper East Sider now; it was sort of cute. He walked over and took a seat at the end of the table, grabbing the news paper and starting to unfold. Made me think he wasn't too invested in hearing an answering from Dan.

Regardless, I didn't want him to hear Dan give him one. I hopped out of my seat, went over to my dad, kissed him on the cheek, and stepped away from everyone. "Nothing." I shot Dan a glare like he better not rat on me, or else I'd rat on him and Blair. Actually... I wouldn't, that was to good, I would hold that on to that for desperate measures only. "I actually have plans for today, so I will-" My words stopped faster than my brain could process.

Walking down the opposite hallways from mine was Serena, flipping her hair back so flawlessly like she always did. She walked like there wasn't a care in the world; for her there probably wasn't. She got Nate and hurt me, not as much as she wanted though. Bet she thought that Chuck related slump I got in for two weeks was due to her. If she did, then let her have it, I could care less at this point.

Still seeing her made me freeze. Guess it will always hurt that through everything that we've gone through (her protecting me from Blair, dating Dan, being my sister), we've come to these terms. True, some of it is my fault, but I came with friendship and hopes of starting over; Serena came with a loaded gun and bad intentions.

My mouth was about to open to excuse myself when the dreaded moment I was waiting for... Nate walking out of Serena's room right after her. He looked as charming as ever; hair already styled, his shirt showing off his muscles perfectly, and over everything else he had that slight smile/grin that always caught my eye. Call me childish, but it sucked to see him so happy.

"Morning." Was all Serena said before walking over to the table, grabbing an apple off the table. Yes, avoid the carbs sweetie. She took one big crunch out of it before turning around and heading back to Nate; giving him a long, sweet kiss for all of us to see.

Rolling my eyes I didn't waste another second of my time around her. I would of given her the bird if my entire family wasn't around. I marched my way back to my room, letting a long sigh escape once the door was shut and was behind my back. Before I could deal with her and Nate I needed to be happier with myself. With Chuck in my life and everything else falling into place, I think I'll be able to see her without wanting to bitch slap soon enough.

Hopefully.

*Line*

"A Brief Chat"

I hummed along to my iPod as I waited in the elevator to reach the lobby. Kind of made me realize how much time I spend in this little metal box. Whatever, the second I get out I get to see Chuck. During breakfast he sneaked out of my room and into his own, leaving me a note saying we'd meet up later. Well this was later.

When the doors dinged open I practically jumped out. This time it wasn't because I was nervous or scared, but because I was just excited to see him. Shamelessly I'll admit that I have fallen for him, fallen extremely hard as a matter of fact. This time would be different though; I knew it would.

You know that feeling you get in your stomach when you're one hundred percent sure? When you're so extremely positive about something, that even if you were wrong or a little off, no one question you about it because you believe in it so much. Well that is exactly how I feel. I'm so sure that this is right that nothing could make me believe it's wrong. More importantly I was going to prove to Chuck that I'm ready for something real, and make him know as sure as I was, that he should have something real with me.

Anyways, I was right about to leave when I heard someone calling my name. First thought: great. Right as I was about to escape. Never the less I put on a smile and turned around, as long as it wasn't Serena I think I would be okay. I just wasn't in the mood to be yelled at something I didn't do.

But to my surprise it was Blair... And she was alone. No Dan holding her hand, walking next to her, waiting a few feet away, nothing. Weird that I now found the fact they weren't together weird. Can't blame me; every since I got back one was always with the other. Only difference from then and now is that I know they are always together because they're _together._ Which I actually like more, as odd as that might sound since I was at first so weirded out by them.

Regardless, there she was alone, approaching me at full speed with that Blair-like smile on her face. "Jenny, I'm so glad I caught you before you left. I need to talk to you." Without a response she took my hand and pulled me over to the chairs; taking a seat and waiting patiently for me to do the same.

Awkwardly I took a seat across from her, giving her a smile back. Was it wrong that I was just worrying about how long this would take? Chuck was waiting. "Need to talk to me?" I asked a bit intrigued, leaning forward. "What's wrong?" Because other than something being wrong, I didn't have a clue to why she would want to talk to me.

"Who gave you that hickey?" Blair asked so bluntly, with a soft but serious tone in her voice. It wasn't even in a cute, giggly what's-the-scoop-on-the-guy way. She just wanted a straight out response, no ifs, buts, or maybes. That was new.

With more awkward tension then before I began to laugh, trying to stall my answering. What was I going to say to that? Obviously I couldn't say Chuck, for multiple reasons, or she would freak. Instead I shrugged, "I met this guy at the masquerade. We hooked up on the staircase, it was nothing." Boy that made me sound slutty... oh well.

For a while there was silence between us. Her eyes were looking at me like she was going to say more, but her lips were sealed tight. So in the lobby of my apartment we had a stare off, blinking was allowed, yet it seemed like neither of were going to take that risk; like we might miss something if we did. As desperately as I wanted to leave, I had this feeling I shouldn't. There had to be more to this coincidental run-in in the lobby.

"Fine." Was all Blair said before standing up and taking a step away from me. She took one step to the right, then stopped. Her eyes went right back on me, and again she turned her body towards me. Seeing her standing like that while I was sitting down was a bit intimidating. "Oh, and I've wondering, what were you planning for your birthday next week? I have some ideas if you wanted help."

"What...?" Came out of my mouth probably too confused. Wait, next week... Next Saturday, it _was_ my birthday. How could I possibly forget that?

I was turning 18.

*Line*

"Coffee For Two"

With a smile on my face I entered the small, filled with hipsters coffee shop. Though I did not understand how Chuck could possibly of found this place, I could tell _why_ he chose the place. It was empty, filled up with people who wouldn't have a clue who we were. The perfect place to be alone and show affection without having judging eyes on us.

Yeah, I wanted to be some type of a couple, but for now being more on the secret side was not a problem. We still needed to discuss and figure out this whole 'us' thing. Get his opinion on how he saw us, what he wants to tell people, when he wanted to tell people. Telling was a must, I've learned long term secrets only do damage, but if he wanted to take some time I was okay with that.

Happily I sat across from the devilishly handsome guy, also know Chuck. Funny how it was the same guy from this morning, just in different lightening. He still looked perfect to me. When he looked up from his phone and saw it was me, a little smile formed on his lovely lips, and I swear I have never seen him put away his phone so quickly. It was a pleasant surprise.

Chuck's eyes stayed on me, and once again I was in a moment of pure silence with someone. With Chuck though it didn't seem weird. Actually I liked the way he was looking at me; his eyes seemed so calm and carrying. That was when he spoke some of the sweetest words I have ever heard, "I'm trying to decide if you look better now, or how you did in the morning." All of that sounded sincere too.

Almost instantly my cheeks started to go pink. I'm not use to being complimented, not like this, from a guy I actually really liked. "You're just saying that..." There was no way he could be deciding if I looked better now or from the morning. He probably liked me in the morning because I was closer to being naked that way.

"I'm not, Jenny." There was something about the way he said my name that beat all others. It felt so real and sweet; just something I'm not use to. "That's kind of why I wanted to see you, and talk about..." He stopped and looked right at me, "This." Yeah, I didn't like how he said that.

Honestly that made me want to panic. He called it "this", not even "us". He wanted to talk about "this", as if we were more of a "moment" than a "thing". Does that make sense? Yes? No? Well t was making me want to freak out a little. Man I really wish I had gotten my coffee so I could mess with it and pretend to be looking at it instead of having to look right at him.

Afraid to speak I just stayed silent, nodding my head slightly so he'd continue to talk about, as he said: this. When I saw his lips began to open my eyes closed really fast, like I was trying to make it stop, but I knew that wouldn't happen. "I like you, Jenny, and since you've gotten back I've finally began to feel happy again." Chuck's voice sounded vulnerable, I knew admitting something like that couldn't of been easy from him. He's always acting as if he was unbreakable, but in reality I feel like he's the most breakable one of us all.

"That's why I don't want to screw this up," He continued with a slight shake in his voice, showing some of his nerves in being so honest. Everyone second he became more... Real. Still he was incredible, but not as impossible as he always seemed to act."It took me over two years to tell Blair I loved her, and we just ended up falling apart. Everything was a game and both of us had to much pride to be honest."

His warm hands from holding his coffee took my cold ones; making our hands meet at a lukewarm temperature, it was great. Our hands fit perfectly together, I couldn't help but notice. Add to my list: hands fighting perfectly together, one of the best feels imaginable. It made it feel like everything was meant to be. Might be a stretch for simply holding a person's hand, but if you've ever had the experience you know it counts for more than it appears to be.

Before I could even start to talk, Chuck continued. "I just want to make sure that when you're ready to say-" Abruptly he stopped. His eyes seemed to get foggy in confusion, like he was planning his next words very carefully; which I didn't blame him for. "Something that important you're not afraid to say it." Lightly he shrugged, "Because I'm tired of running... and I wouldn't mind stopping for you."

Without a word I let go of his hands and stood up. I took a quick glance around the coffee shop, all the hipsters were nose deep on their tumblrs or their wannabe different coffee that's really just coffee. Yeah, no one was paying attention at all, so in a way we were alone. I made my way over to him, giving him a small, yet sweet, smile before taking a seat on his lap.

Slowly I ran my fingers through his hair, looking in those beautiful hazel eyes. Looking in his eyes I saw three people: who he was, who he actually is, and everything he could possibly be. The options were endless. I tilted my head and leaned in; kissing him. I put my arms around his neck, leaning in and kissing him harder.

With a slightly confused look on my face I pulled away from him. I took another moment to observe him; I'm sorry but I could look at his face forever, until I memorized it exactly. That's when I couldn't help but laugh, "Who are you? What did you do with Chuck Bass?" I joked, simply because this guy was much different than the guy I met four years ago, but I knew it was him.

"Why? Do you want him back?" Chuck's voice was quiet as he stroked my lightly pink cheek. He was constantly making me blush, it was embarrassing. He didn't really seem to mind though. According to him earlier he thought I was possibly even more beautiful in the morning than I was now.

Quickly, maybe a little _too_ fast, I shook my head no. "Um, not exactly." I giggled a bit while we looked at each other. It than hit me I was still on his laptop, hipsters or no hipsters, people would start to pay attention to us soon enough. With a smile I stood back up and went back to my seat. I cleared my throat, trying to get back on a more serious note; not so giggly. "My birthday is next week."

It was a total topic change, and I actually didn't mean to say it, but it kind of slipped out. After Blair told me it was going around my mind. First off I was confused how I could even forget my own birthday, it's kind of a big deal. I guess with everything happening though it wasn't like I had a count down going. My main goal was surviving coming home, and that then turned into winning over Chuck. Now that he was pretty much won, for now at least, my mind did wonder back to the normal things girls seem to always fuss about.

Clearly that caught Chuck off guard because his entire facial expression changed. His eyes widened up and he leaned back in his chair. All that lovey-dovey stuff just took it's time to drift away. I could tell by the way his lips were twitching that he was trying to figure out what to say. You can roll your eyes, but it was another thing I found cute.

"So what are you going to do for it?" Chuck picked up his almost black coffee and began to drink it again. Obviously he wasn't as excited for it as I was. Guess parties got boring after a while for him, but this was different, this was the birthday that set me free. I mean, it's eighteen. Maybe he forgot about how big of a deal it felt to be turning that silly little number.

I realized I had to chose my next words carefully. I could bring up the fact Blair had offered to help plan the whole thing and already had a million ideas (which I found kinda silly because it wasn't her thing at all), or I could completely live out the fact that she was the one who even reminded me I was getting older. Things like this you have to play your cards right, and quite frankly I've never been that great at card games. Especially ones that required a lot of strategy.

Thinking hard I subconsciously started to bite my lip. Eventually I would have to play all my cards, right? So why not just get the difficult ones out of the way? Blair offered to help plan my birthday... Because she wants to be friends... Because she's dating my brother... And sort of in love with him. Yeah, thinking through I think I'll hold off on any of that.

If I sat here though I knew I would let it all spill. There was something about the relaxing vibe from the coffee shop and capability of showing public display of affection that made it feel like secrets could escape easily. Or it could do with the fact that after he told me not to be afraid to say those three little, but crucial, words I wanted to tell him everything. Everything about me, everything I knew, except we definitely weren't in the place to do that now.

How long had I been quiet? Probably awkwardly too long. I didn't even have an answer for his question yet too. Still thinking of a response, I leaned over and kissed him again. That was always a great way to stall. Plus I didn't really mind it either. That's when I got it.

Grinning I pulled away and stood, "You'll have to wait and see." Also known as I have no clue, but it sounds more mysterious. "Just make sure you're there." Which means I'm going to kidnap you and make out with you for, like, half of it. That got me out of awkwardly talking to people I didn't like and it gave me time to be with him. Not like anyone would notice I was gone anyways, even though it would be my party. Happened before, it'll happen again.

"I won't miss it." Oh there was that smirk of his which made you know he was up to no good. Now I couldn't wait to see what that might be about. As innocent as he was become, it was obvious he was still a bit of a bad boy at heart; which I didn't actually mind. It kept things interesting.

I just rolled my eyes, taking a step away from our table. "Our first official date is done, I have to go plan." I laughed sweetly, trying so hard not to blush more. It was hard. Those damn butterflies kept twirling around in my stomach whenever he looked at me like that (or just in general sometimes). "Bye." I did cute little wave before walking out; knowing he was watching me walk away.

Blair better have some good ideas, because I have none. How hard could it be? Champagne (which is funny because I'm 18 and not 21, but like that's ever stopped us), fancy food that some cater will make (sorry, dad, but chile won't cut, plus it didn't go over well for my last birthday), re-arrange the furniture to be more party orientated (which I assume we'd just hire someone for), flowers, decorations, whatever. Pretty much all of this we just hire people for (I'm no longer that girl from Brooklyn, that's for sure...). What do I know though? I probably really needed Blair.

But you know what I can say with complete confidence? This could all go terribly wrong, everyone could hate me again, Serena could make a scene, really all of it could go wrong, but as long as my family is happy and Chuck shows up... It will be the best party I've ever had.

Another birthday party... Cross your fingers for me.

*Line*

A/N: So I tried to get this out on the 26th, because if you didn't know, it was Taylor Momsen's 19th birthday! But a lot of stuff came up and, yeah. I was planning on doing a birthday part, and then Taylor's birthday came up and seemed fitting to do one now.

FYI: I feel like I should warn you guys, just so you know, my oldest brother is moving out this week down to LA so having time to write might be difficult because my free time will be hanging with him before he leaves or helping him pack. Also for future references (and I'll probably mention it as it gets closer) my dad's wedding is coming up so there might be things revolving around that interfere with writing. Then in October (so not for a while) my other brother is leaving for the Air Force, so I'll be slow around then too. I don't know if you guys are even reading this, but it's just so you know .

**Peace! I have a lot planned! Like... The entire story... haha**


	14. When Things Keep Getting Worse

Part 12

A/N: Honestly I can't believe I found the time or energy to write this. So please just ignore any grammar errors or possibly missing words. I wrote this jacked up on Starbucks, late at night, and helping my brother pack (who is now gone so that sucks).

Anyways! This is pretty good I think, but let me know what you think. Enjoy~

"Carrot Cake"

Here we were, Blair and I, sitting across from one another at the kitchen table. A sight that once would intimidate me to no end, was now like any other event of my day. I had gotten use to it. Blair was no longer terrifying. When I saw her I didn't go to the side like she was a car and would just run me over if I didn't. Instead I would flaunt her a slight smile, get an acknowledging nod back, and just walk down the hall. At this point she was actually more like a friend.

Who would of thought that one day we would be friends? Though I guess you could ask a lot of questions like that. Things have worked out in ways I feel like no one saw coming. I mean, come on, I'm secretly dating Chuck Bass. No one, not even myself in a million years, thought that would even be a possibility. Despite all these unbelievable outcomes (my brother is dating the girl he once despise more than anything else; loved her even), life seemed better than I could have ever imagined too.

Right now though I had to force a smile as I barely glanced at the papers Blair was handing me. All this stuff about the party, that quite frankly I could care less about. Yeah, I wanted to have an incredible party, but putting in all this effort was driving me crazy. It was _one_ night. One night that probably would amount to nothing but gossip that would fade in a few weeks. I guess I haven't learn to love this part of parties yet. Maybe one day...?

Yeah, probably not.

"Alright, so now let's move on to cakes." Blair smiled pleasantly to me; obviously not realizing my smile was working hard to show. Seeing her smile though was a bit comforting. It made me feel like all of this would be handled with and I wasn't alone trying to figure this out, because she made it clear I wasn't. "There's the normal; chocolate, vanilla, strawberry-" suddenly Blair stopped as her eyes widened up, "Carrot cake. Doesn't that just sound amazing?"

I honestly had to fight back a bit of laughter, and that smile wasn't so forced anymore. Seeing her get so excited and saying it like that was just amusing. "Carrot cake? For my 18th birthday?" A laugh accidentally slipped out, causing me to put my hand over my mouth. She was being so sweet, I didn't want to offend her weird choice in cake. "As delicious as that sounds," which it didn't, "I was actually thinking more on the vanilla side. It's plane, simple, everyone loves it."

Blair's eyebrows scrunched together as she looked back and forth between me and the list of cakes. She was so concentrated on whatever thought was going through her mind. My head tilted, trying to figure out what it might be. There was such determination in her eyes it made me curious. Seriously, Blair, it was a list of cakes, not a piece of paper that was in another language (sorry, but that was the best analogy I could think of with that look on her face).

Finally her eyes stopped going back and forth and stopped at me. Smiling more, probably glad her mind had decided on whatever. "We'll get a big vanilla one and then a carrot one too." Blair said it like a statement, like I didn't even have a say about it. You know, I expected her to take control all of this, but I did not guess it would be over cake.

Politely I cleared my throat, leaning over the table to get closer to her. I really did not want to come off as ungrateful or anything, so I would be as sweet as possible about it. Really it wasn't even a big deal, I just didn't understand what the big deal was. "Blair, like no one is going to want carrot cake. Why would you possibly think that that's a good idea?" I laughed a little, hoping it would help my question seem less intrusive.

Out of nowhere Blair kind of just lashed out, "Because it sounds good! Okay?" A long, irritated sigh came out of her lips as she suddenly stood up. Quickly she gathered all the papers on the table. Even the way she picked up the papers was snappy and upset. Once everything was in her hand she took a long breath, closing her eyes, and speaking gently again. "Don't worry about any of this, Jenny. I will finish it up. Just go have fun."

With one of those winning Blair smiles, she picked up all the papers and began to make her way down the hall to Dan's room. Alright, thanks Blair! I'm not sure what you're deal is right now, maybe you just need some time to relax. Whatever the case, she'll have her carrot cake, I won't argue with that.

But seriously... Carrot cake? Why is she so determined on carrot cake? Is it just me, or are we all getting a lot weirder as we get older too?

"When Your Present Runs Away"

The apartment was booming (is that a lame phrase to use? It feels lame) with a bunch of people I've probably only glanced at before. They were the in-crowd though, and apparently that meant I had to try and woo them into liking me. You know how the social ladder works around here; you had to had to be better than anyone else for just one night to even make the slightest mark in staying that way.

Honestly I could care less what people thought of me, I'm sure I've said that before, but really this was for Blair. Hanging out with her the past couple of days to plan this, despite how weird she was being, was nice and ,dare I say, fun. The fact Dan and her haven't gone public yet after god knows how many months, was sort of a clear sign that being on the top of the ladder was still a big deal. So if I was on top as well it would help the blow when they let their secret slip.

And this no offense to Dan, he's a great guy and people appreciate him way more then when he was in high school, but this relationship was just so bizarre it was clear there would be instant disapproval. I mean, I could be totally wrong, but I'd rather be careful. Blair was a really sweet, nice person (now). She was looking out for me, might as well attempt to do the same.

Back to the party: everyone seemed to be enjoying themselves. The champagne was quite good, and I must admit, Blair was good at what she did. The living room looked fantastic, I never realized how much went into simply rearranging and adding some pieces of furniture. On top of that, the music was great; no crappy music that no one knows how to react to. Everything was going more perfectly than I even imagined it would.

One thing was missing though: Chuck. I only caught a slight glimpse of him when it was an hour into the party. Ever since then I've been keeping my eye out, but somehow I kept missing him. It sucked because the main part of this party I was looking forward to was being with him, though I guess it makes sense he hadn't approached me yet. We were together, but we weren't _together_. If we were spotted hanging out people would assume really fast... And they would assume right.

Their assumptions wouldn't be bad, they might actually just help getting it out there, but we hadn't agreed on going public or anything. Sure we would tell everyone eventually, that was a must. My birthday party probably wasn't the time or place though; to many people finding out around me when it happens. Plus Dan would be hurt if he found out like everyone else that I was with Chuck (or just with someone in general; his big brother mode would kick in).

My eyes wondered around the room more, searching for Chuck. I wanted to talk to him, at least for a second or two. No one would find that suspicious, though we might get a few weird looks; that was a given. Right as I looked over at the stairs I spotted him. A huge smile went spreading across my face as he looked at me too. He got a grin on his face as me made his way over, but suddenly he stopped and turned around, going the other way.

What the hell?

That's when I saw what made him turn away: Blair was walking straight towards me. Seriously? Literally the one moment during this party she _had_ to talk to me was now. That killed me. She had such horrible timing without even knowing it. Whatever, I've faked smiled so much already that this couldn't kill me, but after this Chuck was mine regardless.

"Hey, Blair! How are you liking your creation?" I smiled, grabbing two glasses of champagne. I could rush this conversation yet make it seem sincere if I tried hard enough. Offering a glass of champagne always helped conversation. "Champagne?" I took a small sip while I nodded my head, "You're right. This is by far the best champagne I've ever had." Like no joke.

Almost instantly Blair took the drink... And set it back down on a waiter's tray as they walked by. Wow. Did I do something wrong? "I've had it a million times, I don't need more." She had an annoyed tone in her voice. I was hoping it wasn't because of anything I did, having Blair's wrath on me again did not sound like a fun idea. "I was just checking on you, make sure the birthday is actually enjoying herself." Saying that, she did smile, obviously trying to sound happier.

No, I was not enjoying myself. I was a little bit, everyone was complimenting me on how great I looked and how amazing the party was. Whether those compliments were fake or real didn't matter, hearing things like that always caused a tiny smile to get on my lips. A few compliments never hurt a girl.

"I am Blair, I really am. I owe you big time." That I did, because despite the fact it wasn't my ideal party, she did her very best to make me happy. Not many people do that, especially around here. Being back now, all of that appreciation for what others will do for you was coming back to me pretty fast. I was lucky to have so many people on my side (for now).

"Any time." Blair flashed me a slight grin. Before walking away she took a longing glance at the champagne; quickly giving up on it and just walking away. Walking away she barely had as much confidence as she normally did. Something was off with her, and it was becoming more and clear every day I spent with her.

Sighing I chugged the rest of my champagne. Getting a little tipsy would not hurt this situation, especially if the pace didn't pick up. I think I'll sneak away back to my room, lay down for a few minutes. No one would notice the fact I was gone anyways, everyone is to busy having a fabulous time. If I took a minute to myself it wouldn't disturb anything.

Setting the champagne glass down on the coffee table I started to make my way back to my room. It sucked my one highlight of night was scared off by Blair approaching. My chances of seeing Chuck tonight were probably lost. Oh well...

Right as I passed the bathroom I felt a tug on my arm that then became a yank; pulling me right into the bathroom. The door shut and I was pushed against it. My gasp was cut off by lips touching mine. Because of reflex I almost smacked him away, but once I saw Chuck's eyes looking into mine, I stopped; completely froze.

This was the kind of birthday surprise I was hoping for. Slowly I closed my eyes, wrapping my arms around his neck. I could kiss him forever, so when our kiss ended I wasted no time to kiss him once again. Not like he was going to object to that...

Finally I did let our lips part, making my way over to the counter. Grinning I hopped up and looked over at him, sort of signaling him with my eyes to make his way over to me. When he did, I took him by the collar, taking a moment to look him in the eyes. I just wanted to see the way they sparkled; I had missed that so much. All the simple things were driving me insane being without them.

I caressed his cleanly shaven face with my hand, a quiet laugh escaping for no real reason at all. "Best birthday present I've gotten." And there was no way anything could beat it. In a weird way this was super romantic. Getting pulled away from my peers to be kissed in the bathroom (yes, the location could have been better, but the gesture was still adorable).

Chuck laughed, putting his arms around my waist, his entire body getting closer to mine. "I don't know, I think I saw a copy of Fifty Shades of Grey out there." Smirking he winked at me. Out of reflex though I gasped, and instead of caressing his face I slapped his cheek lightly. He did not just say that. "What? I heard it's an amazing piece of literature." It was hard to tell if he was being sarcastic or not. Something was telling me he wasn't.

"Right. I'm sure you would think so." Of course Chuck would adore the book series based all around sex. All I did was roll my eyes, deciding to over look that comment. "Can you just... Shut up and kiss me?" Because right now that was all I wanted for my birthday.

Nodding ever so slowly he pulled me in closer by my legs, leaning in and kissing me. My hands left his neck and instead ran through his heavenly soft hair. As he kissed me harder, my legs wrapped around his waist. It was the perfect make out position, and if it wasn't my birthday with like a hundred people outside this bathroom I would let this go further in a heart beat.

"What the hell is going on?!" Was screeched from Blair who was standing in the bathroom doorway. Her voice, her screaming, caused Chuck and mine bodies go in complete opposite directions. Chuck literally ran backwards into the wall behind him. My face must of gone ultimately pale simply because I was completely mortified.

Without even another word Blair put her hands up, staying frozen as she continued to look back and forth between us, and began to storm away. What happened to she was totally over Chuck? Being all lovey, dovey with Dan? All these questions and fears started rushing through my head, causing my stomach to go in knots.

Right when I thought this moment could get worse, Chuck decided to yell after her, "Blair! Wait!" With only a glance at me he darted out of the bathroom and after Blair. Just ran right out, not even a second thought going through his mind about it; I could tell by that millisecond of a look in his eyes. He wanted to chase after her.

"Seriously?!" I couldn't help but shout out to both of them. This was bullshit. You don't start making out with a girl on a bathroom counter, then run after your ex when she catches you with a new girl. That's not how it works, Chuck. I know you're kind of not an expert at this whole, being with one girl thing, but I feel like it's sort of common knowledge.

Happy fucking birthday to me...

"An Odd Occurrence"

` I was literally swearing to myself as I exited the elevator, shooting right for the doors to get the hell out of this building. I couldn't last another minute up there; in an apartment full of people I didn't even want to be around... Faking smiles became a million times harder, holding back those stupid tears that were fighting to escape, pretending my heart didn't feel like someone took a sledge hammer to it, and no one even had a single clue to how miserable I felt. Pretty much the worst birthday ever and I didn't want to be there any longer, even if I had to walk the streets all night until everyone was gone. Anything was better than that.

You know what really made this suck? Despite the fact it was all happening on my birthday, but I genuinely thought things were getting better. Serena and I hadn't had an ugly run in yet. Blair and I were becoming actual friends. Dan was proud of me again. My dad wasn't being over protective. Chuck and were connecting so well it was unreal, and after what just happened, it made me question if it was to unreal to be good. Maybe I got happy too quickly... Got my hopes up too high and too fast.

Once I heard this quote of 'good things take time, but really great things happen in the blink of an eye.' Silly me for thinking this was great. I probably was getting it all wrong. This was a good thing, and I was suppose to go slow with it and work my way up to great. For wanting to change as much as I say I do, I still really jump the gun like the Jenny from before. I'm never going to change, not in my heart. It's going to be the death of me.

Stepping outside I was hit with that cold New York air. For once I was glad I was just in some short dress, it made my body get so cold it felt numb, and I was hoping it'd seep in and make my heart feel that way. Thinking of the way he just ran after her, barely paying attention to me at all, it made me want to break down. If it wasn't obvious, I really, really like him; at a dangerous level even. I don't know how I fell so quickly, all I know is that did and now it was tearing me apart more than it should.

Just like that a tiny tear drop started to run down my cheek then fall off my chin. I didn't bother to wipe it off, it would be replaced by another soon. Instead I went down the steps and started walking down the street while my tears had fun taking turns. It wasn't like loud, sobbing crying; no it was just tears silently streaming down. Lines being left for the wind to freeze on to my face.

I started to put my sides, trying to feel for my phone. Right. I was wearing a dress. Sighing I looked at both my sides, looking for my purse, but I didn't grab it during my rush to escape. Well that is just freaking fantastic. Whatever, it was probably for the best I couldn't see if he tried to text or call me yet; because what if he didn't? I would just be even more disappointed.

Shaking my head I looked down at the cement beneath my feet, watching myself take each step. Tightly I crossed my arms, trying to keep them warm. I really did feel numb all around, but my arms a little too much. This really did suck, being outside in the freezing cold, only in a dress, and without my cellphone. Could I go curl up and disappear now?

In the midst of my upset thought, I had forgotten to pay attention where I was heading, causing me to run into someone in front of me. Quickly I walked backwards, putting up my hands as an apology, "I am so sorry. I wasn't looking where I was going and-" As I brought my head up I stopped talking. My night was just getting worse.

"Don't worry about it, Jenny. I wasn't paying attention." Nate said with one of those golden boy smiles. He was so flawless without even trying. Even as the biggest jerk around, he came off sweet. It made staying mad at him hard. "What are you doing out here anyways? Don't tell me I missed the party." He chuckled, looking at me like he was trying to make me smile.

Rolling my eyes I pushed past him and kept walking. There was no way I was going to start being all buddy-buddy with him. "Go right on in. It's a good one." I didn't even care that he wasn't even invited in the first place. He could head up there and be around everything else I'm hating. I just kept on walking, picking up my pace.

Clearly it wasn't fast enough, because I could hear Nate's feet fallowing. When his hand touching my shoulder got brushed off almost instantly, he went even faster and stood in front of me. Both his hands landed on freezing shoulders, making me stop in my pace. "Whoa, Jenny what's wrong?" Was my angry, annoyed tone a tip off, Nate?

"Can you just leave me alone? You're one of the last people I even want to be around." Obviously he fell second to Serena. The only thing I liked about his hands on me was they were keeping my shoulders warm. Otherwise he could take a hundred steps in the opposite direction and I would be happy.

That was when his voice got stern, reminding me of when he broke my heart at the winter formal. "Jenny stop it." When I didn't protest he decided to continue. "Listen, I'm the biggest ass hole for what I did, and I know it's no excuse, but I wasn't thinking straight. You know that's not me. You know I'm a complete idiot when it comes to love," well he got that one right, "But you can't stay mad at me forever. You know that."

And I'm afraid Nate might be right.

He was, by far, the acting like the biggest jerk alive and destroyed my heart for that short amount of time he had it, but... He was Nate. That boy with the cute, innocent smile; though we all knew he was far from innocent. The guy who usually always tried to make me happy when I was down. We did have this connection, even though now it was this annoying brother/sister yet kind of more than friends way. Right now, just looking at him, I knew this hatred wouldn't last.

"You're a fucking jerk." I took a deep breath, bringing my head back up. I had been keeping it down because more tears began to fall. Everything made me want to cry just by thinking of it. Maybe it was going to be the time of the month for me, because I never cry like this. "I hate you. I will never forgive you. I can't believe you stabbed me in the back like that."

Gently Nate completely wrapped his arms around me, forcefully pulling me closer because my own body wouldn't move. As we got closer, and our bodies were touching, my weak arms slowly wrapped around his body. Having someone hug me, the way Nate hugged me, caused my entire body to relax. There was something reassuring about it. Right now a hug was exactly what I needed; even if it was from Nate.

Nate pushed me back a little, letting go of me. With a slight smile he pulled off his jacket and draped it over my shoulders. "Come on, there's that diner just around the corner. We can get some coffee and talk." His words were so sweet, he didn't even have to try and convince me to nod my head yes.

I could tell just the way he was looking at me that he could see all the lines that the tears left on my cheek. It was nice because I could just by looking at him that he cared. No, I'm not all madly in love with him again, not at _all_. He's still the guy who played with my heart for sport for his girlfriend, but like I said before, he's Nate. I'll always be connected to him, so I might as try and move on.

But Chuck... He's the only real thing on my mind.

"The Best Way To Shut Me Up"

After a couple of hours talking to Nate, with him actually making a smile appear on my lips, I was finally in the elevator on the way up to the hopefully empty apartment. We talked a lot about random things, avoiding topics like Serena and why I was crying. Towards the end I began to mention a guy I liked going after his ex, and I think Nate caught the drift. Chuck was kind of the only guy in our circle that it could be about.

Being polite Nate didn't ask if was him, he just sat there and listened. Listened to me confess about how I knew I was stupid for letting myself think we, Chuck and I, could work. I was in such a negative mood and he didn't even care. He just nodded and gave the best advice he had. Surprisingly he even told me to wait it out a bit longer and talk it out, which shocked me if he did know it was Chuck.

My emotions were mixed still. Half of me wanted to forget the pass couple weeks ever happened, act like my heart wasn't aching. The other half of me wanted to listen to Nate and give it a little more time, things could easily turn around. So though my head was telling me to forget and move on, I decided to listen to my heart and keep some faith. Why? Because the happiness I could get from waiting, not giving up as easily as my weak body wanted, is worth waiting for.

Whatever. To much thinking for one night. The tear were gone, just like the people in my apartment. Yes, I was left all alone. No one to deal with, no one to question my disappearance. This was what I needed, finally some time simply to myself.

Tiredly I walked over to the sofa, taking a seat on its arm. On the coffee table was my cellphone. Out of curiosity I picked it up, clicking the unlock button. There were two new messages. Going to my texts I saw one was from Chuck and the other... Gossip Girl.

First I went to Chuck's since his was sent first, which meant it had nothing to do with the blast. Or it meant the blast was about him chasing after Blair or something and he was texting me before it got out. That made since, right? Except I was totally wrong. All he sent me was "Where did you go? We need to talk." Oh god. Reading that I wanted to puke. That was probably one of the worst things I could hear right now.

Closing my eyes tight I took a moment, shaking it off. Next was the message from Ms. Gossip Girl. Let's see what kind of poison she was spreading tonight. Clicking on the text my eyes instantly widened up. There was a photo of Nate and I hug in the street, with some catty remark underneath about how I ditched my own party to be with Nate.

She always got it so wrong. It was one freaking hug. Didn't the same thing happen at Blair's party years ago? It did. How was it the same things seem to continue to happen, yet people still get it wrong every time. God this would be hard to explain to Dan and Erik and Vanessa and my parents and whoever else tries to question me about it.

Dear lord Serena is going to literally want me dead this time.

Carelessly I threw my phone behind me on the couch, I didn't want to deal with technology right now. It complicated everything just by one simple message. My head fell into my hands as I slightly rubbed my forehead. Honestly I was just confused. Everything was confusing me. I needed, like, a Do-Not-Disturb sign to hang around my neck so I wouldn't be bothered.

"You look upset... Should I call Nate?" Chuck's voice said only a little bitterly as I heard him come closer. It took me a second to really register it was him talking, not just a little voice in my head. I took my head out of my hands to see he was now right in front of me. Great.

I wasn't sure if I was happy or upset he was standing there. He waited around for me to come home, so that showed he cared. He made that rude remark about Nate, which made me want to roll my eyes; like he had to be so sarcastic. And I know I said I was going to try and be positive, but right now I wanted to yell.

"Don't even go there with me right now." I did roll my eyes as I stood up, making us incredibly close. If I wasn't so upset I would have been tempted to kiss him. No, instead I would give him a piece of my mind. "You're the one who ran off after Blair the second she was upset, I mean, you didn't even say a word to me. You just darted after her like your life depended on it."

We had a moment of silence as Chuck tried to collect what he was going to say. I could tell he was processing by the way his lips were just barely parted. Which meant he was probably trying to think of same lame excuse. "Jenny, no it's not-" I couldn't even handle hearing him try to explain, all his words just came out slurred to me.

"Don't even try to talk your way out of this. Nate and I were just talking, as awkward friends. But if you still love Blair, you should have just said it. I mean, I get it, honestly I do. You two spent years playing tag of who's ready and who isn't. You were together as one of New York's strongest, youngest couples." I realized I was beginning to rant, but I still continued. I was letting all the thoughts in my mind get a chance to escape. "Just, yesterday you... You told me you had feelings for me. That you wanted to make this work; you wanted us to communicate. Here I am talking and you're staring at me like I'm insane. Right now I'm not even sure if you care about-" And right as I flung my hands up in protest, he grabbed me by the side and pulled me in for a kiss.

Instantly, as soon as his lips touched mine, I went dead quiet. My eyelids slowly fell down over my eyes. My hands fell back down to my sides, no longer feeling like there was a reason to be upset. Even my heart started to beat faster again. This was the best way to shut me up.

Our lips parted, but my eyes were still shut out of pure confusion and bliss. It was the weirdest, but one of the best feelings I had ever felt. When the kiss ended his hands still held on to me, and quite frankly I did not want them to let go.

"You need to learn when to stop talking." Chuck chuckled, shaking his head at me. I will ramble all the time if that's how you get me to stop, I can promise you that. With a small breath he started to talk calmly. "I chased after Blair to explain. After everything we've been through she didn't deserve to find out like that." He had a pretty good point about that, now I felt silly for freaking out so much over it. "Honestly she seemed more offended that you didn't tell her then the fact it happened."

Hmmm... Well every single word he said just made me seem like an over analyzing psychopath. I have to admit though that last part kind of made me want to laugh. Blair was upset I didn't tell, like we were now best friends and we were suppose to share all that stuff. Which really wasn't the worst thing in the world if we did become friends like that. Chuck was probably so confused of that part though. I don't think anyone would understand why Blair and I are now friends until they find out that she's dating Dan.

Swallowing my pride I gave a cute, forgive-me smile. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't of freaked out so much." But I wouldn't apologize _for_ freaking out. Maybe I shouldn't have, but I did and I feel that's kind of reasonable. "I don't know what got into me to run off like that." Actually I do know; I was falling for him harder and harder every second that passes by, and I can't even explain why.

"I'm glad Nathaniel only got a hug." Chuck leaned in and kissed me again, causing my eyes to take another break and close. Kissing him made me feel so silly for stressing to begin with. There was that spark when we kissed, that feeling that makes your entire body shiver a little. It was perfect. "It's late." Was all he said before pulling away and taking my hand.

Without responding I began to walk with him, holding his hand a bit tighter with every step, on the way to my room. I didn't want to talk anymore, for the past couple of days all I had done was talk. Complain, compare, pretend, and it was time for silence. My brain needed a chance to stop thinking and just let my heart control my feelings for a while.

I won't give you a rant on how stupid I feel or how I'm usually not like this or even go on about how happy I was. Despite being surrounded people I don't like, freaking out Blair, running into Nate (though it turned out alright), and thinking Chuck was pretending all along; this was a great birthday.

Here's to eighteen, this year can only get better than the others. No Gossip Girl or Serena were going to mess up my happiness, and nothing was going to stop me from falling in love.


	15. Sweet and Surprising

Part 13

A/N: Aaaah! Here I am. I'm sorry about going MIA. As you all know I kind of had a lot going on (brother moving, dad's wedding, school starting, ect.) And I just wanted to warn you guys my mom is really sick, like _really_ sick, so I've been having to take care of her throughout the day :/ But I am here and ready to go with like a million ideas, I hope you guys like it~

"Something Sweet"

It was the morning after my party and I woke up alone, no Chuck next to me in my bed. That was disappointing, but I wasn't going to make a big deal out of it. He probably just woke and didn't want to wake me... You know he's really secretly sweet that way? There was so much about him that he kept away from everyone else; I felt special that he showed those sides to me.

Smiling to myself like an idiot, I got up and kind of skipped to the mirror, that's how happy I was. Just thinking of him made me smile. I even had those natural rosy red cheeks going on. It made me feel like a little girl, but in a way that I didn't mind. All I had to do was fix my hair and put on a little makeup, everything was natural. With one quick glance I decided I was presentable for whoever was out having breakfast.

Honestly I didn't care if everyone thought I looked terrible, I wasn't trying to impress them. I wasn't even going to try and impress Chuck, he's made it pretty clear he likes me exactly how I am. Isn't that just the sweetest? It made me feel all warm inside and get butterflies.

Feel free to puke at my happiness whenever you want.

When I made my way out to breakfast, everyone was there, and I mean _everyone_. Dan and Blair: check. Rufus and Lily: check. Erik and Vanessa: check. Serena and Nate: check (oh fabulous). But there was no Chuck in sight. Maybe I should have put in a little more effort, just to show Serena up. No, no. She isn't worth it; god she's not worth it.

Instead I faked a smile to all of them, well to Serena. The smile wasn't all too fake either, just showing it to her was. If you couldn't tell from above I'm overly joyed, and this damn smile was appearing whether I liked it or not. Also since it was the day after my birthday it helped give off the illusion that I was happy about it, when for the most part I hated that party.

While I flashed my winning, fake smile, I couldn't help but notice Blair completely avoiding my stare. I guess she was pretty mad I didn't tell her about Chuck; I had no clue she thought of our friendship that highly. Later today when, if ever, she's away from Dan I'll pull her side and talk it out. She had to understand the whole secret thing, like half her relationships started that way. And it would never hurt to have her on my side, I needed someone.

"Why didn't anyone wake me? I didn't know the whole family was getting together for breakfast." I laughed the best I could before walking over to the fridge to get some juice. I'm so glad that no one woke me up for so many reasons. One, Chuck could have still been in my bed. Two, I hadn't slept that well in a long time. Three, quite frankly I wasn't jumping up and down to be apart of this family breakfast. Not with Serena giving me the stink eye more than usual and Blair being distant.

That was when I heard my dad let out one of his good old chuckles. Just like him to laugh before he even said anything; I love you for the things like that, dad. He's just so dad like. "We thought it'd be best to let the birthday girl sleep in after your party." It was like my dad thought I drank a lot or something, but was pretending like he didn't care; with that tone in his voice though you could hear otherwise. You get an A+ for trying daddy!

I heard a scoff come from the table as I continued to 'look' (at this point I was stalling) for the juice I wanted. I could tell just by the sound that it was Serena. "Yeah. You seemed to have a very busy night last night." Rawr, kitty calm down. You could tell by the bitchiness in her voice that she was referring to the Nate picture.

Listen, I hugged your boyfriend, I didn't stick my tongue down his throat. There _is_ a difference, Serena, in case you forgot.

All I did was sigh, finally deciding I should grab some milk so I don't look like an idiot spending ten minutes to grab juice. Without a response to her or my dad, I went and grabbed a cup. The only sound you could hear was the juice filling my cup, but slowly the conversations started up again as if I never entered the room. Perfect.

Right as I started to walk to the table, I heard the elevator doors open. I had to fight away a smile, causing me to bite my lip, which I wasn't sure looked worse or not, when I saw it was Chuck. He was fully dressed, looking ridiculously handsome. Seeing him caused my heart to race again; making my hands tremble just a little, so I set the cup and juice down.

It sucked because I couldn't rush right up to him and throw my arms around him like I really wanted to. Hug him tight, inhale his cologne, close my eyes for a second. There couldn't be any of that. Instead I would have to play it off as if he was any other person. I won't lie, that will be hard for me.

Along the way lying wouldn't be as hard, but I'm in that first-started-dating mode. That time in the relationship where you just rub it in everyone's face because you're so stinking happy. I couldn't help it, that was all I wanted to do. But that would definitely go over extremely badly with pretty much every single person in this room. Possibly minus Nate and/or Blair, depending on where they really stand on the issue.

With his sexy, little grin Chuck made his way towards the kitchen, shooting me a quick look. Owe I bit my lip harder, shit that hurts... Totally worth it. He walked over to where I was, but stopping a few feet away so he could lean against the counter. I never understood how he could act so carelessly, yet look so perfect, like he wasn't even trying. Another mystery I would have to figure out.

"Morning everyone," he started speaking like seeing Nate and Serena didn't even cross his mind, "breakfast looks fantastic as always. Mind if I join?" Like anyone would say no to him. Waiting for a response, as if he really needed one, he took out his phone and began to scroll mindless things, just wasting time.

That's when Blair something that almost made me choke on my juice, "Jenny already looks so grown up, don't you think?" She said with such a pleasant voice, but then she went in for the kill, almost making me spit out the juice. "Don't you think so, Chuck? She's seriously drop dead gorgeous." Blair had that innocent smile of hers on, like she wasn't plotting to destroy your life but you knew she was.

It was sort of funny to watch Dan shoot her the most concerned and confused look ever, and everyone else kind of followed in the trend. Bringing up me growing up wasn't that odd, especially since my birthday literally just happened, but asking _Chuck_? That had to be odd to everyone at the table. Nate even shot me this look of open eyes, like he couldn't believe Blair just asked that question, and probably wondering how Chuck or I could possibly respond to that.

Awkwardly clearing his throat he put his phone back in his pocket, glancing at me again. I could tell it was hard for him to tear his eyes away from me, kind of like how it was hard for me to stop staring at him. I couldn't help but feel like the tension between us was totally obvious, but that might just be because I was the one hooking up with him. Even my tiny sigh seemed to sound like a cough, wanting to echo through the halls.

Finally after being stared at by everyone for what felt like hours, Chuck shrugged, grabbing a cup for coffee, making his way to the coffee maker. "Yeah, Jenny has definitely grown up." He barely stated while pouring his coffee. Since his back was turned o all of them, he looked at me again, but I didn't dare to stare backwards. It felt like we were trapped in this part of the kitchen, with those stares keeping us prisoners.

That was when Serena started to speak up. Shit. "Interesting question, Blair..." Great, Blair, I don't know if you said that out of spite for me not telling you, but I hate thinking what you might of just started. "I'm surprised you haven't been snatched up some handsome boy yet." She probably wanted to add: _who isn't __**my**__ boyfriend_.

Rolling my eyes I made my way to the table; stopping right by Erik and Vanessa, leaning over and grabbing this sugar powdered little pastry. That's when I couldn't help but smirk. If Serena wanted to play hardball, because I knew Blair's bitchiness was an only in the moment thing, fine. I didn't mind a little game myself, especially since I knew I would win this one.

"Hey Chuck come here, you have to try this." My voice was totally calm and relaxed, as if I didn't care my entire family was watching me with intent. Slowly, giving me this look kind of like I was crazy, Chuck made his way over to me. "They're to die for." He took the pastry in his one free hand, he was still drinking his coffee, and took a bite. "You got some on the corner of your lip..." Perfect.

I giggled softly, yet suddenly I was terrified of what I was going to do. It would show Serena up, but that shouldn't be the cause of everything I do. Did I really want to do this already...? Yes. Actually I did. If you're going to do something, why not do it with a bang, right?

My entire body was a bit shaky, having my dad and practically mom here didn't help. Well, they'd find out eventually, so at least they could be one of the firsts. Gathering up all my courage, I placed one hand on his neck, using my thumb to stroke his cheek. Then, just like that, I went in and kissed him. His eyes were open with shock at first, but slowly started to close like mine, just kissing me right back like there wasn't an audience.

A naughty smile made it's way to my happy lips as I pulled away from him. Courage wasn't really needed any more; I felt on top of the world to be honest. "Yep, they're delicious." Playfully I winked at him before turning around. I grabbed my hair and put it in a ponytail as I started to head for my room, "I have to change. I'll be out in a couple minutes and then we can go."

Oh yes, I was pulling that card. They could all just watch me walk away like I didn't give a shit, which I sort of did, but they didn't have to know that part. I did feel sort of bad just leaving Chuck like that, but he was persuasive with these situations. At least I hoped he could be right now...

"I'm Beautiful. Your Argument Is Invalid"

Chuck and I were sitting in his car, sitting next to each other in silence. I wasn't even sure where we were headed. All I knew was I got in the car, and it was silent. And couldn't help but feel like it was all my fault. He got yelled at so much once I closed my door; that was cold on my part. I should have stayed out there and stuck up for him, but honestly it just felt way more dramatic to leave everyone like that. You know, because it wasn't dramatic enough to suddenly kiss Chuck passionately.

Everyone was going to find out eventually, we agreed last night we wouldn't hide for a long time. I guess the next morning by kissing wasn't his first idea on telling people. Which yes, there were a million other ways to tell people, but come on... This one was at least fun, right? Right? Right?... Yeah, I know it wasn't the best choice.

Least awkwardly as possibly I adjusted my body to be able to look at him better. He didn't seem upset, but he wasn't exploding with happiness either. I was going to take this moment to act as a training opportunity. See if I could crack the code on one of the many faces of Chuck. It was obvious he wasn't mad or happy, so it meant there was an emotion in between that was winning. My eyes even started to squint, as if that would help me figure it out.

Chuck's eyes looked over at me without turning his head. I must of looked so odd, leaning over slightly, squinting my eyes as I observed him. He rolled his eyes, shaking his head before looking at me. "Jenny... What are you doing?" Chuck's unresistible chuckles slipped out as he turned to look at me fully; not just his eyes taking a glance.

Hmmm... How do I reply without sounding like a moron? There wasn't really any good way to do that. "I was trying to read your face." As stupid as that sounded it was true. We all do it though, whether we'd like to admit it or not. Next time you take a glance at the person standing next to you, tell me how you can't help but notice how their eyebrows were scrunched, or that they were biting their lip. We all want to know what someone is thinking without having to say a thing.

"You know you just ask, right?" His tone was sort of mockingly, but I didn't take it personally. I know he's a smart ass that way. "Dating doesn't really work that well if the two people don't actually talk, trust me." And he would definitely be one to know that.

Honestly I couldn't help but get that bubbly feeling again, hearing him say how we were dating. Oh that was fun to think about. I was dating Chuck Bass. Shamelessly without a care in the world, either. Even better, he was officially my boyfriend, and I was his girlfriend. Just thinking about it made a dorky smile appear; which had to be really weird since we were suppose to be serious or something.

My smile spread as I finally decided to respond, stop looking like such a weirdo. "I trust you." Was all I said, all I felt was needed. I did trust him already, kind of a lot, surprisingly. It was like... He chose to go after me. He chose to win me over. He chose to take me in his car after my family yelled their asses off at him. Obviously he cared, so of course I would trust him. Trusting him came naturally.

"Good." He said right as the car pulled over and came to a stop, and without a word he took my hand and brought me out of the car. For a moment we stood together on the sidewalk, my eyes only focused on his hand holding mine. You know, on the sidewalk with tons of people passing by. "Are we just going to stand here forever?"

I shook my head, looking up to see where we were. I wasn't paying any attention on the drive over here, obviously. We were in front Barney's, which made me laugh, I'm not sure why but it did. Probably because I was extremely confused to as what we were doing here. "What? Are we supposed to go inside?" I took a step towards the store, then stopped and turned to look at him, "Seriously... Are we going inside?"

Still holding my hand Chuck nodded and headed for the doors. He held them open for me like a gentleman should, yet checked out my ass like the Chuck he would always be would do. "I thought here could be one of the many stops we make today." He gave me a grin, but I almost completely ignored it.

As soon as his words finished I instantly started to wondering, looking at all the gorgeous apparel. I grabbed this extremely cute dress, letting my eyes check out every detail. Not to brag, but I could make a better dress; this _was_ cute though. Not bad at all. I looked back to see where Chuck was at, but he was making his way elsewhere. Whatever, I would just go try this on for my own amusement.

Sometimes I still felt like I didn't belong in places like this. That I should go back down to Brooklyn and go to a thrift shop. I mean, I still do that whenever I want something different or ideas for my own designs. Whenever I came into a super high class place like here though I instantly felt like everyone was watching and judging me like I don't belong. Then again, I feel that way with every gossip blast sent out against me. People _were_ constantly watching and judging me, regardless of where I was. These stores never helped though.

I came out of the dressing room to admire myself in a better mirror. For a place that was suppose to be so nice, the lighting sucked in the dressing rooms. So I walked out and admired myself in the mirror. Hmm... I guess I looked pretty good. It made my boobs look good, which yes, is always one of my first concerns. It was actually really flattering, I had to stare at it for a minute; the longer I stared the more I liked it. Fit my body well.

That was when Chuck appeared behind me; made me laugh out of surprise. "Hold your hair up." He half smiled at me, so I did what he said. Before I really registered what was happening he put a necklace around my neck. It was breath taking beautiful, with a sapphire stone in the middle. "What do you think of it...?"

Honestly I was breathless. This was just... Just incredible. Of course I couldn't straight out and say that though. "It's beautiful, but what are you doing with it?" Maybe I shouldn't be so questioning, but I couldn't help it. There had to be a trick to this. There was always something else to go with it, and Chuck wouldn't put a drop dead gorgeous necklace around me without a reason.

Or I could just be paranoid for no reason. These stores do that to me, I swear. I'm uneasy about everything, even Chuck who had sworn to me no games and no lies.

"Close your eyes, Jenny." Chuck let out a little chuckle, which kind of made me feel like I should be worried, but I did as he said anyways. I dropped my hands down, letting my hair fall around my face. My hand jolted away from his when I first felt his hand skim mine. That was when I felt him take my hand gently in his, making me close my eyes a bit tighter. "Alright. Imagine sitting outside a cafe. The streets are small, with mopeds consuming them. Off in the distance there's the Eiffel Tower, with the sun setting behind it..."

With those words, my eyes opened wide. Through the mirror I looked at him, my eyebrows scrunched in confusion. There wasn't much to think of, so all I had were my words. "Why did you make me fantasize about Paris?" Because he really got my mind going. I could imagine a fading sunset, the mopeds speeding by, coffee in front of me, people passing by us... Us. I was picturing both of us there, together. Was that what he was trying to make me do?

"When was the last time you went to Paris, or Europe?" Chuck asked it like a common question. A question I had no answer for. Never I had I ever gone to Paris, or anywhere at all in Europe. And I'm pretty sure that came through in my blank stare at the mirror. "Yeah, we'll have to change that." His lips barely grazed my cheek, leaving his lips by my ear. "I like spoiling my girlfriend."

At that point I wasn't sure if I wanted to smack him or not. He was being so... so... Him, I guess, and I can't complain much about that. "I hope you know you're really confusing me." I hope he also knows that's not something I like to admit, like, ever. "Are you saying we're going to Paris or is there something I'm not understanding...?"

But wait. Reverse. Rewind. Can we please just pay attention to the fact he called me his girlfriend? That was the first time he had called me that. Sure we said we exclusive, dating each other, but the girlfriend/boyfriend card was never played. Subconsciously I bit my lip, not thinking about the fact he was staring right at me. Realizing that made my cheeks go pink too.

Without a word he placed his hand underneath my chin, lifting it to look at him. Our eyes instantly locked. I adored his brown eyes. They had that sparkle, that captivating stare. Hours could go by and I would be perfectly fine, and I hoped he felt the same way. After a few moments he finally leaned in and kissed me. His slightly rough lips felt magical next to my girly soft ones. Perfection in a single kiss...

Slowly he pulled away, still looking me in the eyes. His words were quiet, only for my ears to hear. "You're beautiful." Though that did not answer a single question in my head, I was _so_ okay with it. That could be his answer to every problem, and he'd always be right.

Not a word more he started to walk away, looking around the store for god knows what. Taking a deep breath I placed my hand over the sapphire. My mind was racing, but nearly as fast as my heart. I looked again in the mirror, wearing the dress and necklace, looking myself over. A small smile started take me over; I was his girlfriend, I was beautiful. Your argument is invalid.

Paris? Europe? Oh I would go anywhere if you keep talking like that, Chuck. Say those precious words and I'll be right in front of you.


	16. Europe Love, New York Heartache

Part 14

"Ummm... Whatcha Say?"

Not to sound dramatic, but the day was just like any other. Actually, in a weird way, it was even better than normal. Chuck and I were happier than I thought we could be, especially since we had been so head over heals the past couple weeks. I thought coming home would be nice, actually, maybe everyone would have cooled down by now.

Obviously though on the upper east side it was never that simple.

As we got home only three stuttered words echoed through my mind...

"I'm... I'm pregnant."

"Easy"

*Two Days Ago*

Chuck and I had been in Europe for four days, two beautiful days. The first day here we spent walking everywhere, looking at all the sights I only had the honor of seeing in magazines and postcards. At first I was afraid of acting like a complete dork in front of him, since I can't even imagine how many times he had traveled to Europe just on a whim. When we reached the Eiffel Tower though, the wonder in my eyes was too much to hide. Chuck saw me and all he did was kiss my cheek softly before leading me towards it. It really was like some type of dream, and I did not want to wake up.

Speaking of waking up, I think it's about time Chuck joined me. For the past hour I have been snuggling up to him, burying my head in his warm chest. I could hear his heart beating ever so gently... it was time to get that heart racing a bit faster. Very gently I started kissing his neck, letting my hand run up and down his bare chest. I loved the feeling of his body, it gave me an overwhelming sense of comfort. Though I'd feel a lot more comforted if those eyes of his would open.

Even after a minute of kissing his neck and impatiently feeling him, there was no sign of Chuck waking up. With a sigh of giving up I pulled away, turned my back to him, and pulled the sheets over my body. A part of me was a little upset, which I knew I shouldn't be, because really we've been spending every second together these past four days, but somehow I was becoming jealous of his dreams, they got to have him when I couldn't.

Feelings like that reminded me that I needed to be careful. Falling this fast was dangerous regardless, especially with Chuck, no matter how much he had change. It didn't stop me from wanting him any less though.

Out of nowhere I heard his voice, "Oh come on, Jenny. You're no fun." With my eyes closed I felt his hand run down my arm until he took my hand. "You give up too easily." One of his soft chuckles slipped out almost effortlessly.

Without thinking I rolled over to face him, speaking without thinking. "Well maybe I'm easy?" And after it was said I realized what it sounded like, and that I couldn't take it back... whoops. I could only imagine the amount of taunting he would do over that.

"If you were easy I wouldn't of been punched over you all those times." As he said that a childish grin broke out on my face as I started to laugh. That poor look on his face, remembering all the pain he'd gone through because of me, when we weren't even a thing. "Except I've taken you to Europe now so I think you owe me one." He gave me a half joking grin, but it still caused my jaw to drop.

Barely giving it a second thought I smacked his cheek, although right after I did I started laughing, feeling my face light up. "Excuse, Mr. Bass, but I have an older brother and father who still would gladly kick your ass if I just give them the word." Right after those words left my lips though, I could no longer control my body.

Passionately I grabbed his slightly scruffy face, kissing him as I brought my entire body closer to his. I wasn't sure what it was that took over me. Breathing became the second most important thing to me, while kissing him again and again was all I was focused on. With what little power I had in the moment, I pushed myself on top of his quickly awakening body. A victorious grin over took me as his hands became adventurous and were making their way down my body. But right as his fingers reached my underwear, I pulled away and got off him and the bed.

"Wha... what are you doing?" Chuck muttered mystified. It was funny how confused he was, cute, but hilarious.

With the most innocent, almost bitchy, shrug I gave him a quick wink. "Awh, Chuck," I began walking towards the bathroom, starting to undo my bra. Hiding behind the door I just smiled, biting my lip, nearly inviting him to follow, "I'm not _that_ easy."

"Coffee and a Show (No)"

The two of us walked down the small street, hand in hand. Somehow all the streets looked exactly the same, yet at the same time totally different. There were all these small, significant features that made it so you could clearly tell them apart, like it was pretty obvious if you paid close attention, but I didn't. My eyes raced around too quickly. Chuck always seemed to know exactly where he was going though, without having to look at his phone or even a sign.

We were turning left? That's where we're suppose to go? He walked like, _obviously_ we were. I wasn't one to question his judgment, like I said, I can't tell up from down half the time. It was fun though, letting him surprise me pretty much every day. Today was suppose to be simple compared to the rest. He said it was to give us some time to recharge since, let's get real, we were on our feet constantly and when we were resting, we weren't really _resting_.

As my thoughts continued to chase one another, I realized we were coming to a stop. Across the street from us was this little cafe. Chuck gave me a nod towards it, and we crossed the empty street. It was an adorable little thing, exactly what you'd imagine a French cafe would look like. A couple round tables right outside, near the windows that were used as walls, the cafe's name and logo on both giant windows. The trim of the building was a light, baby blue, it could blend with the sky on a clear day. My favorite part was that as soon as you walked up to it, you could just smell the coffee. And it was real coffee, none of that instant pod crap. It was perfect.

There was a table for two ever so conveniently by one of the windows. Like a gentleman Chuck pulled out my chair for me. As I sat down he pushed the chair in for me too. Sometimes it felt like he was too perfect; I was okay with that though, it just made my heart race a bit faster.

"I'll go in and order us something to drink and eat. Anything sound good to you?" He asked with a soft smile. Like that was really question. Throughout these past four days of being up all night, and waking up only hours after we passed out, he already knew exactly what I liked in the morning. After my silence he chuckled and winked at me, "I'll be back in a few minutes."

A long sigh had finally escaped me. I might be way more tired than I'm coming across. Chuck seemed fine, which made me feel like a drag. If we could stay in the room for a day and cuddle, or even just sleep, it would not feel like a lost day, it would feel like a well deserved day off. Hopefully this coffee would perk me up and get me to his level of energy, if not I don't know what I was going to do.

Think if I passed out he'd pick me up and take me back to our hotel room? No... that's a little too dramatic, even for us.

Taking a deep breath I pulled out my phone to see if I had missed anything. Two texts from Dan, a Twitter update from Nate, and a missed call from Blair with a voicemail. Weird. She was probably calling to tell me about Dan's latest freakout over me being all the way over in Europe alone with Chuck. Had seriously no one calmed down? We were doing just fine, even better than fine, kind of perfect actually... I would get back to Dan and listen to the voicemail later.

As I put my phone back into my purse, a shadow appeared over me. With the biggest smile I looked up, dying to see how good this coffee would be, but my eyes were shocked at what they saw. I forced myself to blink, but the image wasn't changing. There was a part of me that worried I looked like an idiot, or insane, while the other part could care less and just wanted this to be a joke.

Smirking Damien pulled out the chair across from me and took a seat. "Well, well, well, if it isn't little Jenny Humphrey." He leaned back, crossing his arms, the smirk transforming into a smile that only continued to grow. "You're looking good, I'm starting to think I gave up a little too soon with you."

My jaw was sort of frozen, barely hanging down, making my lips part only the slightest. I had no idea how to respond, or even think. Damien was sitting right in front of me, it didn't matter how many times I blinked. My nerves were kicking in quick, having my fingers nervously run through my hair. The look he got as I did so only made me more nervous. He knew exactly what he was doing to me, and I hadn't even spoken yet.

Finally I forced myself to say something other than what was ringing in my head, _fuck_. "No," came out slower than I wish it would, "I think you gave up on me just on time." You know, when you dropped me like I was anchor, to drown in a sea of worthlessness because you decided since I wasn't ready to put out, I wasn't worth another single second of your precious time.

I might be bitter.

Not the type of bitter where I want him back, or that I'm even still attracted to him, but the type of bitter because I never got an apology. I'm not a fool, he'll never say sorry for leaving me in tears, all cold and alone in a hotel room. That would require him to have a heart. Damien Dalgaard has no heart, no love for anyone but himself. What else can you expect from an international drug dealer? I mean really, I should have seen that one coming.

"Are you really still mad about me leaving?" Damien sat up straight, placing his elbows on the table and leaned towards me, "come on, Jenny, I didn't have time to wait for you. Not with the life I'm living." That's when he placed his hand on top of mine. "But when I saw you out my limo's window... well I couldn't help myself but to stop by and say hello."

His words were like ice shooting through my veins. I couldn't tell if I was nervous, scared, insulted, or all of those plus more. Closing my eyes I took a deep breath, only for them to fling open when I felt his hand being taken off mine.

There was Chuck, grabbing Damien by the shoulders, "Poor choice taking her hand." He sounded furious, yet protective. It would have been really sweet if it wasn't so needed right now.

All Damien did was laugh, pushing Chuck off of him. Casually he brushed off his jacket, as if Chuck had gotten dirt all over it. "I see you still have your body guard." A chuckle came out of his deceiving lips. Everything he said came out sounding like a lie or an insult.

I got up from my chair and walked over to Chuck, intertwining my fingers with his. I hoped that if I got closer, Damien wouldn't have the urge to shove Chuck again. Clearly an argument was going to breakout, I could only imagine, but I wanted to stop any chance of physical violence, for Chuck's sake of course. He had been punched enough times for me, I wasn't looking to add to that.

That was when I noticed Damien's eyes go from looking at me, to looking down at our hands. At that moment it was like I saw a little flame flicker in his eyes. Suddenly the atmosphere felt more intense than it had before. "Oh, I get it," Damien ran his hand through his hair, "you upgraded from body guard to boyfriend... that's cute."

The foolish side of me was hoping that would be the end of it. Damien would turn around, get upset by himself in his limo, and go on with his life being an ass to every girl he ever met, because clearly he hadn't learned anything. It's never that simple though. As soon as I saw Damien's mouth open again, I knew this wasn't going to end well.

"Just one question before I go," Daringly he took a step towards Chuck, "has she let you in yet? Because, you know, I had a problem with that with her. My fault though, with legs like those there's no way they'd be easy to open up."

That's when Chuck Bass finally punched someone _for_ me, instead of being punched _because_ of me.

After Damien hit the floor Chuck led me inside and we got our coffees to go. I held back all the urges to tell him that that was one of the sweetest things anyone had done for me, or that that made me fall even more for him. Instead I let my eyes gaze at him like a love sick teenager. My silence freaked him out a bit, because he ended up asking me I was okay and all I could do was nod. It made him laugh at me, only a little bit, under his breath ever so quietly. I kissed him on the cheek when he did.

"New York Bound"

While brushing my hair my phone started to blink, reminding me of the messages I had not checked yet. Setting the brush down I first went to Dan's texts, expecting him being overly brotherly again. The first text read, "Jenny I know you're busy playing runaway, but I need to talk to you." That was a bit worrisome, but the next one caught my attention even more, "I think something is wrong. Blair has been acting weird and she won't talk to me." Dan rarely came to me with his relationship issues, usually he avoided that, so for him to text me he was worried about Blair, I knew it wasn't just a typical problem.

That was when I saw the voicemail icon on the top of my phone. Nervously I hit it, holding my phone up to my ear to hear what it would say. Part of me hopped Blair butt dialed me, and all I would hear was the contexts of her purse hitting her phone. I didn't want to get in the middle of whatever problems the two of them were having, but I had a feeling I was about to be in the middle of something.

"Hey, Jenny, it's Blair," Her voice sounded nervous, "I know you're off in Europe with Chuck, and I'm fine with that, I hope you know..." The way her voice trailed off made me get the vibe she wasn't exactly excited about it. She continued on with what sort of felt like a nervous ramble, "There's just something I need to discuss with you, and it's something that needs to be done face to face. So... I don't want to rush your little trip, but I hope you'll be on a flight home soon." There was a long silence, where I heard a very quiet sniffle, as if she was trying not to cry. "Bye."

The line went dead. My phone asked me if I would like to listen to it again, delete it, or save it for later. All I did was hit end.

I walked back into the bedroom, where Chuck was laying on the bed, taking care of some business on his laptop. I wasn't sure what to say, because he had no clue Blair and Dan were even a thing, and I definitely was not going to be the one to drop that bomb. So I decided to play it sweet and short, "I think it's time we head back to New York."

After the incident with Damien today I felt like leaving wouldn't seem so random anyways. And in all honesty, I was getting tired of running around Europe. It was, it _is_, sweet and romantic, but I was worn out. I never thought I could get tired of being in a romantic country, but my city of drama was calling and I felt like I had to pick up (you know what I mean).

Chuck looked up from his laptop, closing it halfway, "I think that's a good idea." Gently he patted the spot next to him on the bed, which I gladly took. "I'll call for the jet and we'll leave as soon as it's ready." He kissed my forehead as I curled up against his body, closing my eyes to get all the rest I had been missing out on.

But I couldn't fall asleep, not even nap. There were only two questions going through my mind: were Blair and Dan breaking up? And why were they trying to drag me into it?

"An Unexpected Welcome"

The plane ride back home was fine, very quiet, we were both starting to get taken over with our tiredness. Still I couldn't sleep on the ride though. Not because I was worrying still, well a little but not too much, there was a part of me that didn't want to close my eyes yet. The most perfect week of my life so far was coming to an end, and I could only hope that the days continued this way. Surrounded by love (without that word being said, of course) and smiles and fun and happiness in general. I hoped it would stay like that; I know reality though.

While we were on the plane I watched Chuck fall sleep, his head leaning against the window he was looking out of. He was like a child, looking out the window and imagining all that could be, while his rambling slowly faded out until he was no longer talking altogether. He was going off about some business plans he was in the midst of making, which he sounded very excited about. It took me a while understand why he would be so happy about business plans and deals. Expanding his business, making the Bass name known to everyone, was the same type of love I had towards fashion. It was what he was passionate about, he would do all he could to succeed, I had to admire that dedication. I hoped he would have the same passion and dedication towards me one day, the type that would never end.

When we arrived back to the apartment Blair and Dan were in the living room, a very noticeable spot on the sofa between them. That was probably for the best since I was with Chuck, and he still had no idea that they were a thing. Besides for me, I don't think anyone had a clue, although once it's pointed out it becomes very obvious they were in love. Except for right now... Right now was weird, I could feel the tension from the elevator.

Dan instantly stood up when he heard our footsteps, heading straight to Chuck. For a moment I was afraid he was going to do something, since most of his texts didn't exactly show excitement that I ran off to a foreign country with Chuck. Except he took the bag out of my hand, and nodded towards my bedroom. "Chuck and I will unpack for you, Jen." And before I could even mouth a question about what was going on, he shot me a wide eyed look signaling he had no clue what the issue with Blair was.

So there Blair and I were. Her sitting on the couch, me standing empty handed, staring at one another. She broke our stare only a moment after our eyes locked. That felt like my cue to take a seat next to her.

With a shy smile I sat next to her, tilting my head to look at her face, since she was staring at the ground. "Um... what's going on Blair? You seemed pretty stressed out in your voicemail." I tried sounding as caring as I could, but my lack of knowledge of the situation made me sound more cluelessly curious. "Are you and Dan okay? Are you mad about Chuck and I?" I could go on with a big list, but I was afraid that might just put ideas in her head of what to be upset over.

Silence took over the room. You couldn't even hear Chuck and Dan unpacking, though I doubted they were talking. Lifting her head up to look at me eye to eye again, Blair broke the silence. "No, Jenny. All of that is fine. It's just, to be completely honest, I don't have many friends left in the city. Since I took your side Serena and I have been very much been on the outs, and I would hate to consider any of my minions actual friends. You're one of the last people, besides Dan of course, that I can trust." She tried to smile. It vanished as quickly as it appeared.

Well, that was indeed a relief to hear. I was expecting to be bitched out or something. That was when I started to go into a nervous ramble without even realizing. "You have no idea how glad I am to hear that. For a second I was scared I had done something wrong," kind of like when I was her little minion in high school. "Then when you found out about Chuck and I, I was sure you were going to kill me or something... But you and Dan are fine, right? Because I have never seen him so happy like when he's with you. Which is weird because-"

"Jenny!" Blair nearly shouted to make me shut up, which it did. Taking a huge breath she closed her eyes. In anticipation I continued to look at her closed eyes. Keeping her eyes closed, her voice was shakey, "I'm... I'm pregnant."

At that very moment everything in the room froze. Out of nowhere my heart started racing, like really fast. Like as fast as when Chuck kissed me for the first (_real_) time. I wasn't sure how to react to this news. I wasn't even sure how Blair was reacting to the news. All my emotions were mixed together into big ball that I didn't know how to express properly. So after a minute I just threw my arms around her, giving her the biggest hug in the world.

"I think that is _great_ news, Blair. You and Dan would have the cutest, smartest baby ever." A big smile took over my lips. This meant I would be an aunt, which was kind of awesome. "Of course, if you two want to be parents." Maybe that was the problem she was having, she wasn't sure if she wanted to keep the baby or not.

Blair began to smile just as much as me, that's when I saw a sparkle in her eye. "I haven't told Dan yet, I've been too afraid to. I thought if I told you, somebody, I would get the courage to finally say it to him."

From the hallway I heard footstep. Both of us turned our heads to see who it was. There was Chuck, looking like he was about to cry, starting to clench his fists. "You're... pregnant?" His voice was consumed with disbelief. As he took another step he began to raise his voice, "With _Dan Humphrey's_ kid?!"

Synchronized almost, Blair and I stood up, yet she beat me to the punch for talking. "Chuck, calm down." She said slightly bitter to him. I was waiting for her to say more, but she stopped right there, leaving the room awkwardly silent again.

After no one talking Chuck headed for the elevator, so of course I chased after him. He didn't even wait for me to reach him, letting the doors to begin to close. I got there just in time to put my hands between the doors and stop them. He didn't speak.

"Chuck, what's wrong? Don't storm out like this." I was so confused, I wasn't even sure how to phrase any of my words. I understood hearing that might be tough news to take, but he wasn't even looking at me right now.

"Move, Jenny." Was all Chuck said as he leaned forward and hit the floor button again. Slowly I moved away. He gave me one final look right as the doors closed. It felt like the doors were closing on my heart the way he stared right through me.

"That Night"

I was laying on my bed, curled up in a ball. A part of me wanted to pass out and stop worrying about Chuck, but I couldn't, there was no way I would. He was so upset over Blair's little announcement. I couldn't understand why he was taking it out on me though. Maybe he just needed time to process what was going on? But if that was it, why couldn't he talk it out with me? Isn't that what dating someone is for? Then again... what do I know about being in a normal relationship?

That's when my phone began to ring. Instantly, like an instinct, I grabbed my phone off of my bedside table. There was Chuck's handsome face popping up on my screen. Smiling to myself I hit answer, talking fast, "Chuck, hi." Quickly that smile faded. Instantly I stopped feeling.

I asked him if him storming off was because of Blair; he said no. I asked if it was something I could help fix; he told me I couldn't.

He told me he couldn't do this anymore. He told me it wouldn't work. He told me it'd be best to move on. He told me everything but why.

He hung up. All I could do was cry.

That night he said goodbye. That night he broke my heart.

*Line*

A/N: This is not the end of the story, just the beginning to bringing it back. I have mapped a ton of ideas in my head for some good drama and love and the basics. Hope you guys enjoyed it like everything before!

But seriously, telling me what you think since it's been so long so I know if it's still how you liked it.


	17. A Month, A Deal, and A Bad Idea

Part 15

One Month Later

Time went by slowly, spending most time depressed in bed. My emotions were having a hard time taking in the fact that, once again, I was dropped faster than I could comprehend that it even happened. It was as if a happily ever after was not looking good to be included in my future. And I kept questioning what it was that I did, what I was doing, wrong. Did I go into it too strong? Gave too much at once? Fall too fast? Was my grip not tight enough? Or was it the boys I chased in general? I was clearly doing something wrong, whatever it may be.

A part of me just felt pathetic for being so pathetic. It wasn't like we were engaged; we hadn't even said _I love you_. Yet here I was moping around most every day, feeling sorry for myself. Right now I should be happy. Dan and Blair were out about their relationship and the baby surprise, Nate and I were back to being good friends, Erik and I were close again, Serena and I hadn't bickered in a while, things were going well. But it seemed as if every time something happened to put a smile on my face, a memory of Chuck would come along and make it vanish instantly.

He was avoiding me like a pro, too. The few times I would leave, like to help look at apartments with Blair and Dan or if Nate or Erik dragged me out of the house for lunch, he would just so happen to stop by the apartment to get something or talk with Lily. You know he's acting like a coward when he can't even show his face to me after what he did. It hurt me he didn't even have the decency to tell me in person, apart from the fact he never gave me a real reason to breaking my heart in the first place. And not knowing made getting over him so much harder.

I've been trying to not focus on him though, as much as I could anyways. It always cheered me up looking at apartments with Blair and Dan. Since they told everyone that they were an item, and had a little one on the way, they were happier than ever. Seeing their love grow each day gave me hope something like that was out there for me. Plus I knew including me while they looked for an apartment together was a favor more than anything to me, to help get me out of my slump. Except I think I'm more helpful than they thought. Turns out the two of them have trouble saying no to the other, which makes shopping for a home together difficult when Dan loves it and Blair would rather stay with her mother.

And if I wasn't with them, Erik or Nate tends to be by my side. Erik and I would hang out at home, walking to the yogurt place a couple blocks away, or staying up at night talking. He was dating a new guy, he was cute, but Erik wasn't sure if he was ready to commit. So he kept going back and forth on what to do, he didn't want to pull a Chuck and hurt anyone. Erik was too sweet to hurt anyone on purpose. Right now he just needed time to process his emotions, which he was doing all in his due time. I knew he'd be okay though, he always was.

Then there was Nate… Oh Nate. Forever confused, you know, in his own adorable, charming way. He really did mean well, although he has weird ways of showing it sometimes. He and Serena were now in a back and forth, tag type, of relationship. Serena was the one who continued to dump him though, and he was the one who always took her back when whatever she left him for didn't work out. They weren't together at the moment, I believe, it was getting difficult to remember. I felt bad for him, all he wanted was love.

But don't we all?

"Let's Make a Deal"

I walked out to the living room as I put on my jacket; I was headed out to meet Nate for lunch. There was Blair on the phone with her realtor, again, looking for more places to check out. Even when she was being all serious on the phone, she looked adorable, with her little belly starting to show. It was crazy; she was already 3 months pregnant. That kid would be here in no time.

Dan was so excited to be a dad, a real dad. After what happened with Mylo, I know a part of his heart had broken. Having a baby with Blair though, having his own family, meant the world to him. Once Blair told him she swore she had never seen him smile so big, and at that moment she had never loved him so much. Their love gave me so much hope, but kind of broke my heart at the same time in this melancholy way. I was happy though, so happy for them and to be a part of this journey with them. They would make the best parents.

I approached Blair as she hung up her cell phone with a long sigh. Hunting for the perfect apartment was taking all of the little energy she had out of her. "What was that call about?" I asked while I fixed my hair. Since I was going out I figured I should at least try to look nice, although I wasn't really trying to impress anyone. Nate liked me regardless of how I looked.

"Apparently there's three apartments on the upper east side that aren't on the market yet, but will be by next week. He was calling to let me get the first look tonight." Her voice was filled with very little excitement. Being a top priority customer meant a lot of phone calls and a lot of empty apartments to look at, many that didn't live up to her expectations.

Poor girl, so stressed over something that was suppose to improve her life. Happily I shrugged, "Alright, I'll make sure not to stay out too late with Nate." That's when I checked my phone; he would be downstairs any minute. Before I even got the chance to say I got to go, Blair spoke up.

"No, Jenny. I think it's time you did something other than help me find an apartment." Blair's tone was a weird mixture of upset and sincerity. I think I started to frown because she quickly continued, "Not that I don't love your company, I really do, it's just... there's more to life than what you've been doing. I know Chuck hurt you but-"

I couldn't listen to another word. "Yeah, I know. It's not a big deal. I don't really care anyways." That was all, clearly, a lie, and Blair knew it. But I didn't know what else to say. I knew everyone was getting sick of my poor-me attitude. "I'll do something else tonight..." As soon as I said I would, I realized how much I hated the idea. "Maybe. I gotta go."

With a sarcastic eye roll Blair gave me a quick hug. Even her quick hugs were so nice... I don't know what it was, but it felt like she cared more than I thought. Which I should have realized how much she cared about me by how much she had invested in me these past few months. Boy or girl, that baby was going to have one sweet mom. Sometimes a bit catty and dramatic, but sweet none the less.

Quickly I made my way to the elevator, which couldn't get to me fast enough. See Nate was like a treat for me, because he was so busy with politics and juggling his crazy girlfriend, you know, Serena. My dislike her towards her had faded, I could have cared less, but then I got close to Nate again, and he told me the games she played with him; I couldn't help but start to dislike her all over again. She never treated him right. Not the first time, not the second time, not the third time.

Right as I checked the time again, the elevator doors opened. As I looked up, there was Nate looking at his phone as well; looking up at me with that golden boy smile. "I was just about to call you," he offered his arm to loop mine around. "I was afraid you might of forgotten we had plans today." His voice was so sweet, I loved how he cared.

It's kind of funny, by getting my heartbroken it opened up doors to help reconnect with everyone else. Given we discussed a lot more than just my sad little heartbreak. Although that was a popular topic for me to rant about, I usually realized and stopped myself. Still, I don't know how everyone has put up with me some times.

That made me roll my eyes. Like I could forget we had plans, seeing him was the highlight of my week. "I could never forget about you," I smiled, holding onto his arm a bit tighter. It always made me feel safer when he was near. Safe in the kind of sense that no one would mess with me because he would make them stop, just like he did with my emotions. I couldn't thank him enough for that.

"You better not," he chuckled, turning the corner of the street. We were going to the coffee shop the next block over. It had become sort of our spot this past month. If either of us ever wanted to escape our lives, which became more often than not, we would meet up here. "I'd hate to have to remind you how sweet and incredible I am." Nate gave me a slightly flirtatious wink while opening the coffee shop's door.

When he did little things like that, it made me feel happy inside again. I'm not sure what it was, the fact he cared or that he paid attention to me like that. The way he treated me was different than Dan or Blair or Erik, it was hard to explain, but I loved that he made me feel the way I did, without even changing a thing. Maybe that was it. We could be ourselves and know the other wasn't judging you.

I mean, he literally let me scream and cry one night over Chuck, I think I even hit him at one point, and at the end of the night he just helped wipe my tears and brought me ice cream. The next day I learned Serena had dumped him that night. He never said a thing about it; he just let me be angry and sad for myself. If that isn't an amazing friend, I don't know what is.

I wasn't sure if I deserved him in my life, he was too good to me.

"So where are you and Serena now?" I asked as he pulled out my chair for me, taking a seat as he gently pushed it in; forever a gentleman. That question had become the typical protocol for when we went out. One day they'd be back on strong, the next it was like WWIII had broken out of nowhere. It was way easier to just ask him than coyly try and slip it into the conversation, which he seemed to appreciate.

Nate had a long sigh, carelessly running his hands through his perfectly done hair. It looked just as good though, even after messing with it. "That's a good question…" A tired chuckle came out as he looked back up from the table to me. "The other day we got in some stupid fight, I can't even remember what. But last night I saw some post she was out with some Princeton kid. So, I'm guessing we're not together anymore. But ask me again around three and I might have a different answer for you." He spoke with a smile, laughing at his own little joke, but his eyes gave him away.

Serena was really playing him, and I couldn't tell if he realized that or not. A part of me felt like Nate was afraid of being alone, just based on everything we've shared with each other. He's so use to having a line of girls waiting for him, and although there is still very much a line of girls wanting him, none knew him and he wanted something real. He wanted love. As I said before… don't we all?

There was so much I wanted to say but held in. Yes, I was being honest with him about how I felt and thought, but I wasn't being too blunt. I'd suggest subtly that made it just wouldn't work or that he could do better. Never did I tell him to dump her and move on. I was afraid he would get mad at me, I couldn't risk losing him, not again. So I kept all those blunt (what seemed obvious to me) comments in my head.

"Serena and I are nothing new though..." Nate trailed off, clearly wanting to say more, by the way his voice said it faster than normal. Looking at me, I smiled at him, getting a smile back. Trying to show him he could go on if he wanted. "I think I've just came to the point where, I've accepted it's probably just not meant to be, and I can't keep welcoming her back whenever she gets bored with what she left me for. I'll always love her in a way, she'll always be special..." there was this unshakable sadness in his voice, "but I'm done with the games and opening up just to be shut down."

Yes, there was this undeniable sad tone in his usually charming voice, but I hadn't heard him speak so surely about anything in a long time. Which was good, he needed to be positive about his decision since he was finally deciding on moving on. In the past he had made remarks about letting go, it never sounded like he meant it though. This time his voice, despite sounding sad, sounded strong. I was envious of his strength.

"Good. You can do so much better than Serena anyways." I flashed him a quick grin, trying to give him one of those sly winks he always shot me. There was no way I was as smooth as him though; Nate Archibald was a master at being flawlessly charming. "I wish I could say that's where I'm at with Chuck, I'm getting there, I should be there..." now I was the one trailing off, "a part of me is hanging on that we'll fix whatever the hell broke us, but the rest of me keeps telling myself to say forget him and be happy." Right as my smile started to fade, I looked at Nate again, and it stayed on my lips.

The waitress came over to take our order, before I could even say anything Nate ordered what we regularly got when we came here together. As soon as he said it though, he glanced at me to make sure that was alright. All I did was continue to smile and nodded my head. Like a kid getting approval from their parents, or a golden star on a test, he looked back to the waitress, confirming our order.

My eyes trailed off to the street outside. So many people were passing by, seeming to walk without a care. Everyone has their own problems, I know, but it was nice to think that everyone could be walking by happily, with no problems. It was a nice thought. Except, it would always be a thought. That kind of reality would be too sweet, there would be no bitter to show you what was worth fighting for and working through.

It took me a moment to realize Nate was staring at me, patiently waiting for my attention to go back to him. I started to blush nervously, getting flustered in the fact I wasn't saying anything. So I ended up blurting out the first thing on my mind, "Blair wants me to go out but I don't know if I'm ready." That was a topic changer. Plus I would love getting Nate's opinion on the situation.

Without missing a beat he put in his opinion, "Do it. Jen," the way Nate said Jen was different than when others said it, it sounded like a nice little term of endearment, "I love hanging out with you, but you need to get out there. Make new friends, maybe even meet someone new." He kept pushing me to move on. I knew it was for the best, but I guess I couldn't see it how he did.

I couldn't see what was so much better out there for me. Maybe I was blind to see it? That wouldn't surprise me. I am one to get blindsided by something and then get consumed by it. Nate was probably right though, I couldn't quite accept it though. "Maybe." Was all I replied back, taking my coffee carefully out of the waitress' hand.

Nate leaned over the table, using his most sincere voice, "Listen, go out tonight, if it becomes too much for you, give me a call and I'll come to your rescue." He said it like it was no big deal, which at this point it probably wasn't, he always was saving me.

After giving it some thought, I caved, "Alright, deal. I'll go out tonight." I couldn't believe those words just left my mouth. Going out sounded awful. But I guess it was what I needed. "Excuse me for a second." I got up and walked towards the bathroom, pulling out my phone. Quickly I hit Blair's name and let my phone ring. As soon as she said hello, I got to the point, "Let's make a deal."

I knew that would catch her attention, even if she had no clue what I was talking about. "You've got me. What's the deal?" It was like I could feel her smirking through the phone, which made me smirk to myself.

"I will go out tonight _if_ you tell Dan you hate that apartment in lower Brooklyn he won't shut up about." If I was going to cave to Blair's wishes, I might as well get something out of it too. Not to mention she completely hated that apartment but couldn't get up the courage to shoot Dan's hope down. Really I was doing her a favor.

"Deal. I expect not to hear from you until early tomorrow morning." Blair hung up after she finished speaking, as if trying to make sure I wouldn't take back the deal we had just made. Which was probably smart on her behalf because I was starting to have second thoughts.

Flustered and anxious already, I went back to Nate, sitting down and taking a big sip of coffee. This was such a bad idea already, I could literally feel it within me. But a deals a deal, and I couldn't go back on it now, I would get way to much shit. Also I know I would let Nate and Blair down if I did back out, and I couldn't deal with more disappointment.

Still... something was telling me tonight wasn't about to go as planned.

"Brooklyn Bar and Babe"

Here I was, standing outside a bar in Brooklyn, literally trying to shake the nerves out of me. Somehow I had managed to get dressed, do my makeup, take a taxi down here, and now that the challenge of going inside was in front of me... I was having second thoughts. It was just a bar, with people I wouldn't even know in it. That was part of why I chose this place to begin with. No one I knew would be in there, it was back in Brooklyn so I felt more comfortable, and as long as my dress was tight enough the bartender wouldn't even think about asking for my ID. Not like I've ever been carded anyway.

As a gust of wind hit me, I took in a deep breath and headed inside. If I stayed outside, the night would only get older and I would only get colder. Eventually I would cave to go inside, so I might as well get it over with before I froze myself to death. It was a nice bar anyways. Pretty crowded too, since it was a Saturday night.

The one part that sucked about not knowing anyone who would be here? I sort of didn't _know_ anyone. Plus I haven't hung out in Brooklyn for a long, long time; not since before I left to stay with my mom. So I made my way to the bar, taking a free stole. When the bartender came over all he did was give me a smirk, clearly my attire was suitable. Quietly I ordered a scotch. It sounded really comforting to me... Normally I never ordered just hard liquor straight.

The second my drink was handed to me, I chugged it down. Maybe if I got a little buzzed I would be able to enjoy myself. With a quick lift of my hand, I ordered another. Being out by myself really shouldn't be this stressful. Chuck breaking my heart shouldn't of crippled my socially skills too. After this drink I was going to calm the hell down and go be friendly.

Or the friendly would come to me. "Can I buy you a drink?" Was all I heard before turning and seeing a somewhat cute guy taking the stool beside me. He wasn't ugly, definitely was not ugly, but he was no Prince Charming. "Possibly something stronger than that scotch?" He chuckled; I tired to tell if that was suppose to be a joke or was meant to be funny somehow...?

"I'm actually fine, thanks." I gave him a weak smile before turning back to the scotch. So much for being friendly. Yes, he seemed weird, but I could have said _sure_, and saw where that would go. Right as I was about to chug the scotch down again, I glanced over to see he was still sitting there.

Ever so casually he leaned in closer to me. "Come on. Just let me buy you one drink." He said it more like a command than an offer. "One drink will change everything that's going through your mind, I promise." The guy obviously knew he was coming off as a creep. That was when he placed his hand on top of mine. Ew.

Did he _really_ think forcing himself to buy me a six dollar drink would help this tight dress hit the floor?

Time to get my nice, bitch face on. "Listen, I'm really not interested." I turned my body to face him completely. My posture instantly got better, removing my hand out from under his. "I can afford to buy my own drinks. I don't need to trade my body for booze." Normally I wouldn't be so forward, but this guy came off as the type where being subtle wouldn't work.

Right as the guy was opening his mouth to rebuttal, a girl stepped in front of my view of him, and she beat him to talking. "Buddy, she said no. I've been here since you've gotten here. All you've had is two very fruity drinks and some bar food. Don't tell me you're that much of a douchebag this sober." Once she finished talking all the guy did was mutter before getting up and walking back to his pack of friends in a booth. With a smile the girl took his seat and faced me. "No charge." She gave me a quick wink, signaling the bartender for a drink.

I felt rude, because as soon as she faced me, my eyes got wide and I began to examine her. She was tall, with long legs that almost seemed as long as mine. _Almost_. Dark hair that was done in a side braid, keeping the hair out of her face so you could see her piercing green eyes; not like you would ever be able to avoid them. She had used black eyeliner to perfectly draw wings on her eyelid. She was dressed in a tight hugging dress, black with deep purple accents. To be perfectly honest she looked like she had walked out of a fashion magazine for how to look on nights out.

As she got her drink she turned back to me, offering her hand with a smile. "Victoria." Delicately she took from her martini glass, making sure not to smear her lipstick.

Smiling in my daze of admiration, I took her hand and shook it. Her hand was extremely soft, so soft it took me a second to actually remove me hand from her's. I was hoping it wasn't so noticeable how off guard I was. I guess I wasn't expecting someone who looked like she could be Upper East Side royalty down in Brooklyn. "Nice to meet you, I'm Jenny-"

"Humphrey. I thought so." She finished my sentence for me. Crap. She knew who I was, that's why she bothered saving me from that creep-a-zoid (do people still use that term? Whatever. That's what he was). "Your dad use to own that art gallery, right? I use to walk through all the time when I was going home from school." Victoria's voice sounded intrigued. "Use to see you around the all time, then you disappeared or something..."

Part of me was saying don't trust her. The way she was talking was like how Blair use to talk when she was trying to gather information. The fact she was crazy beautiful was incredibly intimidating too. Being nice back couldn't hurt though. "He still owns the place, we just live in Brooklyn anymore." I gave her a shrug, trying to signal I didn't want to explain much about it.

Jokingly she gave me a shrug back, "Well, since you're back home for the night we should celebrate." She stopped to check her phone. A smile spread across her face while she typed something on her phone, locking it after a moment and looking back at me. "My friend is having a party at his place. A better guest list than this bar, I can guarantee. You in?"

Victoria didn't talk to me like a person she had just met. Instead she spoke to me like a friend she made years ago. Her eyes were lighting up with eager. I felt like saying no to her would be like stealing a child's favorite toy right out from under them. Out of all the bad choices I have made lately, going to one party with a supermodel-looking girl couldn't be my worst decision.

"Sure. Why not?" A smile started to take over, either due to excitement or nerves. _The worst of the night was over_, I told myself. Besides, Nate and Blair wanted me out. It was just a party.

"The One I Run To"

Victoria led me up the stairwell, leading me to the apartment door where the music was coming from. The closer we got, the faster my heart was racing. Every second that passed heading to this place I spent freaking out more and more. True Victoria was nice, but I had no clue who she was or where we were going. This wasn't the typical party I was use to.

As the door opened, music came flooding out into the hallway we were entering from. There were people everywhere; people against the wall making out, two guys playing some video game against each other on a huge television, couples dancing near the blasting music, and that's when I saw people on the couch leaning over to the coffee table, doing lines. Of course people would be snorting coke. I knew this night was not a good idea.

I think Victoria could sense I felt uncomfortable, because she gave me a smile, like telling me to stop being a baby and have fun. "Don't judge," she walked in tapping the shoulder of one of the guys playing the video game. "I brought a friend. We're welcoming her back to Brooklyn." She smirked at me, nodding me to come closer.

My heart must have been going a hundred miles an hour. No matter how many times I told myself, _it's just a party_, a part of me couldn't cope with that. I could deal with not knowing her, or not knowing where we were headed, but seeing this mess of a party scene was a bit too much. When I was running around with Agnes, trying to be a little rebel, I might of tried to roll with this.

Nervously I gave Victoria a smile, "Um, where's the bathroom?" All she did was point down the hall before kissing the guy she- kind of- introduced me to. Taking that I made my way down the hall, checking each door I passed for the bathroom until I found it. As soon as I did I shut the door tight and locked it, slipping my phone out of my purse.

I wasn't some stupid teenage girl running around with my crazy model friend any more. I wasn't about to dance around half-naked or make out with a guy I didn't know. And I most definitely was not going to try coke off a stranger's coffee table (or, you know, ever). If I wanted saving I couldn't wait around for someone to come barging in like before. So I took out my phone and dialed the only person I could think of, trying not to shake.

"This isn't working. I need you."

*Line*

A/N: Hope you guys liked it! There is a lot in store and a lot setup. I have a lot of plans, but I'm also excited to kind of see how things go and where it'll take the story. Chuck/Jenny interaction soon, but for now I'm trying to lay the groundwork, if you know what you mean. I appreciate all the reviews! They make me want to write more and more.


	18. Shining Armani, Tear Lines, and Denial

Part 16

"My Knight in Shining Armani"

My heart was racing as I hid out in the bathroom. Out of a nervous tic, I began to scratch at my neck. When I looked in the mirror and noticed my neck was turning red, I held my hands together, trying to end the scratching; my hands were getting anxious. Right now all I wanted to do was curl up in bed. I couldn't be any further from curling up though.

The music was blasting from the party in the living room. I was actually sort of amazed that Victoria hadn't checked on me yet; she was probably too busy making out with that guy. Then again... she didn't even know me, so why would she bother checking on me? No one here cared about me. No one even knew my name except Victoria. Going along with this was just a bad call on my part, I mean, our parents always warn us about strangers...

That was when there was a bang on the door that made me jump back. Now my heart was racing even faster, if that was even possible. But within a second my heart calmed down. "Jenny, it's me. Unlock the door." His voice came through the door so soothingly to me. "Please, open the door." He sounded really concerned, a tone in his voice I hadn't heard in a long time.

Slowly I opened the door, looking up at him. Yeah, he was standing there with wide, worried eyes. "Nate... thank you." I pushed the door open completely, throwing my arms around his neck, as my head rested on his chest. "Can we get out of here? I don't know what I have gotten myself into." And if I hung around any longer I knew it'd only go downhill.

The smell of his cologne had a calming effect on my heart. Without realizing it, I started holding him tighter, taking deep breaths. All the music started to be tuned out, becoming one big blurred noise that had no effect on me anymore. The only noise I could hear was Nate's heartbeat, and it was the only thing I needed to hear in order to calm down. But that's when Nate sort of pushed me off, making me snap back to reality.

"Come on, Jen, let's get you out of here." Nate took me by the hand and led me down the hallway, through the crowded living room where Victoria was on some guy's lap. We left out the door to his car that was waiting for us. Like a gentleman, he opened the door for me. After I got in, he followed and took a seat right next to me; placing his jacket over my bare legs.

As the driver began to head back to Manhattan, we sat in complete silence. There was tension in the car. Part of me was getting the vibe he was upset with me. True he was being polite, but Nate was always like that. He was probably mad at me for getting into that situation, like how could I not be smart enough to avoid going to a complete stranger's apartment. The _one_ thing he asked of me, to go out for a single night, and I couldn't even do that right.

Feeling undeserving, I removed the jacket from my legs and handed it back. Doing my best to hold in a sigh, I leaned my head against the window and peered out to the darkness. Nothing was going my way and at this rate I felt it never would.

"Jenny… are you okay?" Nate let out quietly, gently placing his hand on top of mine, "I know things have been tough lately, and I have done everything I can to help, but now I feel like I'm just hurting and not helping." His voice had a tone of guilt, blaming himself for what I had gotten myself into. All he had done was help, now he wasn't seeing that, now he was just seeing the fact I needed to be saved again.

"No, Nate, _you_ are perfect." Slowly I turned my body to face him. Everything in me began to feel weak; I just wanted to give up. "Ever since Chuck broke up with me, it feels like everything is going wrong, even when it's right." Like everything with Blair and Dan, it was perfect, but I still felt miserable as soon as I was alone.

Nate looked like he was about to say something very serious. His eyebrows scrunched together a little, thinking for a moment. "Listen, Jenny, as a friend I have to be honest with you," he looked me in the eyes to see if it was okay to continue, which it was. "It's been a month. That's almost the same amount of time you guys were seriously together. You exploded in this massive flame, which made you burn through everything all that much faster, which isn't a bad thing, but something made Chuck put it out. And I'm not saying it's impossible to get a spark going, but you need to talk to Chuck and see if he's willing to face that heat again…" his voice trailed off for a moment, "or if he's burnt out. But you can't keep hanging around, wondering what's going through his mind. Because it's beginning to destroy everything else in your life, and that's not okay."

It took a moment to have everything settle inside my mind. His analogy about the fire actually made a lot of sense, more sense than I thought it would. I was impressed he put it together like that. It made me start to think about the waste of space I had been lately; which I hated because I saw all the ways I could have tried to fix things, and I hid instead. Not once had I tried to call Chuck and demand a reason from him. Never did I hunt him down and try to talk things out. I didn't even put in an effort to get over him.

This past month I just continued to play the _poor me_ card, relying on everyone around me to try and cheer me up. What happened to new Jenny? The strong, independent one that took care of herself? Had I really lost her so quickly? Instead I went back to being scared, desperate Jenny who was letting one bad thing hold her back from the life she worked for.

Chuck had made me crumble back to being that freshman attending her first real party. Except I would do anything now to have him try and kiss me, which I sort of hated myself for. I didn't need him, I just _wanted_ him… but I couldn't have him. That's what I had to realize.

Talking to him seemed so far gone, and from what I had heard through Gossip Girl, and even Dan when he was out one night, Chuck wasn't having a problem moving on from me. Late nights, random girls, lots alcohol (I always assumed it was scotch in his glass): the works. Lily told me it was just a phase, he was just trying to prove he was still Chuck Bass, but I knew that was a lie to try and make me feel better. He was long gone.

I felt like I was about to cry. It was like my heart was about to break all over again. I never even got the chance to tell him that I loved him, which just sounded ridiculous now. We were never meant to work. That's what I had decided. Because if we were meant to be together it would have happened by now, wouldn't it? All the encounters we've had, and we were once again two very separate people. If us being together meant anything, he wouldn't have left with nothing but goodbye; he would have given a reason.

Suddenly I was too afraid and tired and hopeless to want to know that reason. Everything would only be worse, because he made it clear in a single phone call I couldn't do anything to fix us. No matter how badly I wanted him back...

The car came to a stop, and so did my thoughts. With a blank stare I turned back to Nate, who hadn't questioned my silence. His eyes understood me, though he didn't say he did, I could tell by the way he lifted his eyebrows in concern. "I thought we were different." Was all I could whisper out, holding back my tears.

Nate pulled me in, "_you_, Jenny, are so amazing and special and beautiful and kind and I don't know any other girl that works so hard to put a smile on someone's face when they're sad," a small chuckle came out of his lips as he glanced down before looking at me again. "Okay, mainly making me smile. The point is, you're incredible, and this'll all work out." Ever so gently he wiped away the stray tear that was making its way down my cheek. "Think it over, then decide what you're going to do. Don't be rash."

That was exactly what I needed to hear. So I gave him one final hug before opening the car door. I braved the cold and stepped out, people passing me by as if it were early morning and they were headed for work. Inhaling the cold air, I took a second to embrace it all, before putting on the world's smallest smile. I turned back around and leaned into the car, "Thank you, Nate. You always come to my rescue right when I need you." With my smile growing I got out of the car and shut the door, heading up the stairs of my building.

Once I reached the doors, I turned around just to watch Nate's car drive off into the darkness. What he said started going through my head. I needed time to think. I was slowly beginning to comprehend that Chuck and I might be done for good, regardless what I try. My mind and heart couldn't agree on what to do.

That was when I made up my mind. My heart could catch up later. I ran back down to the street and hailed a cab.

"If You Can't"

I handed the cab driver what I owed him and more, not waiting for the change as I quickly got out of the taxi. Taking a deep breath, I took a step toward Chuck and Nate's building. Before I went any further, I grabbed my phone out of my purse and went to Facebook. There, Erik was online, I hit his name and the chat popped up. _I'll be late tonight, if anyone asks I'm with you_; that was all I sent before heading up the steps to the lobby.

My heart was racing as I entered the elevator. Of course their place would be at the top, which meant the longest wait I could have. Being inside the elevator was making me a feel a bit claustrophobic. Maybe it was my fast breathing giving me that trapped feeling. Yet no matter how many times I told myself to calm down, it only made me freak out more. That was when the doors opened to their apartment.

As I walked in I spotted Nate in the living, he was getting up from the couch to walk over to me. He had a confused look on his face, and I don't mean that usual little daze he seems to always have going on. "Jenny... Chuck isn't here," Nate looked behind himself, like double checking Chuck didn't sneak in while he wasn't looking. "I mean, you can hang around and wait for him if you want, or I can text you when he gets here so you could stop by. But I'm not sure when that'll even be since he's been so busy. I could probably get him to come home if you want though."

"I'm not here for Chuck." My breathing had slowed down. Now I was possibly breathing too slow, because my head felt like there wasn't enough oxygen going to it. I walked straight up to him, looking him right in those lost-in-the-sea blue eyes. "You are not my father, and you are not my brother, so why do you care so much...?" I barely whispered out, hoping he would know what I was saying, and not start some ramble about how we were best friends.

That was when he whispered back, "Because..."

Just as nervous as that night on the street, I took a step closer to Nate, placing my hands on his scruffy cheeks and kissed his boyishly rough lips. This time he didn't give me the chance to pull away and leave. Instead he took me by my sides, pulling me in even closer. We began to kiss again and again, my arms tight around his neck, and his hands held me securely against his body.

So there we stood, kissing in the living room as if nothing had ever changed, but we both knew everything had.

After minutes went fleeting by of increasingly more intense kissing, I had to force myself away from him. My heart was still racing, as I took a moment to look over Nate. I placed my hands on his chest; his heart felt like it was racing as fast as mine. To be honest I wasn't sure what to do next. My mind hadn't thought this far ahead. All I had planned was _kiss Nate_, but I hadn't a clue for anything that came after that.

We both stood there, staring at the other, looking for a sign on what to do. Right when I was starting to feel like this was a bad, awkward idea, Nate grinned, taking me by the hand. It did feel weird, to be lead to his room instead of Chuck's. All of this felt weird, doing this with Nate when just a month ago I was walking through the same apartment with Chuck by my side.

When he gently threw me on his bed though, I couldn't even remember what I was thinking. He crawled on top of me, just to take off his shirt. Man he was in crazy good shape. My eyes had trouble looking away from his abs. Was that rude? I didn't know. All I knew right now was his lips were starting to touch my neck, and that was a sensation I had missed, regardless of who was doing it...

That's when we heard the elevator, and footsteps in the living room.

Nate got off of me; standing by the door and looking out, before putting up his index finger and whispering, "Wait here. I'll be right back." The way his eyes got wide, I could tell it was Chuck who had just gotten home. Then again, who else would it be at this hour?

I knew I shouldn't, but I got off of the bed and walked over to the slightly cracked door, and peered out to the living room. All I saw at first was Nate, who was still shirtless, running his hand through his hair (way to act natural). That was when I saw Chuck. He was taking off his coat, throwing it on the couch. I felt like a pervy, peeping tom, because in the back of my mind I was hoping he would keep undressing; something I use to love helping with.

"Hello Nathaniel," Chuck spoke so formal, it made it sound more like an obligated hello than being friendly. "I'm only stopping by for a few before heading off to meet with Lily. You look… sweaty." He chuckled, making it all the more real that he was right in the other room. He was suave as ever, even with saying the fewest words.

Nate gave off what sounded like a nervous chuckle, although it might only be noticeable to me that he's nervous because I knew why he would be. "Serena and I broke up again... this time for real, I think. You know how I like to workout to get rid of stress." With his abs, I'd say he's been getting stressed out a lot lately.

"That might be for the best. She was messing with your head too much." I saw Chuck pat Nate on the shoulder, in a somewhat caring way. You were one to talk about messing with someone, Chuck, so I guess it'd make perfect sense for you to relate to Serena's games. But that was when I heard something I wasn't expecting, "You saw Jenny today, right?" His voice was low and soft as he spoke, as if he was afraid to say it any louder.

There was this silent pause that made it feel like tension was just weighing everything down. At least, that was the way I felt. I assumed Nate was feeling about the same thing, since I did catch him glance back to his bedroom door. Right as he did, I took a step back, I didn't want him to know I was actually _trying_ to ease drop.

After what felt like forever, he finally replied to Chuck. "Yeah, we went to lunch at the diner like always." I could only imagine the confused look on Nate's face when I heard him ask Chuck, "Why?"

Another long pause. Chuck casually spoke, "No reason." Liar. "I saw a Gossip Girl blast that she was at some bar in Brooklyn. With the dress she's wearing I bet the pigs in Brooklyn are all over her." The way he said it made it feel like he was trying to insult me, but it came off weak, making it seem forced.

Or I was just hoping he was forcing it.

"Come on man," Nate chimed in with a weak attempt to defend me. His voice got stronger, "Don't be an ass just because you're jealous she's finally moved on. You broke up with her; she wasn't the one who dumped you. You couldn't have expected her to just cry over you for the rest of her life." It seemed like Nate went from defending me, to defending hooking up with me before Chuck even knew what we were up to. "I mean, you saw her in that dress…" He sounded like he was mocking Chuck a little bit.

I heard an upset laugh, which was clearly Chuck's. So I went back to snooping, spying through the door crack at the two of them. They were standing closer now. Both of them were standing up straight, in a defensive manner.

That was when Chuck sort of snapped, his voice becoming annoyed and angry. "Oh get over yourself, Nathaniel. Yes, I saw her in that dress, and if I was there, it would be on the floor. But I did dump her, so I could care less about who tries to do the same." Fiercely he grabbed his jacket off the couch. "Not that they should have much of a problem. She was kind of easy anyways. I mean, even you dated her."

I took a big step back from the door. My entire body was freezing up. Feeling absolutely empty, I took a seat on the floor, my back against the bed. Every breath I took hurt. Slowly I began to shake, my entire body was just non-stop moving, trying so hard to hold in all the tears that wanted to come rushing out. It felt like a dagger had stabbed me right through the heart; or what little was left of it.

There were a mumble of words exchanged. I heard Nate whisper-yell "you can't just say that about Jenny because you realized you fucked up." Chuck whisper-yelled back, "stop acting like you know what you're talking about, when you know nothing about it." Nate began to speak at a normal level, so I could hear him clearly, "you're right, I don't know anything about it. No one does. You won't _talk_ to anyone about it! Not even Jenny. Which is really unfair to her, if you haven't noticed, it's kind of messing with her emotions." Silence consumed the apartment again, the only thing I could hear was my heart. After that, all I heard was a disgruntled goodbye, and elevator doors shutting.

Just like that, he was gone, somehow managing to break my heart again, without even knowing he was holding it.

Nate made his way back to the bedroom, only to witness me on the floor, trying not to cry like a child. As soon as I looked at him though, I got up and regained my composure. Inside I felt like shit, but I wanted to show that as little as I could. The last thing I wanted to do was prove that I wasn't actually over Chuck, because in reality I was nowhere close to over him. Nate couldn't know that though. Especially after the position we were in only minutes ago.

He walked over, placing his hand on my tinted pink cheek, and wiped away the tear that was trailing down with his thumb, for the second time today. I wish he hadn't seen that. "Did you hear all that?" Nate asked, already knowing the answer by the pain my face was having trouble concealing. He left his hand on my cheek. "You can go, Jenny, if you want. You don't have to stay."

For a second I just stood there, looking into his understanding eyes. This was him giving me permission to forget everything that had happened since I got to the apartment. The questioning why he cared about me. The kiss. The making out. The getting on top of me on his bed. We could pretend nothing happened; tomorrow would be like any other. No harm, no foul. Tonight would be more like a distant dream than a reality.

I said nothing. Instead I leaned in and kissed him. My body pressed against his as he kissed me back. I hoped the heat from his body would warm up the frozen, hollow way I felt inside. It was clear Chuck didn't want me. Nate wanted me. And I _wanted_ to want him…

Seriously. I did.

_If you can't be with the one you love, love the one you're with._

*Line*

A/N: So, my biggest paranoia is that I will write a chapter of the story that everyone, like hates, so you stop reading and I lose you. With saying that, I hope that if you don't like this chapter because of Nate/Jenny or Chuck or whatever it may be, you will still stick around to see what'll happen, because I have a _lot_ planned and I'm excited to write it. Especially some intense Chuck/Jenny interactions. Regardless, hope you liked it a little bit.


End file.
